Who defines gender and what does it mean?

6 · Extended analogy of walking from darkness into bright light illustrates the disorienting but ultimately beneficial experience of encountering Scripture's clarity on controversial topics

But have you ever had the experience of being in a dark room and it's very dark in there, and yet you open the door to the next room and it's very bright in the next room? So maybe think it, you're walking out of a movie theater in the middle of the summer. You're walking out of the movie theater. And I remember at Sunland Park, there was like 10 feet between some of the doors. You know, you'd be in the movie theater, you'd walk out, and then poof, you'd open the door and then bam, the El Paso sun would be, ah, my eyes, you know, and you're stumbling your way to your car. But noting that in the end, that's probably more helpful. It's probably more helpful to be able to see everything around you than to live in darkness.

7 · Applies the illustration directly to the passage, framing initial discomfort with 1 Corinthians 11 as the necessary adjustment period when truth confronts cultural confusion

This passage is that moment. It's the moment where we push open the door, realize we have been living in this sort of darkness and cultural confusion. We open it and it takes a minute for our eyes to adjust. Maybe your eyes water up a little bit and you're stumbling around and you're disoriented. That is this passage. But it is far better to allow our eyes to get used to seeing what Scripture has in front of us. Than to live in darkness.

8 · Locates the passage structurally within 1 Corinthians, identifying it as transitional between Paul's treatment of sexuality/marriage and his instructions for corporate worship

Now, in his letter to the Corinthian church, Paul the Apostle has been discussing and correcting their view of marriage and singleness and sex and gender. And he's about to begin covering the gathering of the church, how the church is meant to interact with one another, how the church is meant to live with one another. And this passage is right at the crux of that. It's right at the intersection of sex and the sacraments, or gender and the gathering.

9 · States the sermon's main thesis as a negative command, framing the passage as calling believers away from gender confusion toward God's clear and beautiful design

And on both of those issues, I would say, There is massive cultural confusion in and outside of the church today. So let me give you one clear headline that I think will summarize the text itself, and it's a call. The call is this: do not blur or subvert in gender what God has made clear and beautiful. That's the call of the passage. Don't blur or subvert in gender specifically what God has made clear and Beautiful.

10 · Pastoral aside to guests explaining the church's expository preaching method and acknowledging the potentially uncomfortable nature of the passage for first-time visitors

Now, if you're a guest, you might think, man, what a wild first Sunday at the church. I did not expect— how do they pick these passages? Well, the way we pick these passages, it's the next one. So last week we did 10, today we're doing 11, next week, uh, I bet you can guess what we're doing next week. This is what we do. We walk through the Bible. And so you get to kind of listen in, but I hope you'll be intrigued and I hope maybe your eyes will begin to adjust. As we see the light of the Scriptures.

11 · Signals a structural shift to preliminary groundwork, identifying three foundational assumptions about gender that the original audience held but modern readers lack

In this passage, the Bible is nothing if not clear and helpful. Now, before we begin in the passage itself, I want to begin with 3 starting points, 3 gender-defining starting points that I think Paul is assuming and his readers are assuming, but we in our current culture cannot assume. And here are the 3 assumptions coming into this passage.

12 · States the three foundational assumptions in compressed form, establishing the theological architecture for the exposition that follows

Humanity is created. Gender is created and designed. And third, authority is woven into creation by design.

13 · Demonstrates through word study that the passage grounds gender discussion in divine creation rather than cultural construction, noting the repeated emphasis on God as maker throughout verses 8, 9, and 12

So first, humanity is created. Now notice, important to note, that rather than referring to culture first as it relates to gender, this passage and Paul and the Word of God point us back to relationship with God. So rather than thinking horizontally about about gender. We think vertically about gender. And notice the string of words in this passage. Verse 8, twice it says, "He made." God made. Verse 9 says, "He created." God created. Verse 12, "He made." God made.

14 · Contrasts the passage's creational framework with contemporary identity formation (discovery vs

And in our culture, that is hugely important because the way that we determine identity in our culture today as human beings is one of two ways, usually. We either seek to discover who we are, which is sort of a post-Enlightenment category, if you care about that. And then we— or in postmodern culture, we seek to create who we are, meaning we design ourselves. Have you ever played a video game where you get to pick your own character? You're like, "I don't like that hair. I don't like that body. I want to be bigger. I want to be smaller. I want to have, you know, I want to have a tattoo. I don't like the tattoo." Right? You're just— that's sort of what we're doing now in our cultural categories.

