Successful Christian Parenting, Part 1

6 · Introduces the first main point — the aim of Christian parenting — and draws it directly from verse 14: to raise children who can be told to 'continue in what you have learned and firmly believed

Now, one of the things I love about this passage is that it very clearly shows us the aim of Christian parenting. The aim of Christian parenting. I guess if you're taking notes, that would be the first point of this message. The aim of Christian parenting. Look back at verse 14. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed.

7 · Asserts that 2 Timothy 3:14 provides the clearest biblical statement of the fundamental goal of Christian parenting — to raise children to a point where parents can tell them with conviction to continue in what they have learned and believed

Friends, I don't know of any other Bible verse that so clearly describes the basic goal of Christian parenting. Friends, the basic goal of Christian parenting is to be able to say to the young men and young women that you have raised, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed. A day is coming when you want to be able to look to that young man or that young woman and say with sincerity and conviction, continue in what you have learned and what you have sincerely believed. Friends, there really isn't a better goal than that.

8 · Personal testimony from the pastor that speaking these words to one's own child is the greatest achievement of life, and that children who receive this inheritance are exceptionally wealthy

And, friends, I've had a pretty great life. I've done all sorts of amazing things. But, friends, there's nothing better than to be able to look at one of your children who you saw come into this world and say to them, as a young man or young woman, continue in what you have learned and have sincerely believed. And this is one of the reasons why I love this passage. Friends, any young man or young woman who can hear that from a parent is an exceptionally wealthy young man or young woman.

9 · Illustrates the concept of a 'trust fund baby' by contrasting wealthy young adults in Bozeman whose financial inheritance destabilizes the local economy with Timothy, who received the far superior inheritance of godliness from his family

We have a sister church in Bozeman, Montana. I've never been to Bozeman, but I've heard it's just one of the most beautiful places in that part of the country and in our entire nation. And with all of this beauty comes high interest in moving there. And the wealthy have discovered Bozeman. So we have this relatively young church, a sister church of ours in our denomination, that is really struggling to gain traction in this town. And a lot of their struggles have to do with how a number of members in the church have seen real estate taxes rise to the point where their tax payment, their monthly tax payment into escrow is actually more than their mortgage payment. There's an extreme increase in real estate prices there. And we've all been working together to help this church figure out how to proceed. They're having trouble staying in a facility because the facility prices keep increasing. And so it's all, it's sort of a hub, a buzz amongst many of my pastoral friends as we seek to support this church. By the way, pray for this church. This is Emmaus Road Church in Bozeman, Montana. One of the things we've discovered, upon further investigation, according to one city official, about 50% of those in their 20s and 30s living in Bozeman are trust fund babies. 50% those living in Bozeman are trust fund babies with access to millions and or billions of dollars. And their incredible access to wealth is really just doing super freaky things to the local economy and in particular the local real estate market. Friends, Timothy was the best kind of trust fund baby. He was raised in a godly home. He arrived at young adulthood with this incredible treasury deposited to him so that Paul, not his physical father, but a spiritual father, is able to say to him, all you need to do, Timothy, is continue in what you have learned and have sincerely believed.

10 · Asserts that godliness is the greatest inheritance a parent can give — far surpassing academic achievement, work ethic, or any other blessing — and that giving a child godliness is the most fundamental accomplishment of parenting

Proverbs 13:22 says, A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. Friends, there is no greater inheritance than godliness. Whatever your program for parenting entails, whether it be extracurriculars or academic excellence, and I hope it includes all of those things. Whatever your program for parenting entails, I'm sure it's motivated by a desire to raise them up to a point where they are blessed in all sorts of ways. Friends, you will never bless them in any way. Whether you help them to learn how to study, whether you help them to learn how to play a sport or how to work a job well, whether you give them a tremendous work ethic, whatever you give your kids will pale in comparison to this one thing you if you can give them godliness, if you can give them an understanding of godliness, if you're able to say to these young people who now are little toddlers in your home with Kool Aid mustaches, but will one day be, you know, 16 year old boys with barely identifiable mustaches, if you're able to look to them and say, continue in what you have heard, in what you have learned, have sincerely believed, you have created a trust fund baby, you have accomplished the most fundamental goal of parenting.

