What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself

December 10, 2024 Pastor Chris Oswald
Thesis God graciously orchestrates seasons of spiritual distress and self-disappointment not to abandon us but to wean us from self-dependence and deepen our attachment to Christ as the only true hope and lover of our souls.
Series
Type
Topical
Tone
Method
What's in this sermon

The shape of the argument

18 units across exposition, application, illustration, theological claim, and conclusion. The pastor's argument is built from these moving parts.

Pastoral correction · unit #8
"Applies the theological concept by inviting listeners to identify personal experiences of spiritual frustration and self-disappointment, using visceral language to name the emotional reality of these seasons."
Doctrinal loci· 7 surfaced
Sanctification · 10 Hamartiology · 6 Christology · 5 Providence / Sovereignty · 3 Soteriology · 3 Pastoral Theology · 2 Pneumatology · 1
Bible citations· 2
Romans 8:28
Illustrations· 2
  1. analogy · unit #9 — Introduces an extended romantic analogy comparing the experience of becoming disillusioned with a dating partner to the spiritual dynamic God orchestrates when believers become weary with themselves, setting up the application to follow.
  2. hypothetical · unit #12 — Develops a second romantic analogy—a married woman tempted toward an emotional affair who experiences grace when she suddenly sees the other man's flaws and rediscovers her husband's strengths—to illustrate how God's revelation of our sinfulness is merciful redirection of affection.
Theological claims· 4
  1. God's path to assurance and joy sometimes includes divinely orchestrated seasons in which believers experience acute sorrow over their remaining sinfulness. unit #3
  2. Dark seasons of spiritual distress do not occur by accident but are intentional choices by God as part of His diverse sanctification strategy. unit #7
  3. God stirs up discontent with ourselves to make us resent our sinfulness and recognize that we cannot be our own savior. unit #10
  4. God graciously orchestrates self-disappointment to redirect our affections from self to Christ as the true lover of our souls. unit #13
Quotations· 2
"if today he deigns to bless us with a sense of pardoned sin, perhaps tomorrow he'll distress us, make us feel the plague within all to make us sick of self and fond of him" — John Kent (unit #2)
"I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith and love and every grace might more of his salvation know and seek more earnestly his face. Twas he who taught me thus to pray, and he I trust has answered prayer. But it has been in such a way as almost drove me to despair. I hoped that in some favored hour, at once he'd answer my request and by his love's constraining power subdue my sins and give me rest. Instead of this, he made me feel the hidden evils of my heart and let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part, yea, more with his own hand he seemed intent to aggravate my woe. Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds and laid me low. Lord, why is this? I trembling cried, Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death? Tis in this way the Lord replied, I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me" — Isaac Watts (unit #5)
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Full transcript

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0 · Opens the podcast by establishing context—this is an impromptu teaching prompted by a devotional reading from Spurgeon—and sets audience expectations for an edifying insight to follow

Hello, hello, Hello. Welcome to the Providence Podcast. My name is Chris Oswald, Senior pastor at Providence Community Church. This was not a planned podcast. This is an impromptu podcast. Thought I would drop in and share share an insight that I got today by reading from Spurge, in part by reading from Spurgeon's morning and evening devotional for December 10th. And one particular little spot in that devotional prompted a few thoughts that I thought I might share with you. I hope it will be edifying to you.

1 · Signals the transition from introductory remarks to the substantive content by directing attention to the specific devotional reading

So let's go ahead and get into that again for December 10, I think it was the morning devotional.

2 · Presents the hymn fragment that serves as the textual jumping-off point for the sermon's argument, attributing it to John Kent and locating it historically in the Puritan tradition

Spurgeon quotes a line from an old hymn called Sons of God in Tribulation. Here's the line that he if today he deigns to bless us with a sense of pardoned sin, perhaps tomorrow he'll distress us, make us feel the plague within all to make us sick of self and fond of him. All to make us sick of self and fond of him. The author for that particular poem is John Kent, writing right around the, you know, the Puritan heydays back in the 1700s.

3 · Establishes the core theological claim that God intentionally leads believers through seasons of spiritual distress as part of sanctification—a pattern well understood in Puritan theology but largely forgotten in contemporary practice

And this is a thought that has, I think, escaped us. We don't typically think in this way. And I thought, you know, we should talk about this. This was a well known thing in the Puritan world. While God will always eventually lead us to assurance and joy, he sometimes takes a path that involves a season of allowing us to feel a kind of sin sickness, an unusually clear sense of sorrow for the state of our not yet fully sanctified self. And this was a well known understanding in the Puritan world.