15 · Direct propositional statement answering the identity question: God alone creates, makes, and defines human identity

Here's what it means. For me to be a human being. The answer to the question, who creates our identity, who defines our identity, is this: God does. God creates. God makes. God defines.

16 · Applies the doctrine of divine identity-definition to specific life situations, listing concrete sources of false identity (ex-partners, coworkers, test scores, social media) and asserting liberation from these voices

Now, this is hugely freeing, and it lays a claim on our lives. It's hugely freeing because we are not, brothers and sisters, ultimately defined by the opinion of our ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. No matter what they're saying about us on Facebook, we are not defined by our bitter coworker and what they've said about us. We are not defined by our test scores or our criminal record or lack thereof, by our resume, by our number of social media followers. We are only defined by who God says we are. And that should be incredibly, incredibly freeing in this culture.

17 · Balances the liberation of divine identity with its constraint, asserting that God's definition of identity excludes self-definition or self-discovery as ultimate authorities

But second, it lays a claim on our lives. It means this: we don't get to decide who we are. We don't. We don't get to discover it somewhere else. We don't get to create it for ourselves. God defines it.

18 · Unpacks the second foundational assumption, arguing that male and female are not accidental features but deliberate design elements essential to humanity

Second, gender is created and designed. Notice that creation and design, as it comes to gender, is male and female. The complementary creation of the male and the female was made by the Maker. It is— male and female are not accidental. They're not incidental to what it means to be a human. They were designed. They were made. Made by the Maker.

19 · Asserts the universal and transcultural nature of gender as male and female, grounding this universality in divine design

And there is a fundamental maleness and femaleness that transcends even culture and, and age and continent. God designed it so.

20 · Applies gender-as-created-design to both men and women, listing specific false authorities (attractiveness ratings, in-laws, parenting blogs, athletic performance, parental approval) and asserting liberation from these voices through divine definition alone

And this also is hugely freeing, and it lays a claim on us. It frees us because what it means to be a, for example, a worthy and valued woman is not defined by your how many out of 10 attractiveness rating. It is not defined by your mother-in-law. That's a word for someone. It's not defined by mommy bloggers and how— what they think about how you're raising your kids. Similarly, for men, what it means to be a man is not defined by your muscle definition or your high school sports record. Some of you are still living there. It's okay. For good or for bad. It's also not defined by your dad and his disappointment in you or your dad and his pride in you. What it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman is only defined by the Lord himself. And that means you can put to rest all the other voices around you. And listen to him.

21 · Balances freedom with constraint again, asserting that divine gender definition removes self-determination while providing clarity through reference to the Creator

But it also lays a claim on your life. It means that what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a man, is not up at the most ultimate essence of itself. It's not up to you. It's up to your maker. He has made you a man or a woman. And the way to determine what that means is to go back to the maker and ask, what does this mean? That is gender. Gender is created and designed.

22 · Introduces the third foundational assumption by reading verse 3, acknowledging its cultural controversy while establishing that authority structures are part of God's design

And third, authority is woven into creation by design. As if this could not be more controversial in our culture, Paul adds submission and authority into this in verse 3. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

23 · Anticipates the cultural objection to husbands as heads by distinguishing biblical headship from corporate authority structures, pointing instead to the Trinitarian relationship as the interpretive key

Now, that middle phrase probably blares— it's like a flashing red light in 21st century America. What do you mean the head of a wife is her husband. But I think one of the things that happens though when we see that is when we think of the head of something, we think of that head of a company, right? That some CEO, some big shot, right? You know, doesn't take coach anymore. He's on a private plane. He's coming in. He's firing people. He's hiring people. He's the big honcho. Everybody defers to him. And we think, is that what a husband is? No. In fact, Paul's reference is not to the business world or the cultural world. Paul's reference for what this means is, well, it's a reference to God himself.

24 · Explains how Christ's functional submission to the Father during his earthly ministry redefines authority and submission, demonstrating that submission does not imply ontological inferiority

It says that last phrase that the head of Christ is God, meaning that Jesus in his earthly ministry often said, "I do nothing apart from what my Father tells me to do, and everything my Father tells me to do, I then do." And it upends our categories of authority and submission because it must mean that whoever is under authority— it must not mean, rather, that whoever is under authority is less valued. It must not mean that whoever is under authority is demeaned in some ontological, essential way. Christ was not demeaned by obeying his heavenly Father.