11 · Uses the parable of three bricklayers to illustrate levels of understanding about one's work, applying it to parenting: parents are not merely raising children (job) or even building a family (career), but building the household of God (calling)

Three bricklayers were asked, what are you doing? The first says, I'm laying bricks. The second says, I'm building a church. And the third says, I am building the house of God. The first bricklayer has a job, the second bricklayer has a career. But the Third bricklayer has a calling. Parents, what you're doing is building up, fundamentally building up, the household of God. This is an enormously significant calling. As Spurgeon also wrote, children are not a distraction from a more important work. Children are the most important work.

12 · Signals shift from the aim of Christian parenting to the strategies for accomplishing it, using Tolstoy's observation about families to assert that all happy Christian homes share the same basic ingredients, two of which will be drawn from the text

So that's the aim of Christian parenting, to be able to say to that young man or young woman, continue in what you have learned and have sincerely believed. But now I want to show you that this text, in addition to showing us the aim, also gives us some strategies for accomplishing this aim. Tolstoy opens his novel Anna Karenina by observing this. All families are alike. All happy families are alike. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own ways. Friends, let me tell you something. All happy Christian homes have the same basic ingredients. There may be a million ways to make an unhappy home, but there really are only a few ways to make a happy holy home. And our text gives us two of them. I would say two of the most important. Today we'll look at the first and next week the second.

13 · Identifies the two strategies in the text: (1) godly influences ('from whom you learned it') deferred to next week, and (2) the Word of God itself ('the sacred writings') as the primary strategy for today's sermon

Let me point those out to you. Look back at verse 14. But as for you, continue in what you've learned and have firmly believed. There's our aim. Knowing from whom you've learned it. That's our sermon for next week and that I would summarize as the role that godly influences play in the development of a child. Okay, so next week. Godly influences. But the main thrust, the reason why I'm putting it second, is that it's the secondary tactic, I suppose you might say in this passage, the main one, is not just godly influences, but above that, the Word of God itself. Continue in what you've learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you've learned it. Godly influence and how. Verse 15. From childhood you've been acquainted with the sacred writings which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

14 · Expounds verses 16-17, noting that this classic proof text for biblical inerrancy is given in the context of parenting, and that Scripture's four-fold function (teaching, reproof, correction, training) is specifically provided as a tool for parents to raise godly children

Look at verse 16. All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, or for correction and training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete equipped for every good work. Let's just make a brief comment on verse 16 and 17. It's interesting to note that the proof text we most often use to prove the doctrine of the inerrancy of God's Word is actually connected to the home and actually connected to child rearing. Now, of course, we are free to apply this passage in a number of areas, including establishment of good doctrine. But friends, this power passage about the Word of God is given to us as a tool for raising up children that we're able to say, continue in what you've learned and have sincerely believed. Scriptures are provided to you mom and dad, to teach and reprove and correct and train your young men and women that they may grow and be complete and equipped for every good work.

15 · Argues that the distinguishing mark of a great Christian home is the habitual question 'What does the Bible say?' — asked reflexively by parents and children as the Bible becomes the household's rule of life, and introduces the idea that there is a specific way of teaching Scripture that the text commends

I was thinking about how every home has a number of questions that get asked routinely. Questions like, what's for dinner? How is your day? And when they're five, they will tell you too much. And then when they're 15, they won't tell you enough. How was your day? 5 year old. That's it. That's the beginning of an hour long conversation. How was your day? Same child at 15. Fine. So questions in the home. What's for dinner? How was your day? What are we doing tonight? And this one seems dominant in my home, mostly because of me. Has anyone seen my keys? These are kinds of questions that get asked in homes all the time. But I want to tell you that there is one question that great Christian homes ask that other homes don't ask. And they ask it all the time. That question is, what does the Bible say? This is if you want to understand the fundamental of Christian parenting. It is a home full of people who are reflexively asking that one question over and over and over again. What does the Bible say about this? What does the Bible say about that? Dad's asking that question because the Bible is his rule of life. Mom's asking that question because the Bible's her rule of life. And that question begins to be a cultural norm in a home. What does the Bible say in addition to telling us, and we're going to get a little bit more specific, in addition to just commending the Scriptures to us as a tool for raising up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I think we have something even more specific. And that is a specific way of teaching the Scriptures, a specific way of communicating the Scriptures in our home.

