The Cross-Centered Marriage: Submission

6 · The pastor makes the logical connection between gospel opposition and marriage opposition, establishing that since marriage is a gospel metaphor, it will face the same enemies—particularly around the issue of submission which provokes the flesh as the gospel does

And if you really think about it, it seems like the Gospel has opposition on every front. That pretty much everything is opposed to the Gospel. And I think that that's actually true. The Gospel has many enemies. And here's one thing I want to just remind you of this morning. If you're married or you are going to be married, or even if you're not married, if the Gospel has enemies, then one of its most powerful living metaphors called marriage will also have enemies. And the very things that the Gospel provokes in the flesh, those very same ingredients in marriage will provoke opposition in the flesh. And I'm speaking specifically of the idea of submission, which is what we're going to speak about today. Submission.

7 · The pastor identifies the gospel's scandalous core—victory through submission—and argues that marriage's reflection of this same principle makes submission the most contested aspect of marriage, facing coordinated opposition from the world, flesh, and devil

The Gospel provokes the world, the flesh, and the devil because the Gospel is the message of victory through submission. And marriage provokes the flesh, the devil, and the world because one of the key messages of marriage is victory through submission. So in the opposition to marriage, few things have come under more fire than the concept of submission.

8 · The pastor draws a parallel between how Jesus was slandered by His enemies during the crucifixion and how enemies of Christian marriage slander the doctrine of submission, misrepresenting both Christ and biblical teaching

Now, when enemies oppose Jesus, we'll see this as we progress through the crucifixion, when enemies oppose Jesus, they slander Him and they make Him to say things He did not say. They present Him as someone He is not. And when enemies slander Christian marriage, they do the very same thing to the concept of submission.

9 · The pastor tells of encountering a drunk man whom he wanted to help but could not share the gospel with because intoxication had stripped him of the faculties necessary to comprehend spiritual truth, setting up an analogy about spiritual drunkenness on worldly lies

You know, this morning I had an image come through my mind, it was a long time ago, I can't even remember when it was, But I came across a man who was just fall-over drunk. And I wanted to help this guy. There's only a little bit you can do though for a guy that's drunk. You know what I couldn't do for that guy that was drunk? I couldn't tell him the Gospel. He didn't have the faculties to hear the Gospel in that moment. I could only really kind of soften his fall, right? Remove some of the physical consequences of his drunkenness.

10 · The pastor applies the drunk-man analogy to the congregation, warning that prolonged exposure to worldly definitions of submission may have intoxicated them to the point where they cannot hear biblical truth, setting up his corrective teaching to those who have been deceived

You know why that came to my head this morning? Because the truth is that if you haven't really been intentional about doing otherwise, it's very possible that some of you in this room or some who are listening online are so drunk on the world that you can't hear this message. Like, you just don't have the faculties to hear God's truth. About this issue. Because you have so taken in with the drunkenness that the world has provided to you. So my hope today is to speak directly to those who would slander the idea of submission. Perhaps those who have the wrong idea about submission because they listen to the wrong people talk about it.

11 · The pastor pivots from problem to solution, signaling that he will now turn to Luke 22 to provide both a dictionary definition of submission and—more importantly—the biblical demonstration that corrects worldly slander

My plan today is to show you both the demonstration and the definition of submission, and we see the definition, the demonstration of submission in our text today. So a common definition for submission is simply this: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Good definition. But let's talk about a better demonstration.

12 · The pastor reads the Gethsemane passage in full, presenting Jesus' agonized prayer of submission as the text that will serve as the defining demonstration of biblical submission throughout the remainder of the sermon

Look at verse 39, Luke 22. And He went out, as was His custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed Him. And when He came to the place, He said to them, 'Pray that you may not enter into temptation.' And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed, saying, 'Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me.' Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.' And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground. And when He rose from prayer, He came to the disciples and found them sleeping for sorrow; and He said to them, 'Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.'