25 · Synthesizes the authority structure of verse 3, demonstrating that every party (Father, Son, man, wife) participates in submission while maintaining their full glory and value, with the head/glory distinction preventing hierarchy from becoming oppression

And so whatever else, whatever categories we're using to think about these things, Scripture calls us, put the cultural categories away, listen to the Lord. Right? That is where we want to lean in. And also notice this, authority is so woven into the fabric of creation that everyone in this passage is submitted. Somehow in the Trinity, God submits, at least functionally during Christ's ministry, to God. Every man submits to Christ. So, in the most fundamental sense, the head of every man is Christ. The head of every household is Christ, as the Christ is the head of the man, right? The head of every wife then is her husband. And yet, those in the passage that are submitted to someone else are no less glorious. As we will see later, the, The man being the head of the household is contrasted with, in verse 7, the woman being the glory of the man. So, one is the head and one is the glory. Neither are demeaned, and authority and submission are woven into God's design.

26 · Signals return to the text after the foundational groundwork, acknowledging the passage's initial opacity and promising to re-read with better preparation

Now, as we approach the passage, a few things to note up front, a few orienting notes before we— we're going to actually read the passage again because I found with this passage in particular, the first time you read through it, you're just like, what in the world. You can't even hear it. You're just, you know, it's like hairstyles and baldness and the— because of the angels and what is happening. So we're going to read it in just a second, but before we do, I want you to hear 3, uh, 3 things.

27 · Establishes first hermeneutical principle: the passage addresses a specific Corinthian problem requiring historical-contextual understanding before contemporary application

First, as we approach the passage, remember that Paul's counsel and direction stem from a particular problem in the Corinthian church that he is responding to. So these aren't just a collection of general principles in abstract, but they are specific corrections to something happening in Corinth. And so it's important for us to understand the text in the world of Corinth before we try to bring the text into our world. Otherwise, we will misapply it. That's the first thing to note.

28 · Establishes second hermeneutical principle: Scripture provides sufficient rather than exhaustive information, freeing the interpreter from speculation while trusting biblical adequacy

Second, note as we approach the passage that the Bible And this is tough as a preacher. The Bible does not give us all the information we would like to have about this problem, but it does give us all the information that we need to have when it comes to this problem. So there are details of the text, speculations. I mean, I've seen so much ink spilled, people saying, what about this? What, you know, they're trying to tie things together from just like, okay, We just don't know. We don't know exactly what was going on at this gathering in Corinth, but we have what we need.

29 · Establishes third hermeneutical principle: distinguishing cultural application from creational principle by watching for Paul's appeals to creation, which signal universal rather than local instruction

And the third thing to note before we approach the passage is this: there are clear cultural issues, but as we understand them in their context, we then begin to recognize principles that apply not just in first-century Corinth, but principles that apply to all people. In all places at all times. And one of the dangers of a passage like this is that we begin to go, okay, well, if this passage must go in the pile of scriptures like, okay, we used to not eat pork, but I guess now we eat pork. We used to not eat shellfish, but I guess we eat shellfish now. So I guess this is just one of those things that just stays in the past. We skip it and move on to the next passage. No, no, no. I will tell you in particular what to look for. Whenever Paul references, not the Corinthian culture, but creation, right? He's referencing a creational principle that is not just true for those in Corinth, but for those in 21st century America and for every culture beyond. So we want to find those, hold fast to them.

30 · Re-reads verses 4-10 with brief interpretive notes, highlighting wordplay on "head" and offering a gloss on the angels reference as cosmic witness to gender order

Now, with that in mind, we're going to back up. I'm going to read again verse 4 through the end. And I want you to, with those things in mind, begin to process some of this. Verse 4, this is his concern. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. Notice the play on words there. But every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head. Again, another play on words, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, Let her cover her head, for a man ought not to cover his head since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That's why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because of the angels. Which, side note, I think that's essentially just a reference to because it's displaying something into the universe, angels being one of the onlooking things.

31 · Continues reading through verse 16, emphasizing the mutual interdependence of men and women and Paul's appeal to nature as teacher

Nevertheless, in the Lord, woman is not independent of man, nor man of woman. For as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves. Is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God.

32 · Synthesizes Paul's concern into a single question applicable to the contemporary church: are believers presenting themselves in ways that subvert God's gender design?

So, Paul's concern here, if we distill it, is this: In the gathered church, is there anything about the way you are presenting yourself as a Christian man or Christian woman that is subverting, blurring, or rejecting the distinct and glorious design that God has given you? Like, that's what Paul's asking. Is there something about the way you're presenting yourself that is subverting that?

