What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself

December 10, 2024 Pastor Chris Oswald

Thesis God graciously orchestrates seasons of spiritual distress and self-disappointment not to abandon us but to wean us from self-dependence and deepen our attachment to Christ as the only true hope and lover of our souls.

Series

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Type

Topical

Tone

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Method

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What's in this sermon

The shape of the argument

18 units across exposition, application, illustration, theological claim, and conclusion. The pastor's argument is built from these moving parts.

Pastoral correction · unit #8

"Applies the theological concept by inviting listeners to identify personal experiences of spiritual frustration and self-disappointment, using visceral language to name the emotional reality of these seasons."

Doctrinal loci· 7 surfaced

Sanctification · 10 Hamartiology · 6 Christology · 5 Providence / Sovereignty · 3 Soteriology · 3 Pastoral Theology · 2 Pneumatology · 1

Bible citations· 2

Romans 8:28

Illustrations· 2

analogy · unit #9 — Introduces an extended romantic analogy comparing the experience of becoming disillusioned with a dating partner to the spiritual dynamic God orchestrates when believers become weary with themselves, setting up the application to follow.
hypothetical · unit #12 — Develops a second romantic analogy—a married woman tempted toward an emotional affair who experiences grace when she suddenly sees the other man's flaws and rediscovers her husband's strengths—to illustrate how God's revelation of our sinfulness is merciful redirection of affection.

Theological claims· 4

God's path to assurance and joy sometimes includes divinely orchestrated seasons in which believers experience acute sorrow over their remaining sinfulness. unit #3
Dark seasons of spiritual distress do not occur by accident but are intentional choices by God as part of His diverse sanctification strategy. unit #7
God stirs up discontent with ourselves to make us resent our sinfulness and recognize that we cannot be our own savior. unit #10
God graciously orchestrates self-disappointment to redirect our affections from self to Christ as the true lover of our souls. unit #13

Quotations· 2

"if today he deigns to bless us with a sense of pardoned sin, perhaps tomorrow he'll distress us, make us feel the plague within all to make us sick of self and fond of him" — John Kent (unit #2)

"I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith and love and every grace might more of his salvation know and seek more earnestly his face. Twas he who taught me thus to pray, and he I trust has answered prayer. But it has been in such a way as almost drove me to despair. I hoped that in some favored hour, at once he'd answer my request and by his love's constraining power subdue my sins and give me rest. Instead of this, he made me feel the hidden evils of my heart and let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part, yea, more with his own hand he seemed intent to aggravate my woe. Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds and laid me low. Lord, why is this? I trembling cried, Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death? Tis in this way the Lord replied, I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me" — Isaac Watts (unit #5)

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Full transcript

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0 · Opens the podcast by establishing context—this is an impromptu teaching prompted by a devotional reading from Spurgeon—and sets audience expectations for an edifying insight to follow

Hello, hello, Hello. Welcome to the Providence Podcast. My name is Chris Oswald, Senior pastor at Providence Community Church. This was not a planned podcast. This is an impromptu podcast. Thought I would drop in and share share an insight that I got today by reading from Spurge, in part by reading from Spurgeon's morning and evening devotional for December 10th. And one particular little spot in that devotional prompted a few thoughts that I thought I might share with you. I hope it will be edifying to you.

1 · Signals the transition from introductory remarks to the substantive content by directing attention to the specific devotional reading

So let's go ahead and get into that again for December 10, I think it was the morning devotional.

2 · Presents the hymn fragment that serves as the textual jumping-off point for the sermon's argument, attributing it to John Kent and locating it historically in the Puritan tradition

Spurgeon quotes a line from an old hymn called Sons of God in Tribulation. Here's the line that he if today he deigns to bless us with a sense of pardoned sin, perhaps tomorrow he'll distress us, make us feel the plague within all to make us sick of self and fond of him. All to make us sick of self and fond of him. The author for that particular poem is John Kent, writing right around the, you know, the Puritan heydays back in the 1700s.