13 · The pastor establishes verse 42 as the definitive, unsurpassable demonstration of submission in human history, arguing that all definitions of submission must be derived from and measured against this moment or they will be fundamentally distorted

The best demonstration, the high point of the concept of submission is found in verse 42, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. Nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done." That's the high point in the concept of submission. It is the most pure, beautiful, powerful moment of submission in the history of the world. You can't understand submission unless you understand this verse. If you have attempted to define submission apart from drinking deeply of this verse, this passage, this act in history, you've already gotten off on the wrong foot in your definition of what submission is. Is and is not.

14 · The pastor begins dismantling false definitions by arguing that submission does not eliminate boldness or ferocity, citing Jesus' temple cleansing and His interactions with His mother as evidence that true submission coexists with strong, assertive action

So working from this text, let's talk about submission a little more. Let me talk about what submission is not. Go through a list. Submission is not the elimination of chutzpah. I spent time with Paul this week, and I heard a little Yiddish, and it got my mind turning a little bit. But chutzpah— submission is not the elimination of grit. Of spunk. Right? Jesus cleansed the temple, but also paid taxes. Jesus called his mom "woman"—don't recommend that, guys—but also submitted to her. Any concept of submission that does not allow for a kind of ferocity, a kind of chutzpah, a kind of spunk, is missing the concept of submission altogether. Submission is not the elimination of chutzpah.

15 · The pastor refutes the charge that submission implies inequality by pointing to Jesus' ontological equality with the Father despite His functional submission, diagnosing insecurity as the root cause of conflating submission with diminished value

Submission is also not in contradiction with equality. Submission is not in contradiction with equality. Jesus was in every way equal to the one He submitted to. If you think that submission— we'll get to this more later— but if you think that submission to your husband, or to a boss, or to a pastor threatens your equality, you are profoundly insecure. Submission doesn't affect value or equality. It certainly didn't with Jesus.

16 · The pastor refutes two more false definitions: that submission precludes leadership (Jesus led while submitting) and that submission means silent compliance (Jesus engaged in honest conversation with the Father about the cup)

Submission does not preclude leadership. If you look at verse 39, it says that His disciples followed Him. If you look at verse 40, He's telling them what to do. He says, "Go and pray that you may not enter into temptation." So here we have the man who is the most submissive man in the most submissive moment of His life, simultaneously leading others. Submission is not in contradiction with leadership. Next, submission doesn't shut up and take it. Submission doesn't shut up and take it. If you look back at verse 42, what you will see is a man who knew what the Father wanted of Him, but had to enter into a conversation. To discuss a difficult request, a difficult command. All too often this cartoon version of submission has those who are called to submit simply shutting up, sitting on their hands, and doing what they're told. That's not what you see in verse 42 at all. You see the perfect submitter, the most submissive one, say to the Father what? Father, if you're willing, remove this cup from me. So any concept of submission that means you are unable or not free to engage in a conversation about what you're being called to is not a concept of biblical submission.

17 · The pastor completes his negative definitions by refuting the claim that submission empowers oppressors, then pivots to positive definition: submission is the seed of shalom—the Hebrew concept of comprehensive peace, wholeness, and alignment between God and humanity

And finally, submission doesn't let the bad guys win. Jesus, at the end of this passage, puts his hands together, is bound and taken away. We're going to talk more about this in a moment, but Jesus submitted himself to those authorities as he was ultimately submitting himself to the Lord. And one of the many slanders against the concept of submission is that if you would actually become weak, if you would actually submit yourself to someone else, then the bad guys win. Then the patriarchy wins. No. Nobody won that wasn't supposed to win in this amazing act of submission. The bad guys didn't win. What submission is? Let's talk about what submission is. Well, submission is the seed of shalom. Submission is the seed of shalom. What is Shalom? You know, we see that word translated in the English Bible as peace, but the word Shalom is so much deeper than the word peace that I almost wish we didn't even translate it at all. The word Shalom is the presence of all good things. It's the moments in which man's heart is perfectly aligned with God and with each other. It's when everything vertical and horizontal is all in step. It's these beautiful, perfect moments, very rare, But this is what God's calling us to pursue. And submission is the seed that plants that tree. Submission is the thing that makes shalom possible.