16 · Focuses on the phrase 'firmly believed' in verse 14, distinguishing between communicating faith (teaching content) and transmitting faith (producing genuine belief), acknowledging that conversion is God's work while insisting parents still have a role

Look back at verse 14. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed. Now look into that phrase. Lock into that phrase, have firmly believed. And if you have a physical Bible with you, you might want to underline that and put a question mark next to it or maybe write the word prayer next to it. Why do I say that? Well, because that's the real trick, isn't it? We aren't content as parents with merely communicating our faith. We want to transmit our faith. We don't want to simply communicate our faith. We want to transmit our Faith. And that's what this verse is talking about. It's not just that Timothy had learned these things, but that he himself had moved from simply knowing the truth of God's word into trusting God. He had himself sincerely believed these things. Admittedly, that's only something God can do. We can teach our children the Scriptures, but we cannot will them into conversion. And yet. And yet. Lest we wash our hands of any responsibility or any role in that part in their believing.

17 · Identifies the overlooked specific strategy in verse 15 — 'make you wise for salvation' — and argues that the 30% defection problem stems from parents giving gospel without law

I want to point something out to you that I think is extraordinarily overlooked and contributes mightily to this problem. Of the 30% or more who depart the faith. What we see at the beginning of the end of 15 is this how from childhood you've been acquainted with the sacred writings. Look at this phrase which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. The Scriptures that are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. I would definitely underline that phrase because now we're not only being told just broadly, here's the aim of Christian parenting. You want to be able to say to your young man, your young woman, continue in what you've learned and sincerely believed. And we've seen that the Scriptures are God's tool for doing that. But now we have something even more specific. We have a particular strategy given to us on how to teach the Scriptures. On how to teach the Scriptures. So we're thinking about this issue of 30% of young people leaving Christianity, a number of them retaining the title, a number more retaining the title, yet abandoning orthodoxy. And great men of faith from church history knew exactly where that problem came from. John Newton. There is no point upon which men make greater mistakes than upon the relationship which exists between the law and the Gospel. Ignorance of the nature and design of the law is at the bottom of most religious mistakes. What are we getting at here? In short, were saying that there's something that's beyond merely saturating your home with Bible, and that something is to teach your children the law of God in addition to the Gospel of God. This is essential. And where Most of our 30%, in my opinion our 30% problem originates from people giving their children gospel without law. When Jesus says, he who has been forgiven much, loves much, he is talking about the role of the law and the gospel. He's not saying that some of you have more or less to be forgiven, is actually talking about someone who is aware, fully aware, of their need for salvation and thus loves God for providing what they so desperately needed. Listen to how Martin Luther describes the importance of the law in leading people to conversion. Because that's what we're talking about. We're asking, okay, have firmly believed this kid Timothy. He believed he didn't just hear the word, he moved into salvation. And we're acknowledging that that's a sovereign work of God. But we're also acknowledging that there are means to lead people in that direction, a way of approaching the Scriptures that can make them wise for salvation. So I'm telling you parents just, I want to be crystal clear about this, the goal, continue what you've learned. And it's firmly believed. The main strategy, Scripture, something very important that many modern parents neglect. Law. You've got to understand how to use the law, which are the Scriptures, to make your children wise unto salvation. Luther says it this way, therefore, learn who can learn and learn well, so that we may know first the Ten Commandments what we owe to God. First, if we do not know this, then we know nothing and we will not inquire about Christ in the least. I believe that one of the reasons that we're seeing this mass defection from the Christian faith amongst young people is first and foremost. Most obviously, they were not legitimately converted. And secondly, they were fed. Jesus loves you. Jesus died for you. Without any appropriate priming of their hearts to see how glorious a truth that is, they have not been taught the law sufficiently. And Luther says that if someone doesn't understand what they owe God, they will not inquire about Christ in the least, just like we monks, he continues, did, who either held Christ to be an angry judge or despised him entirely in the face of our imaginary holiness. We fancied we were not in sin. We fancied we were not in sin, which the Ten Commandments show and punish. But we had the natural light of reason and free will. And if we lived according to that as much as we were able, then God would have to bestow upon us his grace. But now, if we are to know Christ as our helper and Savior, then we must first know out of what he can help us. Not out of fire or water, or bodily need or danger, but out of sin and the hatred of God. But whence do I know that I lie drowned in misery from no other source than the law? That must show me what my loss and disease are. Otherwise I will never inquire for the physician and his help.