3 · Establishes the core theological claim that God intentionally leads believers through seasons of spiritual distress as part of sanctification—a pattern well understood in Puritan theology but largely forgotten in contemporary practice

And this is a thought that has, I think, escaped us. We don't typically think in this way. And I thought, you know, we should talk about this. This was a well known thing in the Puritan world. While God will always eventually lead us to assurance and joy, he sometimes takes a path that involves a season of allowing us to feel a kind of sin sickness, an unusually clear sense of sorrow for the state of our not yet fully sanctified self. And this was a well known understanding in the Puritan world.

4 · Transitions to a second hymn illustration by naming the source, providing practical listening recommendations, and setting up the extended quotation to follow

The hymn that I first discovered this being discussed in is one from Isaac Watts. And there are a couple really good versions of this. It's I asked the Lord that I might grow. So if you look that up on Spotify or if you're a civilized human being that pays your taxes, Apple Music and you will find a couple of good versions of this hymn. One is from. One has a female singer, I can't remember. That's the one I prefer. Oh, it was Sandra McCracken. That's the one that I prefer. But there's also a Sovereign Grace version that's quite good. Again, the hymn I asked the Lord that I might Grow.

5 · Presents the full text of Isaac Watts's hymn, which narrates the believer's surprise and confusion when prayers for spiritual growth are answered through increased awareness of indwelling sin rather than immediate relief, culminating in divine explanation of the pedagogical purpose

Let me read that hymn to you. Starts off I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith and love and every grace might more of his salvation know and seek more earnestly his face. Twas he who taught me thus to pray, and he I trust has answered prayer. But it has been in such a way as almost drove me to despair. I hoped that in some favored hour, at once he'd answer my request and by his love's constraining power subdue my sins and give me rest. Instead of this, he made me feel the hidden evils of my heart and let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part, yea, more with his own hand he seemed intent to aggravate my woe. Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds and laid me low. Lord, why is this? I trembling cried, Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death? Tis in this way the Lord replied, I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me.

6 · Returns to the opening Kent quotation to reiterate the theme and create continuity between the two hymn texts before moving into direct theological exposition

Or from John Kent if today he deigns to bless us with a sense of pardon sin, perhaps tomorrow he'll distress us and make us feel the plague within all to make us sick of self and fond of him.

7 · Asserts the ultimate trajectory of Christian life as joyful triumph while establishing that dark seasons are not accidental but deliberate divine choice—God sometimes employs gravity rather than gladness as a sanctifying means

The Christian life is ultimately a comedy. It's ultimately a joyful song and a triumph. But there are no doubt dark moments of the soul, and it's important to know that these do not come by accident. That among the Lord's many gracious, mysterious means of sanctification, he sometimes chooses gravity over gladness. Sometimes he chooses to give us a sense of joy over all that he has done and is doing in our life. But sometimes he gives us a sense of angst and disquietude over all that has yet not been done in our hearts?

8 · Applies the theological concept by inviting listeners to identify personal experiences of spiritual frustration and self-disappointment, using visceral language to name the emotional reality of these seasons

Have you ever had an experience like that? Have you ever gone through a season where it is not that you are feeling great assurance and joy and triumph from the Lord? You are mostly just feeling like a scummy little sinner. You're extraordinarily frustrated over your lack of progress and grace in some area.

9 · Introduces an extended romantic analogy comparing the experience of becoming disillusioned with a dating partner to the spiritual dynamic God orchestrates when believers become weary with themselves, setting up the application to follow

Here's how I would kind of describe what the Lord's doing there. And the main point of this podcast is I just want you to see the Lord is at work there. Maybe at some point you dated somebody and for a while you thought maybe they were the one. And then at some point you become weary of that person. They may have done something terrible, they may not have. They might have just become annoying to you, but you see in one way or another that they are not who you hope they would be. And you realize that you and this person are not meant to be. Distance grows, and then some kind of severing takes place. Sometimes it's dramatic, and other times it's just a love that grows cold.