18 · The pastor paints hypothetical scenarios—obedient children transforming homes and churches, lawful citizens transforming society, Adam and Eve's obedience preserving Eden—to make vivid the shalom-producing power of submission

And so just to talk about a few areas, like, I just want you to imagine a scenario in which your kids did what you told them to do. I want to talk more about this because that's not an unreasonable expectation, by the way. So I'm speaking as someone from a previous generation, that's not an unreasonable expectation. I think some of you maybe feel like it is. It's not. We'll talk more about that in a minute. I just want you to imagine for now, kids who do what you actually tell them to do the first time. Like, what does that do to the dynamic of your home? What does that do to the dynamic of your ministry? To the church? What does that do to the reality of your small group? Think of just how transformational obedient children could be. Well, that's the idea that we have here with shalom. This ridiculous kind of peace and rightness that emerges when somebody does what they're supposed to do. Submission is the seeds of civilization shalom. Lots of S sounds in that sentence. But imagine a society where everybody obeyed the laws. Imagine a society where everybody submitted to the authorities that they were supposed to submit to. What would that feel like? What would that look like? See, submission is the seed of these sorts of things. The garden. The garden. God puts Adam and Eve in a beautiful paradise, a shalom. What screws it up? The refusal to submit. So submission is a seed that plants this kind of perfect, this kind of peace that we all deeply long for. And you can't have that peace without submission.

19 · The pastor introduces what he calls the sermon's most important point: all biblical submission is ultimately directed toward God, not the human authority

This is a very important point, probably the most important point I'll make today. And that is that submission is always unto the Lord. Submission is always unto the Lord. Anybody, especially any women here with struggling attention spans, I'd encourage you to invest extra attention right now. I think this is the most helpful thing to be reminded of. Jesus is physically submitting to the authorities in verse 47. But who is He submitting to really? He's submitting to the Lord in verse 42. He's getting his submission straightened out with God. The agent of that submission is not that big of a deal. The question is, can he submit his will to the Father?

20 · The pastor marshals a cascade of New Testament texts showing that every form of submission is explicitly framed as 'unto the Lord,' then expands this into a comprehensive theology: we worship God by interacting with His created order—money, food, authority—according to His prescribed way

So, for instance, in Romans 13:1, we're told to submit to government institutions. As unto the Lord. In Ephesians 6:5, we're told to submit to our bosses as unto the Lord. In Ephesians 6:1, kids are told to submit to their parents as unto the Lord. In Ephesians 5:22, wives are told to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. In Ephesians 5:21, Christians are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We worship— this is key. Go to the next slide. I think I've got this in the right order. We worship God by interacting with the world in a particular way. That's a huge concept. It's very important. We practically worship God, especially just kind of in our daily lives, by interacting with the world in a particular way. And by particular, I mean His way. His prescribed, mandated way. We worship God by interacting with money in a certain way. We worship God by interacting with food in a certain way. We worship God by interacting with authority in a certain way. And when we cease to interact with those things God's way, we cease to worship God.

21 · The pastor applies the theology directly to wives, arguing that submission to an imperfect husband is worship directed toward God

When God is calling any person in this room to submission, and everybody in this room is called to submit to multiple things. Everybody in this room is called to submit to multiple levels of authority. When God calls us to do that, what He's asking us to do is to see Him through that institution or agency and to worship Him as we submit to that particular thing. In this particular case, Jesus in verse 42, the cup, the ask, The thing He's supposed to submit to is a group of, well, terrible, right? Slanderous, rebellious, unsubmissive religious leaders who had hijacked Judaism. God is asking Him to submit to an extremely unworthy vessel, an extremely unworthy institution. But not submit to those things ultimately. Submitting to God ultimately. So, as we're speaking about submission and we're speaking about marriage, I don't only want to talk about the call for wives to submit to husbands, but I do want to discuss it. That call is essentially a call to worship God by interacting with this material thing called a husband, a particular way. Just like God would say, "I want you to worship me by interacting with money a particular way," or "I want you to worship me by interacting with food in a particular way," He's saying, "I've called you to worship me by interacting with this human being called your husband in a particular way." And that particular way is an attitude and actions of submissiveness. Not because he's worthy of it. He's not worthy of it. But because God calls us to interact with His world in particular ways that bring Him honor, and we decide whether or not we want to do what He says or rewrite the playbook to something that's more palatable to our 21st century sensibilities.