18 · Summarizes the argument by restating the flow of the text — aim (v14), broad strategy (v15a), specific tactic (v15b) — and identifies the specific tactic as teaching the law to prime hearts for the gospel, a method commended by the whole of Scripture

Matthew Henry says it much more simply. The commandments of the Lord are pure, holy and just and good. By them we discover our need for a Savior. Then learn how to adorn his gospel. They are the means which the Holy Spirit uses in enlightening the eyes. They bring us to a sight and sense of our sin and misery and direct us in the way of duty. So what we're saying, and I want to make sure we're seeing the flow of the text appropriately, we have the aim in verse 14, we have the main broad strategy in verse 15, how from childhood you are acquainted with the sacred writings. And then at the end of verse 15, we have the very specific tactic that I want to commend to you today. Knowing many of you Christian parents are faithful in effusing the home with the Word. I know that in many of your homes that the question that is dominant is what does the Bible say? But I want to make sure that you understand there is a particular tactic commended not only by this passage, but by the whole of God's word that can help you to help your children be made wise unto salvation. And that is a proper teaching of God's law which primes their hearts for a eager reception of God's gospel.

19 · Transitions to specific application by offering to provide further instruction on how to teach the law (through meetings or personal conversation) and urging parents to move from well-meaning ignorance to well-informed action

Now let me tell you specifically I want to be very clear here how to teach the law. We may need to do a meeting about this, a zoom call or something. I'm happy to flesh this out much further. This is a subject I think you could probably tell I'm passionate about. I'm passionate about Christian parenting and I'm passionate to help Christian parents who mean well do well because meaning well is not sufficient. I don't want you to have a zeal that is adjoined to ignorance. I want you to have a zeal that's adjoined to knowledge. Okay, So I want to be as clear as I can within this context of a sermon. But also this is. Friends, you would not be hassling me. You would not be bothering me. You would not be wasting my time by just saying, I need to talk to you about this in more detail. I. I can help you think through self righteous children. I can help you think through. You know, we can apply this stuff in a lot of directions.

20 · Defines the law-gospel distinction theologically: law highlights our need for salvation by revealing God's righteous requirements and bringing conviction; gospel provides salvation through Christ's fulfillment of the law, bringing relief and joy

But let me just give you some general idea of how to help your children be made wise for salvation. Just so there's no confusion, what I mean by God's law is this. God's saving work happens in two phases that are most broadly theologically labeled as law and Gospel. The law highlights our need for salvation and the gospel provides the means of God's salvation. Now one thing I want you to understand is it would be wrong to say that the Law is located only in the Old Testament and that the gospel is located only in the New Testament. There is plenty of gospel in the Old Testament and there is plenty of law in the New Testament. The law is simply the righteous requirements of God designed to bring conviction to the conscience. And the Gospel is the righteous fulfillment of that law by Christ meant to produce relief and joy to the convicted conscience. You, you could say it this way. Every child's got a conscience. That conscience can be imagined as a piece of iron stoked into the furnace of God's righteous holy requirements and then cooled and calmed in the relief, the water bucket of gospel. That's one way to think about it. There's probably a better way that just was on the fly, as they say.