10 · Applies the romantic analogy to explain divine pedagogy: God orchestrates a holy discontent with self—a kind of spiritual breakup with self-dependence—that reveals our inability to be our own savior and prepares us for deeper dependence on Christ

Well, I think that's what the Lord is doing in these. These moments where he reveals our sinfulness, our lack of progress. He allows us to go through a season of disquietude. Only it isn't a weariness toward another that we feel, but rather a weariness toward ourselves. But what God is doing is he's stirring up a discontent toward ourselves. And in this way he is making us, I guess, kind of break up with ourselves, if that makes sense. He's making us sort of resent our pride and our foolishness and our sinfulness. He's causing us to see that we are not our own Savior and never can be.

11 · Delivers concrete application directing believers experiencing self-disappointment to actively lean into Christ rather than remain in detached disappointment, framing the season as intended to redirect affection from self to Christ as the true lover of the soul

When this is happening, it's just crucial that you lean into Christ, that you look up to Christ, that you draw near to Christ. In the moments where you disappoint yourself, you are given a choice. You can live in this sort of detached disappointment with yourself. Constantly going back and forth between the version of you that is eager to not be an idiot sinner and the version of you that is not so eager to be a saint. And you can go back and forth, and you can prolong the angst and so forth, but really what's supposed to be happening there is. You're supposed to be disappointed in yourself. So that you can remember that he will never disappoint you. That he is the true lover of your soul. He is the one. He's detaching you from self, but also attaching you to him.

12 · Develops a second romantic analogy—a married woman tempted toward an emotional affair who experiences grace when she suddenly sees the other man's flaws and rediscovers her husband's strengths—to illustrate how God's revelation of our sinfulness is merciful redirection of affection

Let me describe it this way. Suppose that there is a woman who, you know, her marriage isn't going great. At this particular moment, she's feeling some distance from her husband. And to be honest, she's starting to take him for granted. And there's this guy that she works with, not her husband. And in part because of her discontent with her husband and just also because she's a sinner, she starts to find this guy at work attractive. And she starts to see that he has some of the qualities that she kind of wishes her husband had. Maybe it's all new. It all feels special. Maybe this guy is more affirming or whatever. And so she's headed toward a bad thing, right? I mean, it's still all in her head, but she's headed toward a bad thing. Well, imagine like the Great Mercy. It would be if one day she was watching this man that she's kind of developing this crush on, and suddenly she sees like, you know, he's kind of ugly and he's not very strong. Like he couldn't even open the jar of jelly beans in the church, in the office break room. He kind of. He's not very good looking, he's kind of weak. He has an annoying laugh. And all of a sudden, suddenly this person that was becoming a crush becomes, ew, an ick, you know, well, that's a great grace. And then in that she starts to see that my husband's actually handsome and he's strong. He can. He can open a lot harder things than jelly beans. And he's my husband and I like him and I love him and I really like him more.

13 · Applies the marital illustration to the believer's relationship with Christ, asserting that God orchestrates self-disappointment as a grace to redirect our affections from self-dependence to Christ, acknowledging the regrettable necessity of this process due to our fallen nature

Well, that's a tremendous gift from God for that gal to go through that story development where she realizes that this other guy isn't the guy and that she has the guy. That's what the Lord will do with us from time to time. And man, I wish that wasn't necessary. I think the fact that it's necessary is the most annoying thing about being a sinner, about being fallen. But God is so good. He will help us in seasons of gravity and seasons of angst to be disappointed with ourselves, to maybe even look at ourselves with a bit of ick. And he's doing that because we have a true lover of our souls. And it's not us, it's Jesus.

14 · Synthesizes the sermon's argument into direct pastoral encouragement for those in dark seasons, anchoring the claim in Romans 8:28 and reiterating that self-disappointment is God's intentional work to break self-dependence and redirect love to Christ

And so what he's doing with these seasons where he allows inward trials to develop, he wants to break us from self and pride and break the earthly schemes of joy that we might find our all in Him. So that's just an encouraging thought for you. Maybe you're going through what they would call a dark season of the soul. Just remember, God didn't suddenly lose control of the wheel. He's still working. He's still working on your behalf. Romans 8:28 is always true on the ups and on the downs, on the mountains and in the valleys. Romans 8:28 is always true. He's always working for your good. And sometimes he allows you to just feel this kind of ick towards yourself so that you would break up with yourself and that you would return back to the one whom your soul really, really should love. The true lover of your soul.