22 · The pastor interrupts the exposition to address wives directly with pastoral concern, diagnosing anxiety about submission as fundamentally a trust-in-God issue, not a husband issue

So there's 3 implications for this idea alone. These 2 ideas that submission is a seed, that plants peace, and this idea that all submission is really about worshiping and trusting God. Can I say one more thing about that? Ladies, if you struggle with anxiety and submitting to your husband, those aren't two separate things. That's the same thing. It's the lack of trust in God.

23 · The pastor draws the first implication: most of what people call submission is not biblical submission because it lacks God as the center

So when we combine these two things, the seed of shalom and this idea that we're submitting to institutions with an eye to God, we're worshiping God by interacting with this thing He's put in front of us in a particular way. When we combine those two, we have some very interesting implications. The first one is this: if God is at the center of all submission, or He's supposed to be at the center of all biblical submission, then much of what we call submission isn't. Here's what I mean. You can submit to a person because you kind of like them. That's not biblical submission. You can submit to a person because you're afraid of them. That's not biblical submission. You can submit to a person because you're afraid of losing them. That's not biblical submission. You could submit to a person because you're lazy and don't want to come up with your own plans. that's not biblical submission. You could submit to a person because you'd just like the fight to go away— that's not biblical submission. You could submit to a person because you're tired— that's not biblical submission. Biblical submission is placing your faith in God by submitting to the authorities he's placed in your life His way. So much of what we would call submission, much of what perhaps you've even called submission in your past, if it wasn't God-centered, it wasn't what God's calling submission. God is calling you to worship Him in your act of submission. And otherwise it isn't submission.

24 · The pastor draws the second implication: Jesus' act of submission in Gethsemane was rooted in a lifelong attitude of submission cultivated through daily dependence on the Father

So that's a really interesting implication of this truth. The second one is this: there's an attitude of submission that precedes this action. This act of submission flowed from an attitude that Jesus had toward the Father well before this moment. This is key. Jesus had an attitude of submission toward the Father well before this radical action was called for. Well before He was called to make this radical step of submission, He had a submissive attitude toward the Father. Specifically, He was leaning into and relying upon the Father's leadership long before He was ever called to submit in this particular way. So John 5:19, Jesus says, "The Son only does what He sees the Father doing." John 5:20, "I can do nothing on My own." Jesus says, "But only what my Father is doing." John 8:28, "I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me." John 12:49, "I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment, what to say and what to speak." Jesus' submission in this hard moment was built on a lifetime, and probably more than a lifetime in my opinion, of leaning into the Father's leadership. This was just a call to act on an attitude he'd been practicing and rehearsing for a very long time.

25 · The pastor applies the 'attitude precedes action' principle to wives, men under authority, and husbands

Ladies, that would mean that we don't speak poorly of the people we're called to submit to when we're around our girlfriends, right? That would mean that we actively cultivate, kindle the fires of respect as we think about our husbands and as we speak about our husbands to others. Men, that would mean the same about your boss, and that would mean the same about your pastor. Stop making fun of me behind my back. I don't think you do that, I'm kidding. Men, I think one of the funniest things about this is, you know, are you modeling this to your wives?

26 · The pastor confronts the congregation with a diagnosis: even in complementarian homes, wives often practice reactive submission rather than the proactive helpmate role Scripture describes

Long before these actions, these defining moments of submission show up in a marriage, there will either be the presence of this attitude or the absence of this attitude. Friends, we talk about complementarity and this idea that men are supposed to be in one role and women are supposed to be in another role. And lots of you believe it, but honestly, if you were really thinking about it, all too often in Christian homes, wifely submission looks like, "I'm going to do what I want to do, and if you want me to do something different, just let me know." That's not biblical submission. That is not how God has defined gospel metaphor marriage.