4 · Transitions to a second hymn illustration by naming the source, providing practical listening recommendations, and setting up the extended quotation to follow

The hymn that I first discovered this being discussed in is one from Isaac Watts. And there are a couple really good versions of this. It's I asked the Lord that I might grow. So if you look that up on Spotify or if you're a civilized human being that pays your taxes, Apple Music and you will find a couple of good versions of this hymn. One is from. One has a female singer, I can't remember. That's the one I prefer. Oh, it was Sandra McCracken. That's the one that I prefer. But there's also a Sovereign Grace version that's quite good. Again, the hymn I asked the Lord that I might Grow.

5 · Presents the full text of Isaac Watts's hymn, which narrates the believer's surprise and confusion when prayers for spiritual growth are answered through increased awareness of indwelling sin rather than immediate relief, culminating in divine explanation of the pedagogical purpose

Let me read that hymn to you. Starts off I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith and love and every grace might more of his salvation know and seek more earnestly his face. Twas he who taught me thus to pray, and he I trust has answered prayer. But it has been in such a way as almost drove me to despair. I hoped that in some favored hour, at once he'd answer my request and by his love's constraining power subdue my sins and give me rest. Instead of this, he made me feel the hidden evils of my heart and let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part, yea, more with his own hand he seemed intent to aggravate my woe. Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds and laid me low. Lord, why is this? I trembling cried, Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death? Tis in this way the Lord replied, I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me. These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free and break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may find thy all in me.

Where this fits

Recent preaching context

The three sermons immediately preceding this one in the preaching schedule.

Nov 24, 2024
Elders are craftsmen called to equip individual saints for ministry by knowing them personally and assembling them into a living temple, and Providence will pursue this vision through a two-tier eldership model that requires ordination only for those dedicated to preaching and teaching.
Dec 1, 2024
Generosity is not an accomplishment of elite Christianity but a fundamental expression of understanding the gospel—that God advances his mission through voluntary, cheerful giving by those who have grasped the magnitude of Christ's sacrificial generosity on their behalf.
Dec 8, 2024
Through Christ's work as the great high priest, Christians have been made a royal priesthood with full access to God's presence, which means our entire lives belong to God, we are called to protect his people, and we are designed to live constantly in prayerful communion with him.
December 10 · This sermon
What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself
God graciously orchestrates seasons of spiritual distress and self-disappointment not to abandon us but to wean us from self-dependence and deepen our attachment to Christ as the only true hope and lover of our souls.
Take it further

Discuss · apply · pray

Couples · three questions over coffee

When Disappointment Points Us to Christ

  1. What specific disappointment in yourself did the sermon surface or remind you of—and what did it stir in your heart about your need for Jesus?
  2. How do you think God might be using our mutual awareness of sin and failure to deepen our love for Christ together rather than drive us to shame or self-reliance?
  3. What is one area where you sense God calling you to resent your remaining sinfulness—and how can I pray for your glad pursuit of Christlikeness this week?
Draft · pending review
Memory verse this week

Romans 8:28

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Why this verse: This verse encapsulates the sermon's central claim that God orchestrates seasons of self-disappointment and spiritual sorrow as intentional, purposeful acts within His sovereign sanctification plan. It anchors the assurance that even our acute awareness of remaining sinfulness is divinely ordered for our good and deeper conformity to Christ.

Draft · pending review
Small-group discussion

6 questions for your group this week

  1. Chris mentioned that God sometimes orchestrates seasons where we feel acute sorrow over our remaining sinfulness. What does it feel like when you bump up against your own sin in a way that surprises or grieves you—and how is that different from casual awareness of your weakness?
    → Can you think of a recent moment when disappointment in yourself led you somewhere spiritually that casual awareness wouldn't have?
  2. The sermon suggests that these dark seasons of spiritual distress are not accidents but intentional choices by God as part of His sanctification strategy. How does that claim sit with you—does it comfort you, unsettle you, or both?
    Romans 8:28
  3. What is the difference between being disappointed in yourself because you've failed to meet your own standards versus being disappointed because you've grieved the Holy Spirit and betrayed Christ?
    → How might those two kinds of disappointment lead us in opposite spiritual directions?
  4. Chris argued that God stirs up discontent with ourselves to make us resent our sinfulness and recognize that we cannot be our own savior. What does it mean practically to stop trying to be your own savior—and what does it look like to transfer that hope to Christ instead?
  5. The sermon teaches that God graciously uses self-disappointment to redirect our affections from self to Christ as the true lover of our souls. When have you experienced disappointment in yourself actually drawing you closer to Jesus rather than pushing you away into shame or self-contempt?
    → What made the difference in how you responded to that disappointment?
  6. If you're currently in a season where you're acutely aware of your remaining sinfulness and it grieves you, how might you reframe that grief not as a sign that God has abandoned you, but as evidence of His loving work to make you more like Christ?
    → What would it look like to thank God for that discomfort this week?
Draft · pending review
Daily readings · Monday–Friday

5-day reading plan

This week we trace God's wise use of spiritual sorrow: how He orchestrates seasons of self-disappointment to humble us, redirect our affections from self to Christ, and deepen our sanctification through the gospel.