15 · Closes the teaching by summarizing the two hymn sources for further exploration and self-deprecatingly acknowledging the informal conclusion, signaling the transition to pastoral prayer

So that's a. That's just a brief thought. I thought I would drop in, don't need to get say anything else about it. The two hymns again. I asked the Lord That I might grow. And what was the other one? Sons of God in tribulation. So if you want to look those up and. And look through them, the sons of God in tribulation. You know, I've read one line from that. You can read more. But anyway, start with a bang, end with the whimper, I guess, huh? I'm all out of juice. That's all I wanted to share.

16 · Steps outside the teaching structure to directly address struggling listeners with pastoral comfort, reiterating the core pastoral message in compressed form before the closing prayer

If you're not doing great, you know, remember that God is great and that we do have to, from time to time, be reminded that we are not our best hope. The Lord is our best hope.

17 · Closing prayer rehearses the sermon's theological claims before God, interceding for two categories—those currently experiencing self-disappointment and those who need to—and petitioning God to use these trials as sanctifying means to wean believers from self-dependence toward Christ-dependence

Let me pray for us, Father. God, you are so faithful and patient with us that when you see us starting to get a little full of ourselves, it is a work of great grace for you to then help us to see ourselves in the mirror, naked, if you will, to. To be reminded that we're not all that. To be reminded, in fact, that we've really squandered a lot of your grace. We've really wandered in a number of ways. It's good for us to sometimes feel an ick toward ourselves. The place where people get in trouble, Lord, and the place that I hope to urge my church from and myself from. And that is, I don't stay in that spot where I keep looking at how gross I am. I look to you and am reminded that I was created to walk with you. I was created to be in a love relationship with you. I was created to praise you and pray to you, trust you. You're my hope. I'm not my hope. What a grace it is, Lord, that you would allow us to do that so that we don't plunge headlong into a full, extended relationship wrecking affair with ourselves. We get full of ourselves and think too highly of ourselves. It's a grace, Lord. Thank you for letting our love for ourselves grow cold instead of our love for you. And Lord, if anyone is in a situation where they're just feeling frustrated with themselves with their sin, obviously there's a ton of practical questions I'd want to ask them about how they're fighting sin and how they're employing the help of other brothers and sisters. But just for right now, God, would you just help them to have some perspective and understand that what's going on there is not outside your control. But it is in fact one of your many diverse means of grace for sanctifying us and making us more and more into the saint you've shed your blood to turn us into. So I pray for those who are weary with themselves. And I pray for those who need to get weary with themselves. Lord, people who are too big for their britches right now, would you, in the fatherly way, through the expert care of your Holy Spirit, do the work that is necessary to make them less inclined to boast in self and more inclined to boast only in the cross? Lord, we thank you that you are the lover and carer and shepherd of our souls. You do good work. That's an understatement. May you be praised and glorified in our hearts as we wean ourselves off of self dependence and lean into depending on you. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen. Amen. Be well, friends.

Where this fits

Recent preaching context

The three sermons immediately preceding this one in the preaching schedule.

Nov 24, 2024

Eldership Announcement

Elders are craftsmen called to equip individual saints for ministry by knowing them personally and assembling them into a living temple, and Providence will pursue this vision through a two-tier eldership model that requires ordination only for those dedicated to preaching and teaching.

Dec 1, 2024

Money & The Mission of God

Generosity is not an accomplishment of elite Christianity but a fundamental expression of understanding the gospel—that God advances his mission through voluntary, cheerful giving by those who have grasped the magnitude of Christ's sacrificial generosity on their behalf.

Dec 8, 2024

Priest

Through Christ's work as the great high priest, Christians have been made a royal priesthood with full access to God's presence, which means our entire lives belong to God, we are called to protect his people, and we are designed to live constantly in prayerful communion with him.

December 10 · This sermon

What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself

God graciously orchestrates seasons of spiritual distress and self-disappointment not to abandon us but to wean us from self-dependence and deepen our attachment to Christ as the only true hope and lover of our souls.