33 · Transitions to contemporary application by addressing transgenderism with explicit compassion, grounding the church's response in a theology of universal human brokenness

Now, we must then address in our world today, broadly speaking, the reality of transgenderism. And I would even say the grieving reality of transgenderism. And we want to lean in first with compassion here. Some do experience profound gender dysphoria, and that is a sad result of living in a fallen world in which every aspect of ourselves is broken. Our minds, our bodies, our souls. All of it is cracked and bent. And we Christians, more than anyone else, should understand the profound effects of brokenness on us at every level. Mostly because we see those profound effects when we look in the mirror. None of us look in the mirror and think, "Well, that person's whole." No. We all have cracked and bent lives, both physically and mentally and spiritually. All of it.

34 · Balances compassion with theological clarity, asserting that attempts to change one's gender violate God's creational design and will not produce flourishing

Yet here is where the church has an opportunity to be both compassionate and courageous. We must say clearly, as we will speak on in a minute, it will not result in good now or in eternity for individuals to mar or seek to change their gender. They are taking a design, a, a, a maidens, a createdness intrinsic to them that God placed there for their good and for his glory, and to seek to disregard or change it is chasing the wind.

35 · Pivots from external cultural critique to internal church examination, calling believers to celebrate their own God-given gender before addressing the world

But lest then we look with self-righteousness toward the world, we must examine ourselves. We as a church must examine ourselves. We must first respond to this not by looking out there, but by looking in here, and by celebrating and rejoicing in our gender as God has God has made us.

36 · Personal story of feeling inadequate as a male child when comparing himself to physically strong grandfathers, establishing vulnerability and identifying with those who struggle to fit gender stereotypes

Now, I'm going to be transparent here. I often, growing up, felt ill-suited to be male within the context of my family. And one of the reasons was my grandfathers were both very physically strong men. My Mississippi grandfather was a general contractor his whole life and was a tough guy. And I remember as a kid trying to put my hand around— my little hand, I have this distinct memory, trying to put my little hand around his bicep and I couldn't. I'd be like, "Ugh, ugh," you know, like that. And he would flex and it would be like a rock. But as I grew up, I remember growing up with this granddad and doing projects with him, and he's torquing things, and he's pulling stuff out of the wall, and he's, you know, even in his 60s, he's doing this stuff. And I remember feeling his bicep and going home at age 12 and feeling my bicep and thinking, something has gone generationally wrong in our family.

37 · Continues personal story with the other grandfather, deepening the sense of inadequacy and making explicit the identity crisis question: "What do I do if I don't fit the masculine stereotypes around me?"

And on the other side, my dad's father was also a very strong man in a number of respects. Very athletic in many ways. Loved playing baseball, was a swimmer into his 80s. He lived till his late 90s. I mean, he just was like the Terminator. He just would keep going. And I just remember thinking, okay, just even with these two men in my family as reference points, other guys in my family, very men, that, you know, masculine seeming, physically strong, tough, all those things. And looking at myself in the mirror at age 12 and 13 and thinking, I'm not that. So what do I do? Right? What do I do then? How— like, I don't feel suited to be that if that's what that is.

38 · Resolves the personal illustration by articulating the journey from mere confession of gender to faith-filled celebration of God's good design, calling listeners to similar faith regardless of cultural stereotypes

And the reality is this. It's taken me years, I think, to get to a place— see, here's where I'm pushing, OK? It is one thing to say, confess, "God made me a man." It is another to get to the point where we say, "God made me a man and it is good, and He made no mistakes." Right? Even if you feel like, "Man, I don't feel some of these stereotypes." That's okay. You don't look at the culture. Look at the Lord, look at His Word, and look at yourself in light of those things, and then get to the point where you're able to say with faith, I'm not just a man. I'm not just a woman. I am a man made by God. I'm a woman made by God as a woman, and I believe and rejoice that it is good.

39 · Direct pastoral address to women naming the contradictory cultural expectations they face (beauty without effort, strength and softness, professional and feminine) and calling them to tune out these voices and listen to God alone

Man, I just have such a burden, especially for my sisters on this issue. You are feeling such contradictory cross-cultural currents that if you listen to everyone in the culture trying to tell you what it means to be a woman, you have to be exquisitely beautiful, but without a lot of effort, because you don't want to be— you don't want to expend too much effort. And you have to be a boss at work and yet soft and also still feminine. You got to be able to rock a pantsuit and walk in and take charge of a meeting, but you also need to wear a dress and be soft and sort of feminine in all of the best ways. And you got to be able to keep up with the boys if you're playing soccer, but not be too masculine. You know, and it's just— It's just these constant cross-currents that— here's what I'm praying that you're able to do today, sisters, that you tune out the cultural voices and listen to your Maker, that he has made you a woman and he did not make a mistake and he calls it good. Receive the reality of that in your life.