21 · Gives two specific, concrete instructions for teaching the law: (1) make the Ten Commandments the known law of the home, ensuring children memorize and understand them; (2) regularly teach Matthew 5-7 (the Sermon on the Mount), where Jesus closes loopholes for self-righteousness by revealing the heart-level demands of the law

Now that's what I mean by long gospel. And I will give you some specifics at minimum. The Ten Commandments need to be known and seen as the law of the home. Everybody needs to be asking, not only what does the Bible say, but are we? Am I as a dad, as a mom, as a kid, are you obeying the Ten Commandments? Our kids need to know the Ten Commandments forward and backwards. They need to have some understanding of what those commandments mean. Next. In addition to the Ten Commandments, let me tell you a second thing you should do. You need to teach regularly. Matthew 5 through 7. Matthew 5. 7 is the sermon on the Mount. And one of the things that Jesus is doing with the Sermon on the Mount is he is correcting the way that the human heart finds loopholes in reaction to the divine law. And so Matthew 5. 7 is law in the sense that Jesus says. You have heard it said. But I tell you, this is where self righteousness goes to die. Matthew 5. Seven is where self righteousness goes to die.

22 · Personal story of the pastor's young daughter Sarah, who woke her parents at midnight to confess that she had 'hated Brookie in her heart

I told you earlier, if even if you're not a parent, we're talking to some degree about how to grow in godliness. If you have a problem with self righteousness, if you're not thrilled that Jesus died for you, if you've lost the joy of your salvation, well, here's where I would go. You go to Matthew 5. 7 and you see what God really expects of you. And you will find abundantly clear that you need a savior, desperately need a savior. I think this passage, Matthew 5. 7 is essentially ought to be in essential way, probably saying something heretical here. Bear with me the third table of the law. We've got the first five ten Commandments, we've got the second five ten Commandments, and then we've got this section of scripture. And this should be the rules of our home. The rules of our home. This is what God wants from us as human beings. I remember, like, yesterday, a night when the kids were very, very young. Wesley had just emerged onto the scene. Sarah and Brooke were very young. Sarah had gotten chickenpox, and Brooke got contracted the pox from Sarah. Problem is, is that Sarah's pox were really bad. She was living the life of job, scratching her wounds with clay pots. And Brooke was, like, maybe running a light temperature and had like three sketchy bumps on her whole tiny body. Brooke had said something to Sarah, probably slightly antagonistically, that the chickenpox were fun. And so one late night, at least by midnight, Angela and I were asleep in our bed, and we awoke to a sobbing. Sarah standing at the side of the bed, and we said, what's going on? What's wrong? And she said, I sinned and I feel really bad about it. And I said, well, what did you do? Because I'm thinking you couldn't have done much. Like, you've literally been in bed for four days watching Barney, like, you couldn't have. I'm like, what? How could you? What could you have done? And this is what she said. Remember, oldest child, Some of, you know, sibling dynamics, you know, where self righteousness would tend to rest, where outward compliance, the pleaser child, and so on and so forth. This is what she said to me. I hated Brookie in my heart. I hated Brookie in my heart. And she just kept repeating that to me. I hated Brookie in my heart. And, you know, you're stuck in these moments as parents where your kids are confessing real sin, but they're also unbelievably cute. And it's like, okay, you know, game face, because I just want to be like, you're so cute. And I said, well, how did you hate Brookie in your heart? And she said, I hated Brookie in my heart because she said the chicken pox were fun and not a big deal. And I remember feeling hatred in my heart toward her. Now, just think about all that God had been doing in our life, our little family, to lead to that conversation. Just think of all of the layers of God's faithfulness throughout many generations that led to that little conversation. See, one of the things that was happening that night is we were asleep, but the law was at work. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I've thought about it. I can't answer it. Who taught Sarah the following? Was it us? Was it someone In Sunday school, I don't know. And that's related to next week's conversation about godly influences. But somewhere along the way, little Sarah had heard Jesus say in Matthew 5:21, you have heard that it was said of old, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment. But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council, and whoever says, you fool will be liable to the hell of fire. Someone had taught my 5 year old that law, and because of that she was there at my bedside, more wise for salvation. So that I was able to say, sweetie, you're right, that is a sin. And we're so glad that when we sin we have a Savior who died for us so that we could be forgiven and so that we could learn how to do better in the future. So I can tell you, honey, let's just pray and ask for forgiveness and then leave me alone.