What Is a Real Man?

6 · Exegesis of Genesis 1-2 identifying three creational mandates for men: work (cultivate), protect (keep), and father (procreate/spiritual fatherhood)

Now we could spend the entire morning on this, but I just want to ground us a bit in what it means creationally to be men. Look at what it says about men. Men are called to work. Notice that call to work it and keep it. The word work there means to cultivate it, to take the raw materials God has given us and make something ambitious and glorious and good with them. And in a world where often men skate by avoiding work or neglecting work, the creational mandate to biblical men is to work hard and to work ambitiously and well. Notice also that the call is for men to be protectors. It says to work it and keep it. Keep it, meaning protect it, to watch over it, to care for something given into your charge. Even the woman is sort of, the imagery is actually that she's brought to the man, and, in a sense, added to that mandate to watch and keep. Now, that is an important virtue in a world in which men often run from fatherhood and avoid it. Rather, biblical men are to embrace it. Now, we know that not every man may be a physical father in their lifetime, but all are called to this, this virtue of fatherhood, of being a spiritual father to others. And here's what's amazing about Genesis one and two. These parts of what it means to be a man are innate and so clear that they're confirmed even outside the Bible. For example, secular anthropologist David Gilmore did a wide ranging study of men across various cultures, and he identified three core traits across, you know, continents and languages and peoples. Three core traits of what it means to be a man in essentially every culture. They are as follows. First, protector, second, provider, third, procreator. Does that sound familiar? Meaning they're meant to defend and protect and keep. They're meant to provide, to create, to work, and they're meant to procreate, meaning to. To be fathers, and especially to be fathers to other young men that will grow up and become men. Do you see how well those line up with Genesis one and two? It is because these are embedded into, in creation, into what it means to be a man. And notice, this has nothing to do with how much you bench, has nothing to do with how good you are woodworking. And it has nothing to do with even some of the stereotypes that we often hold, because those stereotypes will change from color, culture to culture, won't they? Right? But rather, these three things, to work it, to keep it, to be a father. Those are what God's call is.

7 · Pivots from creation to fall and redemption

John Tyson defines manhood this way in his book, a man is an image bearer and son of God, entrusted with power and responsibility to create, cultivate, care, and defend for God's glory and the good of others. That is the call. And yet, sadly, as my dad will show us in just a moment, Adam, who was given this mandate, this call to biblical masculinity, failed in many of the most crucial ways. His work turns to passivity. His protection is abandoned. His family, therefore, is broken. And ever since then, that has been the issue with men. What it means to be a man has been broken by sin. And yet the hope is this. In scripture, the story of the failure of Adam is answered in the second half of scripture with a second Adam. That's what romans five calls Jesus Christ. This second Adam, the man who would, and as Jesus shows us, he would be everything Adam was made to be. But succeed and not fall at it. We see in Jesus life a reversal of Adam's failures as a man. And Jesus does his father's work fully and completely. He protects his people, even unto death. He allows the family of God to flourish under the heavenly Father's watchful and joyful gaze. And so here's what I want us to see. The principles of what it means to be a man may look a little bit different depending on whether you're a big, strong, tall dude or maybe confined to a wheelchair. But the virtues of being a man, grounded creationally, are the calls for every single one of us brothers.

8 · Ricky transitions to his father, introduces him warmly, and receives affirmation

And so with that, I'm going to invite my dad up and he's going to share four particular principles that he has spent, really, his lifetime teaching me. So can we welcome him as he comes? If you see that picture, you'll notice my nice full head of hair. And now you see Ricky without that nice full head of hair. Sorry, he got his mom's jeans and not mine, I guess. But, Ricky, it is a joy and a blessing to be your dad. I'm so, so proud of you.

9 · Ricky's father establishes ethos by sharing his own journey toward intentional fatherhood

So I'm going to be sharing from a book called raising a modern day night. So before Ricky was born, Kim and I, she was trying to get pregnant. She actually got pregnant a couple times, had missed carriages twice. And so if you've gone through that, we understand that it's very hard. It's very difficult. And after the second one, I can remember just thinking and saying to our pastors, what's going on? Are we going to ever have children? And so they just encouraged us to pray, so we just released it to the Lord. And God was kind. And so Ricky was born. And, man, we were so excited. I was so excited. Our family was so excited. I come from a family with five sisters, so to have a son, another young boy who's going to grow up, become a man, become an Alcantar, was a great blessing to our family. But I remember as I was just kind of basking in the joy of being a dad, I was driving around one day and I felt like the Lord spoke to me and just said these words to me. I am entrusting this child to you. Be careful how you give him back to me. And I understood all of a sudden, wow, this is a big responsibility to be a dad, to be a father. And so from that moment on, I just sought God for help. And I try to be very intentional with him as he grew up. I think when he was about seven or eight, took him through a series of books about sex. Because who better to teach your son about sex than a dad? And so when he was seven, eight. So on, we take trips, teach him about sex. And so that's what I did. But when he was 13, I got this book that Kim had seen at a bookstore called raising a modern day night. And so I thought, man, that looks good. So I bought it, I read it, I devoured it, and I just thought, this is what I need to teach my son about being a man.