40 · Application calling believers not just to celebrate gender but to constrain self-expression within God's boundaries, identifying the cultural drive for uniqueness as pressure pushing against gender boundaries

And second, we just— we not only rejoice in it, we must also then rein in our self-expression within the boundaries of God's design. One of the cultural pushes that we— one of the cultural currents, you could say it that way, in our culture is that self-expression and uniqueness and being utterly one of a kind is one of the paths to self-fulfillment and peace and satisfaction. So, you have to continue And I think it's one of the reasons we continue to press on these boundaries of gender, because we want to be unique. We want to be special. We want to be one of a kind. And yet we have to remember, brothers and sisters, that Scripture does define boundaries for what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. Now we could dive into— I was talking to Jen, my wife, this morning. Man, we could take any specific style of dress or article of clothing and spend an hour on it. But I'm going to commend you to simply have this conviction that the way that I express maleness and femaleness, those expressions must be within the boundaries that the Lord has set for me, for my good.

41 · Major structural pivot from gender to marriage, maintaining the "do not subvert" framework while narrowing focus to the marital relationship specifically

So, that's the call not to subvert God's design for gender. Now, second, do not subvert God's design for marriage.

42 · Explains the historical-cultural meaning of head coverings through Redmond's scholarship, identifying the specific Corinthian issue (women removing signs of authority in worship) and its cultural meaning (associating with prostitutes and rejecting creational order)

Now, as we've said, this primarily relates— this passage primarily relates to the way a married woman is acting within the gathered church. Um, Eric Redmond gives a helpful overview of the issue of head coverings. Some of you are thinking, like, at some point though, he's gonna explain the head coverings, right? What is up with those? Okay, I'm gonna ask Dr. Redmond to help us with this. He says this: the covering or veiling of the head as a sign of submission was a practice of Jewish women and a practice known in East Asia among women, not a practice of Corinth, meaning not, not for that specifically. It's these cultures around mixing. A man veiling his head in public worship when praying would be dishonoring to his own head, showing a sign that would be— that would hinder his role in pointing to Christ as his head. In contrast, a woman unveiled would be showing herself to be free from male authority, like prostitutes who wore uncovered heads. Communicating the sexual freedom of a prostitute would have been as shameful as being without hair for a woman in Corinth, which would have been a shameful thing. Praying or giving prophecy without a sign of submission would be, listen, a denial of the order of creation.

43 · Defends the transcultural nature of male headship by showing Paul's appeal to creation order (woman from man, after man, helper for man's mission) rather than cultural practice, arguing this signals a universal principle

Now, again, it is tempting to say, well, listen, this whole business of husbands being the head of households and being submitted and signs of authority, isn't it just a relic of an old culture? But notice what Paul does. Paul ties this not to a current cultural moment, but rather he ties his counsel back to God's created design. So there's a lot there we could unpack. We will fly over it. But notice this: the woman was created from man and after man and is brought then under the man's mission as given by God. So, so So God is saying something in the creation story. He could have just made them simultaneous, but notice this: God creates Adam, he gives Adam a charge, he gives Adam a mission, and then he says, "We need a helper fit for Adam." That word "helper" means someone who brings strength to where it is lacking. So the man needs help, but the woman is not given her own separate mission. She's brought into Adam's mission and is perfectly suited to do something within that relationship, to bring strength where it is needed to build that house.

44 · Distills Paul's concern into a transcultural principle: whether a wife's public behavior in the church honors or shames her husband, applicable regardless of specific cultural forms

Now, so much more we could say there, but I think if you sort through all the cultural issues, what Paul's concern is this: is the way the wife is behaving in the context of the church honoring her husband or shaming him, right? That is a universal concern. Is the way she's interacting with those inside and outside the church, is she honoring this man and his God-given, God-designed distinctives, or is she undermining it, disregarding it, and shaming him? And I think that is a relevant question for any and every age.

45 · Direct application to wives asking whether they demean or dishonor their husbands in subtle or overt ways, with speech patterns (to children, friends, others) offered as the diagnostic test

Sisters, let me ask you, are there ways, especially if you're a wife, are there ways as a wife in which you may be tempted to demean or dishonor your husband in big ways or small ways? Are there ways in which you seek to undermine his call to be the spiritual leader in your home, to be the head of a household? Are there ways in which you try to subtly remove any trace of that biblical relationship and and in the sake of equality, destroy distinctiveness. And perhaps one of the best gauges of this is how do you speak about Him? How do you speak about Him to your children? How do you speak about Him to your friends? How do you speak about Him to others who know you?