27 · The pastor quotes Elizabeth Elliot at length to establish the positive vision of biblical submission: a wife who actively lends her full strength to helping her husband fulfill his God-given calling, prioritizing his mission over her independent agenda

Elizabeth Elliot wrote, "Christians, both men and women, recognize first the authority of Christ. They pray, 'Thy will be done.' They set about making an honest effort to cooperate with what he's doing, straightening out the kinks in their own lives according to his wishes. A Christian woman then, in submission to God, recognizes the divinely assigned authority of her husband. He didn't earn it, remember, he received it by appointment. She then sets about lending her full strength to helping him do what he's supposed to do, be what he's supposed to be, her head. She's not always trying to get her own way. She's trying to make it easier for him to do his job. She seeks to contribute to his purpose, not to scheme how to accomplish her own." So if your view of Christian submission looks like, "I'm going to go do my life and live my agenda, and then when my husband needs me, I'll listen." you're missing it. You're called to be a helpmate. You're called to complete His mission.

28 · The pastor interrupts to address husbands directly, diagnosing many men as having trivial missions unworthy of a wife's help

Incidentally, man, you've got to have a mission big enough to need help. And getting better at your golf game, or watching the sport, or so on and so forth, isn't a mission that invites anybody in. And it's not big enough to need any help. When you start having, men, when you start having a mission that needs help, and then you see your wife not following and walking with you, come see me. Well, come see me before too. But we have to understand, ladies, you're called to complete this man's mission. And right now it may look as if this man's mission is not very big. And certainly doesn't need much help. That may need to change, but you change too. You obey God, you trust God.

29 · The pastor tells of his father's advice on his first day of work—'figure out who's in charge and make him look good'—and how following that counsel with proactive helpfulness led to monthly raises

So Elizabeth Elliot, the Scriptures, the two most important things to think about when it comes to submission, both would have us prioritize the agenda of that person we're called to submit to. You know, today I've got a pretty cool opportunity. I'm going to Jeff City to speak at my dad's pastoral ordination. My dad's being ordained as a pastor in the Southern Baptist Church today, and I get to speak at that ordination. You know, I've grown very nostalgic as I've thought about all the things my dad's taught me and all the things that he's shown me over the years. But I remember the first day he dropped me off, because I didn't have a car yet, he dropped me off at my first job, the first day at Golden where I was going to clean the muck out of the salad bar every day with a squeegee. And he said, "You go in there, you figure out who's in charge, and you do everything you can to make him look good." And that's what I did. Every day, went in, manager's name was David, drove a pretty awesome Corvette. And every day I went in there, I did all the work he asked me to, and when I had extra time, I'd go to him and say, "What else can I do to help you?" Every day. For 2 years. And just about every month, there was a new number on my hourly rate. Getting a raise every month or so. That's good advice as we think about submission. And as we think not about some kind of reactive submission, that says, "Well, tell me what to do when you need something and I'll do it." But that says, "How can I show up every day to make the authorities in my life succeed? To help the authorities in my life succeed?" That looks like what Jesus is doing here. That looks like Jesus-like submission.

30 · The pastor celebrates submission's transformative power, then pivots sharply to diagnose the congregation's total inability to practice it

So submission is a beautiful thing. It changes homes, it changes husbands, 1 Peter 3, if you haven't read that in a while. Submission can actually change a husband's heart. God will use it that way. It will change churches. It will change civilizations. Submission is a beautiful thing. And here's the deal, you can't do it. You can't be submissive. You are too insecure. You're too desperate to impress your strong sisters. You're too influenced by the world. You're too prideful. You can't be submissive. Your flesh won't let you. You rage against authority. Outwardly, you look all cute and true. Inwardly, you despise being told what to do. You want to be about what you want to be about, but if I pressed you, you couldn't actually define what you're about. You can't be submissive. You can submit to the social opinions, that you're surrounded by. You could submit to traffic laws if you're worried about getting a ticket. You could submit to trends and fashions. But you can't submit. You can't submit to God. You can't worship Him by responding in humility and meekness to authority.

31 · The pastor interprets the Father's silence in response to Jesus' prayer as evidence that no human is capable of submission—leaving the entire room devoid of shalom

And that's why in verse 42, when Jesus says, "Father, if You're willing, remove this cup from Me," that's why the Father responded with silence. Because I don't see a single person in this room capable of submitting. And therefore, I don't see a single shalom seed in this place. No peace. No harmony. No humility. No poverty in spirit. No meekness. No hunger and thirst for righteousness. No blessings. Not a single person in this room is capable of submitting to God like I just described. And that's why verse 42 matters so much. Because the one person who should never have had to submit to anything, because He was in every way equal with God, got down on His knees in the dirt of a place called Gethsemane and said, "Father, would You remove this cup from Me?" And then said, Nevertheless, not my will, but thy will be done.