Take it further

Discuss · apply · pray

Small groups

6 discussion questions

Chris mentioned that God sometimes orchestrates seasons where we feel acute sorrow over our remaining sinfulness. What does it feel like whe…

Daily readings

5-day reading plan

This week we trace God's wise use of spiritual sorrow: how He orchestrates seasons of self-disappointment to humble us, redirect our affections from self to Christ, and deepen our sanctification through the gospel.

Prayer

When Self-Disappointment Drives Us to Christ

Father, we marvel at Your sovereign goodness and the depth of Your commitment to our joy. You are the God who orchestrates all things—even o…

Family table

When We Wish We Were Better

This prompt invites your family to name a real moment of self-disappointment—something they wished they'd done differently—and to talk about…

Couples

When Disappointment Points Us to Christ

What specific disappointment in yourself did the sermon surface or remind you of—and what did it stir in your heart about your need for Jesu…

Memorize

Romans 8:28

This verse encapsulates the sermon's central claim that God orchestrates seasons of self-disappointment and spiritual sorrow as intentional, purposeful acts within His sovereign sanctification plan. It anchors the assurance that even our acute awareness of remaining sinfulness is divinely ordered for our good and deeper conformity to Christ.

Couples · three questions over coffee

When Disappointment Points Us to Christ

What specific disappointment in yourself did the sermon surface or remind you of—and what did it stir in your heart about your need for Jesus?
How do you think God might be using our mutual awareness of sin and failure to deepen our love for Christ together rather than drive us to shame or self-reliance?
What is one area where you sense God calling you to resent your remaining sinfulness—and how can I pray for your glad pursuit of Christlikeness this week?

Draft · pending review

Memory verse this week

Romans 8:28

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Why this verse: This verse encapsulates the sermon's central claim that God orchestrates seasons of self-disappointment and spiritual sorrow as intentional, purposeful acts within His sovereign sanctification plan. It anchors the assurance that even our acute awareness of remaining sinfulness is divinely ordered for our good and deeper conformity to Christ.

Draft · pending review

Small-group discussion

6 questions for your group this week

Chris mentioned that God sometimes orchestrates seasons where we feel acute sorrow over our remaining sinfulness. What does it feel like when you bump up against your own sin in a way that surprises or grieves you—and how is that different from casual awareness of your weakness?

→ Can you think of a recent moment when disappointment in yourself led you somewhere spiritually that casual awareness wouldn't have?
The sermon suggests that these dark seasons of spiritual distress are not accidents but intentional choices by God as part of His sanctification strategy. How does that claim sit with you—does it comfort you, unsettle you, or both?

Romans 8:28
What is the difference between being disappointed in yourself because you've failed to meet your own standards versus being disappointed because you've grieved the Holy Spirit and betrayed Christ?

→ How might those two kinds of disappointment lead us in opposite spiritual directions?
Chris argued that God stirs up discontent with ourselves to make us resent our sinfulness and recognize that we cannot be our own savior. What does it mean practically to stop trying to be your own savior—and what does it look like to transfer that hope to Christ instead?
The sermon teaches that God graciously uses self-disappointment to redirect our affections from self to Christ as the true lover of our souls. When have you experienced disappointment in yourself actually drawing you closer to Jesus rather than pushing you away into shame or self-contempt?

→ What made the difference in how you responded to that disappointment?
If you're currently in a season where you're acutely aware of your remaining sinfulness and it grieves you, how might you reframe that grief not as a sign that God has abandoned you, but as evidence of His loving work to make you more like Christ?

→ What would it look like to thank God for that discomfort this week?

Draft · pending review

Daily readings · Monday–Friday

5-day reading plan

Monday Romans 8:28

Paul's declaration that 'all things work together for good' anchors our faith when sorrow arrives—not by accident, but by God's intentional design. When we grieve our sinfulness deeply, we are not experiencing divine abandonment but rather His purposeful hand working our sanctification through seasons of distress that serve His redemptive aims.

Tuesday Romans 8:28

The 'all things' of Romans 8:28 includes the painful self-awareness that drives us to hatred of our sin. God does not stand outside our moments of spiritual anguish—He orchestrates them as a craftsman uses diverse tools to shape stone. Our disappointment in ourselves, far from signaling God's absence, proves His active commitment to remake us into Christ's image.