46 · Exposition of verse 12's mutual dependence principle, emphasizing that every man's origin from woman provides a humbling check against male pride and self-sufficiency

That's the call to every wife. And then look at the call to the husbands here. Paul pushes on the husbands in a couple of ways to make sure they're thinking and acting biblically. First, he provides— one of the brothers was after the service, the first service, was joking with me. A very humbling reminder that Paul offers in the text that women— I mean, you just think, okay, well, duh. But he says, okay, and men. So women were made out of man and the creation story, but every single man is born of a woman. Meaning this, that every big, strong man with large biceps who impresses others at the gym, once came from a woman naked and crying like a baby waiting for his little diaper to be changed. Right? And so there's this— there's this humility woven into what it means to be a man. So lest men go like, "Yeah, I don't need anybody." No, you did. You still do, and you did. Let's illustrate, right? Your mom, I am sure, has some little precious baby pictures of you. That she can whip out if you ever feel too proud. And so, feel free to, wives, get ahold of those if needed.

47 · Exposition of verse 7's glory language, using the Trinitarian relationship (Christ as Father's glory) to interpret how wife as man's glory balances headship with honoring

Now, here's the second thing, though, a contrast in verse 7. This beautiful, I mean, we could spend the entire message on this phrase, verse 7, "For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man." Now, notice this as relates to the two individuals here, the man and the woman, that there is an appropriate headship that the man has, and that perhaps defines some of his relationship with the woman, but that there is another aspect of his relationship with the woman, which is this, that she is his glory. And if you go up earlier into the text, the comparison is that Christ is submitted to his Father, but Christ is also the glory of his Father. That God the Father delights to highlight the work of Jesus Christ, to lift him up before all creation and to say, "Behold my Son in whom I am well pleased," like at his baptism.

48 · Uses Genesis 2 to illustrate the glory principle, contrasting managerial authority with Adam's song of delight over Eve, establishing love and protection as the husband's primary responsibility

You go, then you image that, you go back to Genesis 2 where Adam sees his wife Eve and he does not say, "Aha." "Ah, now an opportunity to exercise my authority. Now listen, I'm the manager, you're the assistant manager here." And he doesn't do that. What he does is this. He sees this woman and he says, "This at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." And he sings over her. And all of a sudden his life changes such that his responsibility, his first responsibility is to love her. To protect her, to care for her, to, to make her his glory, as the Scripture would say, the glory of his household. And that pattern continues, brothers. It continues that the glory of each of our households, our glory, is our wife.

49 · Application to husbands mirroring the earlier application to wives, asking whether they treat their wives as glorious and precious, with speech patterns again serving as the diagnostic test

And so the question today for us as husbands is this: do you see your wife as the glory of your life and your family? Do you treat your wife as a glorious, precious thing? Are there any ways in which you may have taken her for granted or treated her as an obstacle to your own happiness or a vehicle for your own happiness? How do you speak about her to your children, to your friends, to those who know you? Would others listening in on your speech for a week conclude, "Oh man, she is his glory. That's the way he talks about her"? Lord, help us.

50 · Signals the sermon's closing movement with a structural preview of the conclusion's three parts

Now, as we close now, those two principles should land on us. And in closing, I want to just highlight three brief— actually, two brief things and then close with an encouragement.

51 · Vision-casting for the church as a place of "gender sanity and celebration" amid cultural confusion, using corporate singing as illustration of complementary beauty

So, first, I just want to share a burden I have for us as a church. We want to be a place— Cross of Grace Church should be a place, by God's grace, that is a place of gender sanity and a place of gender celebration in a world of gender confusion. We want to value and honor when men are men We want to value and honor when women are women, right? We want to be a church where mothers in the faith are valued and rejoiced over, where fathers in the faith are valued and rejoiced over, and that they're not the same. They display God's glory in different and complementary ways, even in the gathering of the church. I mean, just think when we sing on Sundays, when I hear female voices, it is beautiful in a way that the male voice is not. And when men sing, you know, you get a good, like, low-end hymn where you can finally feel the rumble of some of the guys' bass voices. You're like, "Yeah, there it is. Stop singing that weird Chris Tomlin high stuff. Let's do, you know, 'A Mighty Fortress' again." You know? But then there is a beauty to the high stuff, right? It's this complementariness in the church that we should say, "This is beautiful."