32 · The pastor articulates the gospel: Jesus' submission was substitutionary—He submitted on behalf of rebellious humanity, satisfying God's justice and making the Spirit of submission available to all who trust Him

Let's make no mistake about it. Submission is at the heart of our hope. If Jesus Christ had not submitted to the Father, if He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, if He did not trust God and submit Himself to the hands of terrible people, there would be no peace, there'd be no hope, there'd be no shalom for any of us here. Apart from Jesus' substitutionary atonement, apart from His substitutionary submission, not a single person in this room has any hope of submitting to God. The glory is that because Jesus walked through this fire trusting the Father, because the Father placed my rebellion on His submissive Son, I now have access by placing my faith in Jesus You now have access by placing your faith in Jesus to the spirit of submission. You have access to the righteousness of this moment in Luke 22:42. The same spirit that empowered Jesus to trust the Father and submit to him is available to you. Now there's hope.

33 · The pastor paints a narrative picture of the two parties converging on Gethsemane—Jesus making peace with the cup while the arresting party approaches—and draws the ironic contrast: submission looked like death that day, but it was the path to resurrection and life for all humanity

You know, as Jesus finished His prayer and went to His disciples, about that same time, you'd guess, the chief priests had begun their 5-minute walk up into Gethsemane to arrest Him. There's this moment, this moment in time when Jesus is making peace with drinking this cup of my sin, of your sin. He's making peace with that. And the high priests and the guards and Judas are walking up the other side of the mountain to arrest him. And Jesus submits himself to these terrible people and submits himself to terrible, terrible death to give you and I the ability to trust God. That's amazing! You know, submission in the world's eyes just looks like death. It looks like the death of identity, the death of equality, the death of potential, the death of options, choices. It looked like death that day too. But it also looked like resurrection and life and renewal.

34 · The pastor synthesizes the sermon's central claims: shalom comes through submission, submission is worship, and submission is how we trust God by interacting with His appointed authorities according to His prescribed way

So the seeds of shalom, the seeds of peace, come when we trust God by worshiping Him, by interacting with authority in a submissive way, with rightful authority in a submissive way.

35 · The pastor acknowledges that practical application requires more granular guidance than a sermon can provide and directs women struggling with submission to seek out other women in the church—including his wife—who are wrestling with the same questions in community

Now there are a million practicals that have to be borne out in this, and in this context, that's not the opportunity to do that. I would point you, however, to my wife and to other ladies who are honestly trying to figure out what this looks like too. If you're married and you're thinking, "Okay, that's exactly the opposite of what the world would tell me. That's exactly the opposite of what my mother would tell me." And you're saying, "What does this look like? How do we put this into motion?" Well, you have sisters in this church who are asking those same questions and seeking the Lord. And I would commend you to seek the Lord together. That's where I would commend you to go from this. Go into relationship, go into community, and begin to sort this out.

36 · The pastor casts a vision of the shalom that would flourish if biblical submission became the defining characteristic of marriages, the church, and eventually the city—submission as the seed that would transform every sphere

Because listen, if we get this, if this becomes a dominant feature of our homes, of our church, Lord willing, our city, My goodness, the shalom that would bloom forth.

37 · The pastor closes in prayer, asking God to cultivate in the marriages of the congregation the same eager submission and leadership Jesus modeled throughout His life, acknowledging that only the gospel can accomplish this sanctifying work

Let's pray. Lord, there's a constant leaning into the Father's leadership that I see you do in the Gospels. It's not just about this moment. This moment is the climax of a life spent depending on the Father's leadership. And I want that so much for the marriages in this room. That the marriages in this room would be defined by that sort of eager submission and leadership. Lord, you alone are able to do that through the gospel. We pray that your gospel would sanctify our hearts this morning. We pray this in the name of Jesus our Savior. Amen.