Wednesday Romans 8:28

When we feel the weight of our failure and want to hide from ourselves, Romans 8:28 reminds us that this very sorrow serves God's good purpose: to demolish our illusion of self-sufficiency. The discomfort we feel is grace at work, breaking our confidence in our own righteousness and casting us upon Christ alone as the only adequate savior of sinners.

Thursday Romans 8:28

Our self-hatred and spiritual sorrow, when received as God's gift, become a doorway to intimate communion with Christ. Romans 8:28 promises that even this grief works for our good—it weans us from the false comfort of self-love and realigns our hearts toward the only One whose love is inexhaustible, whose approval is immeasurable, and whose embrace is eternally secure.

Friday Romans 8:28

As we close the week, recognize that your disappointment in yourself is not a sign of spiritual failure but a evidence of God's active love. The gospel humbles us as we grasp that Christ—not our moral achievement—is our assurance; and this truth, received afresh each day, transforms sorrow into grateful joy and redirects every longing toward the Lover of our souls.

Draft · pending review

Pray together this week

When Self-Disappointment Drives Us to Christ

Father, we marvel at Your sovereign goodness and the depth of Your commitment to our joy. You are the God who orchestrates all things—even our sorrow over our remaining sinfulness—toward our ultimate good and our conformity to Christ (Romans 8:28). We confess that we often recoil from seasons of acute spiritual distress, viewing them as setbacks rather than gifts. We struggle to see that our disappointment with ourselves, our lingering sin, and our inability to save ourselves are not accidents but intentional mercies designed to redirect our wandering hearts.

We confess, too, that we are prone to self-salvation—to believe that greater effort, cleaner living, or fiercer self-discipline can achieve what only Christ can accomplish. Our discontent with ourselves often leaves us stranded in shame rather than driven toward the Cross. We grow weary of our own failure and sometimes despair that we will ever be acceptable, ever be free, ever be loved as we long to be.

But the gospel humbles us as we grasp that Christ is the true Lover of our souls, and His finished work is the only ground of our assurance. In Him we have perfect righteousness, complete forgiveness, and the unshakeable acceptance of our Father. The very distress we experience over our sinfulness is evidence of His Spirit's work to loose our grip on self-trust and tighten our embrace of Jesus. Grant us, we pray, the grace to recognize divine mercy in seasons of spiritual sorrow. Give us eyes to see that our self-disappointment—when it drives us deeper into the arms of Christ—is actually the pathway to joy.

We ask that You would continue this good work in us, teaching us to resent our sinfulness not out of shame but out of love for our Savior. Make us swift to turn from self-condemnation to Christ-adoration. And help us, in our corporate life, to encourage one another with this truth: that God's orchestration of our failure is the kindness that frees us from the tyranny of self-salvation. To You alone be glory and the gladness of our hearts.

Draft · pending review

Sunday-evening family table

When We Wish We Were Better

For the parent

This prompt invites your family to name a real moment of self-disappointment—something they wished they'd done differently—and to talk about what that feeling is actually for. The goal is to help them see that God uses these uncomfortable moments to point us toward Jesus, not to crush us with shame.

Can you think of a time recently when you did something and afterward thought, 'I wish I hadn't done that' or 'I wish I'd been kinder'? What did that feeling make you want to do—and who did you think about in that moment?

works for ages 7+; younger children may need help naming a specific moment, but the emotional experience is real for them

Draft · pending review

Where this was preached

About the church

Providence Community Church

Lenexa, KS
Sundays · 10:00 AM
About us · What we believe

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# Providence Community Church

A church preaching expository sermons through the books of the Bible.

## Sermons
- [Eldership Announcement (2024-11-24)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/11/eldership-announcement)
- [Money & The Mission of God (2024-12-01)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/money-the-mission-of-god)
- [Priest (2024-12-08)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/priest)
- [What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself (2024-12-10)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/what-to-do-when-you-disappoint-yourself)

## About
- [About the church](/about)
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