52 · Applies gender complementarity to church leadership, defending male-only eldership as parallel to household headship, with the father/mother distinction preserving distinct glories

And one of the ways we apply this is by holding the theological distinctive. I want to make a note of this because this has been broadly challenged in the church right now. We want to make the distinction that we believe pastor elders are male and that those doing authoritative teaching in the church, doing the father work of the church, the correction, the doctrinal guarding, the preaching of the Word, that those, it's appropriate and right that those be men, because in a sense, they are— there are some men that are the head of their household and they're doing that work within their household, and there's some men that God calls to do that for the broader household of the church and to say, "Not that, not this. We need to guard from this." Let's— and it's a dad moment in a sense. We need to preserve that, that elders are fathers in the faith and not mothers, and mothers in the faith are glorious and distinct and not fathers. That's what we want to preserve.

53 · Identifies two inadequate Christian responses to transgenderism (compassion-only and courage-only camps), setting up the synthesis that will follow

Then, as it relates to the world, I want to encourage us because I think, as I've seen the Christian reaction to transgenderism in the world around us, there are two— often, I'm going to oversimplify— often two general camps when it comes to the church's response to transgenderism. The first is the compassion camp, and the second is the courage camp. The compassion camp is like, man, we just need to do anything we can to make these people feel comfortable in the church. We want to help anyone, regardless of what they look like, to feel welcome in the church. And for much of that, we should and could, and I hope and pray do say amen, that we do want anyone to be able to come in, worship, and rejoice, and to feel like we value them as a human being. Man, I pray for that. But then you have another camp that's like, no, no, no, the thing that they need also is truth. We got to make the truth clear. We got to hold on to the scriptures. We got to hold tight to these truths of male and female gender. We got to be out in the public square advocating for this.

54 · Synthesizes compassion and courage into a both/and requirement, arguing that truth-telling is compassionate and relational engagement is courageous, with personal engagement being harder than abstract critique

And so you have one group that's all compassion, potentially one group that's all courage, potentially. And the reality is this: the Bible calls us to both. The Bible does not allow us to pick one or the other. Would you— it's like when you walk into a wedding and you see bride or groom side, you know, every Christian doesn't walk into this issue and go, oh, would you like to be on the compassionate side or the courageous side? There's just one side. It's the compassion and courage side. And here is the reality. We are not compassionate to the world around us if we do not speak the truth. We are not compassionate. But similarly, we are not courageous if we do not, in our compassion, move toward people caught in brokenness and lostness. We are not courageous. Like, it is way easier to fire off a rant in a prayer meeting or whatever than it is to invite that neighbor to our dinner table and work through that mix of courage and compassion it takes to draw them to Christ and appoint them to Christ.

55 · Applies the compassion-courage synthesis to personal life, arguing that living out God's gender design in marriage (especially reconciliation and repentance) is harder than cultural critique but is the primary cultural witness

That's how I think we should relate to the culture. And then last, in our own homes. I think the clear best way to push back on the tide of gender confusion is to hold and live as male and female in God's design in our own personal lives, right? It is— let me just say this— it is easy to post a rant online about gender confusion within our culture, but it is far harder to reconcile with our spouse after a conflict. Like, I would much rather post a rant than try to reconcile, especially if the Bible tells me as a husband, you're to lay your life down for your wife the way Christ laid down his life for the church. That means, man, I better— I got to lead in repentance, and I don't want to do that. I'd rather do the rant. Can I do the rant? No.

56 · Extends the personal application beyond marriage to individual sexual sin, arguing that confessing pornography to a brother or sister is harder than cultural critique but necessary

That's what it means to fight. Similarly, it's easy to criticize our culture in a coffee shop. But it is far harder to confess in that same coffee shop across from that same brother or sister a pattern of pornography that demeans God's design for gender and marriage. It starts with us, it starts with our own personal lives.

57 · Introduces the closing encouragement: the call to see gender truths as beautiful, not just true, setting up the illustrative story

And last closing encouragement is this: we want in all these things, in the church and in the culture and in our own personal families, we want these truths about creation and gender to be not just true, held as not just true, but also held as beautiful.