Monday Romans 8:28

Paul's declaration that 'all things work together for good' anchors our faith when sorrow arrives—not by accident, but by God's intentional design. When we grieve our sinfulness deeply, we are not experiencing divine abandonment but rather His purposeful hand working our sanctification through seasons of distress that serve His redemptive aims.

Tuesday Romans 8:28

The 'all things' of Romans 8:28 includes the painful self-awareness that drives us to hatred of our sin. God does not stand outside our moments of spiritual anguish—He orchestrates them as a craftsman uses diverse tools to shape stone. Our disappointment in ourselves, far from signaling God's absence, proves His active commitment to remake us into Christ's image.

Wednesday Romans 8:28

When we feel the weight of our failure and want to hide from ourselves, Romans 8:28 reminds us that this very sorrow serves God's good purpose: to demolish our illusion of self-sufficiency. The discomfort we feel is grace at work, breaking our confidence in our own righteousness and casting us upon Christ alone as the only adequate savior of sinners.

Thursday Romans 8:28

Our self-hatred and spiritual sorrow, when received as God's gift, become a doorway to intimate communion with Christ. Romans 8:28 promises that even this grief works for our good—it weans us from the false comfort of self-love and realigns our hearts toward the only One whose love is inexhaustible, whose approval is immeasurable, and whose embrace is eternally secure.

Friday Romans 8:28

As we close the week, recognize that your disappointment in yourself is not a sign of spiritual failure but a evidence of God's active love. The gospel humbles us as we grasp that Christ—not our moral achievement—is our assurance; and this truth, received afresh each day, transforms sorrow into grateful joy and redirects every longing toward the Lover of our souls.

Draft · pending review
Pray together this week

When Self-Disappointment Drives Us to Christ

Father, we marvel at Your sovereign goodness and the depth of Your commitment to our joy. You are the God who orchestrates all things—even our sorrow over our remaining sinfulness—toward our ultimate good and our conformity to Christ (Romans 8:28). We confess that we often recoil from seasons of acute spiritual distress, viewing them as setbacks rather than gifts. We struggle to see that our disappointment with ourselves, our lingering sin, and our inability to save ourselves are not accidents but intentional mercies designed to redirect our wandering hearts.

We confess, too, that we are prone to self-salvation—to believe that greater effort, cleaner living, or fiercer self-discipline can achieve what only Christ can accomplish. Our discontent with ourselves often leaves us stranded in shame rather than driven toward the Cross. We grow weary of our own failure and sometimes despair that we will ever be acceptable, ever be free, ever be loved as we long to be.

But the gospel humbles us as we grasp that Christ is the true Lover of our souls, and His finished work is the only ground of our assurance. In Him we have perfect righteousness, complete forgiveness, and the unshakeable acceptance of our Father. The very distress we experience over our sinfulness is evidence of His Spirit's work to loose our grip on self-trust and tighten our embrace of Jesus. Grant us, we pray, the grace to recognize divine mercy in seasons of spiritual sorrow. Give us eyes to see that our self-disappointment—when it drives us deeper into the arms of Christ—is actually the pathway to joy.

We ask that You would continue this good work in us, teaching us to resent our sinfulness not out of shame but out of love for our Savior. Make us swift to turn from self-condemnation to Christ-adoration. And help us, in our corporate life, to encourage one another with this truth: that God's orchestration of our failure is the kindness that frees us from the tyranny of self-salvation. To You alone be glory and the gladness of our hearts.

Draft · pending review
Sunday-evening family table

When We Wish We Were Better

For the parent

This prompt invites your family to name a real moment of self-disappointment—something they wished they'd done differently—and to talk about what that feeling is actually for. The goal is to help them see that God uses these uncomfortable moments to point us toward Jesus, not to crush us with shame.

Can you think of a time recently when you did something and afterward thought, 'I wish I hadn't done that' or 'I wish I'd been kinder'? What did that feeling make you want to do—and who did you think about in that moment?
works for ages 7+; younger children may need help naming a specific moment, but the emotional experience is real for them
Draft · pending review
Where this was preached

About the church

Providence Community Church
Lenexa, KS
Sundays · 10:00 AM
About us · What we believe
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# Providence Community Church

A church preaching expository sermons through the books of the Bible.

## Sermons
- [Eldership Announcement (2024-11-24)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/11/eldership-announcement)
- [Money & The Mission of God (2024-12-01)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/money-the-mission-of-god)
- [Priest (2024-12-08)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/priest)
- [What to Do When You Disappoint Yourself (2024-12-10)](/ProvidenceLenexa/sermons/2024/12/what-to-do-when-you-disappoint-yourself)

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