58 · Personal story of father surprising mother with limousine date, creating a vivid memory of beauty in marriage through extravagant honor

And years ago, I remember, to my recollection, the only time a limo pulled up to our house. We lived in this cul-de-sac with this long circular kind of driveway growing up. And I remember being a kid, looking out the window, and this giant black limousine pulls up to our house. And as a kid, I'm like, whoa, I don't think I'd ever seen a limo up close. And so I'm like, whoa. And I'm sure even the neighborhood is looking in and going, who's over there? Is there a celebrity going to visit the Alcantaras? You know, is there like, what's going on over here? You know, it wasn't a normal occurrence. So the limo comes and I'm sure I think even my mom was momentarily, if I remember right, momentarily taken aback, like, what is going on? Why is there a limo in our driveway? Thinking about knowing my mom, this is not good. What's going on? What do they want? Is this some, you know? And my dad, I don't remember how he did it, but I just remember my dad basically saying in not so many words, "Honey, this is for you. This is for you." And they'd already planned to go on a date, but it was a date date, right? This is, we're going in a limo. And to my knowledge, they got dressed up. My mom is wearing, you know, a dress she doesn't normally wear. And my dad is wearing his best suit. They get in the limo and my dad's holding the door for her. And she's getting, you know, and I remember as a kid watching this, watching them drive off and just thinking, huh.

59 · Interprets the illustration, articulating that the limousine moment revealed marriage and gender as beautiful, not just true, and calls the church to similar preservation of beauty

And I remember it stuck in my mind because here's the reason. And I'm so glad I have that memory because it helped me understand something important, that the truth about marriage and gender is not just true it is also beautiful, right? That there's a beauty to that moment. There's a beauty to my dad honoring my mom in that moment, taking a big swing. You know, I don't know if she was prepared for it. I don't know how much planning he did, but I just remember it's like, this is great. This is great. And I think, brothers and sisters, that's what I think this passage would call us toward. Not just that we hold the truth that we're men and we're women and we're husbands and we're wives, but that it is beautiful and we want to preserve its beauty.

60 · Moves from the earthly marriage illustration to its eschatological fulfillment, showing how human marriage beauty (even imperfect) points to the perfect union of Christ and his bride

Because what this points forward to is something even more true and even more beautiful than any marriage. Look, my parents were wonderful parents, faithful in their marriage, but they were not perfect. You know, I saw them fight and repent and reconcile and just had a front row seat to all that. But there was a beauty in that that pointed forward to another day, a day when the bride of Christ would be reunited with Christ the bridegroom, and he would, having prepared a place for her, come to the bride and say, Bride, this is for you.

61 · Concluding charge that Christians hold marriage and gender as both true and beautiful, offering this witness to a confused world as a pathway to the gospel itself

There is something in that limo moment that is an echo of the future reality of the bride of Christ being reunited with Christ the bridegroom. And we, brothers and sisters, have an opportunity that we not just hold the truth, but that we rejoice over it. That we, if we're If we're married, we love our spouse as a reflection of that day. If we're single, we hold marriage and gender that beautifully and that clearly. That we as a church hold it up and say to a world of gender confusion and brokenness and seeking happiness and life in all the wrong places, that we hold out something true and beautiful the thing that our world needs most, the gospel of Jesus Christ. May we do it. Amen.

62 · Closing prayer interceding specifically for women, men, married couples, estranged couples, and singles, asking God to free each from false identity sources and to establish them in their God-given identity

Let's stand and pray. Lord, I want to— just feeling led to pray in a particular way. Lord, try to be faithful to that, so help me. Lord, I want to pray over our church and I want to pray over the sisters in our church, over the women in our church. Lord, I pray, just really feel a specific burden. I pray that You would free them from cultural and family and life expectations of what it means for them to be a woman. And you speak to them as your daughter. Lord, I pray that they would value the way you have made them and that they would call it not just true, but beautiful. I pray similarly for my brothers, Lord, that we would not define ourselves based on any one of a thousand cultural values in the world, our sales numbers, our degrees, our bench press, Lord, all these foolish things that we as men often compare with one another. Lord, I pray that we would tune out the cultural voices and hear your voice calling us your sons, that we would receive what you have made and call it good. And I pray over our husbands and wives, Lord, I pray that that there would be this beautiful pattern of authority that is somehow also coupled with honoring and glory, that there would be a Christological glimpse of beauty in every marriage. And, Lord, I pray also, Lord, this morning for Your protection over these married couples. Lord, there are so many cultural currents pushing and pulling them in so many ways, so many ways that marriages fracture and break, and we bring our own brokenness into our marriages, Lord. And I pray for your preserving protection over the couples in our church. And Lord, I pray for couples that are estranged, Lord, that you would draw their hearts back together, that you would allow them to come together again, Lord, if that is your will. Lord, I pray for our singles, that you'd preserve them and protect them. I pray that they would not be defined as a man or as a woman by their relationship status, but by the status that they hold as a son or daughter of God. And I pray, Lord, that the word would be a lamp unto our feet and a light into our path, that on these matters, You would guide us, that we would see in you a safe place, a solid place, a sturdy place to stand in a world that is all sinking sand. In Jesus' name, amen.