10 · First principle grounded in Genesis 3: Adam's passivity in the face of the serpent's attack

So here it is. Manhood, principle number one. A real man rejects passivity. Going back to Genesis three one seven, it tells us how the serpent tempted Eve and asking her questions and actually asking her, did God really say that? He said this to her? You will not surely die, for God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be open. When she eats the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and there was a delight to the eyes and that the tree was to be desired, to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. And she also gave some to her husband, who was with her and ate so many times. We can read this and just miss that part. We can just blame Eve, you know, we have sin in the world. Because Eve listened to the serpent. Guess what? Adam was right there. What was he doing? He was just asleep at the wheel. He was doing nothing. He had dominion over the garden. God had told him, this is what I want you to do. And he does absolutely, absolutely nothing. Could you imagine? Adam's just kind of standing there listening to the serpent? Oh, that's really interesting what you're saying, guys. The stage was set. He was supposed to protect Eve. He had given. God had given the first man a will to obey. Don't obey. Don't eat the fruit. A work to do. Cultivate the garden and a woman to love Eve. These are his explicit responsibilities as a man. So you fully expect Adam to come running into the, you know, at the serpent with a garden hoe and, what, cut off his head? Right? That's what he should have done. But confronted with his social, spiritual responsibilities, Adam became, of all things, passive.

11 · The rattlesnake story vividly illustrates active protection

So listen, if you got a rattlesnake in your house or your yard, you gotta take care of it. So 23 years ago, when we moved in our house, we had a pool. And one day I'm coming to the kitchen, and my kids are in there like, daddy, daddy, there's something moving in the pool. Like oh, come on. There's nothing in the pool. Daddy, there's something in the pool. You gotta go look at it. So I thought, okay, all right, stay in here and I'll go look at it. So I go out, look at the pool and guess what's in the pool? A rattlesnake. So matt, I thought, okay, well, I go in the house, I'm looking. I don't have any, I don't have a garden hoe to cut its head off. All I have is a rake. So I tell the kids, I say, call your granddad because he's got a hoe. I'm going to try to kill this snake by drowning it. Just FYI, it does not work. Okay, I had that rake. I'm just holding the snake down for about twelve minutes, hoping, praying this thing is just going to, you know, just go limp. Nope, nope. He's just there. So finally Ricky's granddad comes, he's got the hoe. He says, okay, pick up the snake, put him on the concrete, hold him there. So I do. He gets that hoe and he cuts off that snake's head. That's what you do. That's what you do when there's a snake or evil that comes against your family.

12 · Develops the Adam-Christ typology further

So men have been imitating Adam's example ever since. Have you ever wondered why the Bible constantly calls men to love their wives or encourage husbands? Love your wives. Lay down your life for your wife. Instruct your children responsibly. Leave their homes. The reason is because men without Jesus have a fallen sin. Nature that actually bends away from responsibilities comes with maleness. It comes from Adam. But thank God for the second Adam, Jesus Christ. Unlike the first Adam, who stood for flat footed in the face of evil, Jesus initiated, he refused to do nothing when sin encroached upon the created order. He was spiritually and socially aggressive. In his book, Robert Lewis says this. I would argue that we see more manhood in the manger of Jesus than we do in the garden with Adam. Why? Because in the manger we find Jesus having rejected his divine right as God, initiating toward the world as a man, a real man. And listen for these words from Philippians two five eight that describes Jesus redemptive activity. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped. But what did he do? He emptied himself, taking the form of a bondservant and being made in the likeness of men and being found in the appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. So, brothers, thank God that Jesus emptied himself. Thank God that he humbled himself. Thank God that he was obedient to the father to the point of death, paid the full price for our sins. So if you are in Christ here, your sins are paid for. Number two, a real man accepts responsibility. So, like Adam, Jesus was given three specific responsibilities from his father. Our Lord was entrusted with a will to obey his father's, a work to do, redeem the lost, and a woman to love the church. According to psalm 40, verse seven and eight, Jesus accepted these responsibilities with great enthusiasm. He says this. Then I said, behold, I come in the scroll of the book. It is written of me, I delight to do your will. Oh, my God, your law is within my heart. What an incredible contrast with the first Adam, who rejected God's will, said no to God's work, refused to love God's woman on all three counts. Jesus did the exact opposite. He accepted his responsibilities, and he did so with joy. So what causes a man to assume his social and spiritual responsibilities enthusiastically? If we can assume for the moment a spiritually regenerated heart? I believe sociologist Stephen Clark has a very practical answer. Listen to this. Men assume social responsibility most naturally and effectively when it is clear to them that the primary responsibility for the well being of others rests on them, and that others are relying on them, and that they have been trained from an early age by the men in their lives to recognize and assume responsibility faithfully.

13 · Personal story illustrating principle two

So when I was 18, I graduated from high school, and I started working for my dad, who was a customs broker. So a customs broker is someone who helps goods come across the border from Mexico or other countries in the United States. And so my dad had a business partner. And when he was, when I was 20, my dad's business partner decided to leave, and he was part owner in the company. My dad actually had given him some ownership, so he had to pay him off, and he went into direct competition with my father. So my dad's company was a customs brokerage corporation. So to be a corporation, you had to have two licensed customs brokers. So at that moment, I'm 20 years old, I'm seeing this. I'm seeing what it's doing to my dad and the family. And I thought, what am I supposed to do? So it was my moment of truth. It was my moment where I thought I had plans for college, and I had plans for what I wanted to do for a living. And I thought, no, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to help my dad. And so I went to him and I told him, dad, when I turned 21, because you had to be 21 to take the test to be a broker, I said, I'm going to take that test, and I'm going to pass it. And you're never going to have to worry about having another licensed broker, because I will be your licensed customs broker with you. And so that's what I did.

14 · Story of Ricky's 13th birthday ceremony illustrates intergenerational transmission of manhood principles

So when Ricky turned 13, as he mentioned, which was what, about 40 years ago, Ricky, it was actually only 25 years ago. In the book, raising a modern day night, Robert Lewis encourages what he calls men's ceremonies. And so the first one is when your son's 13 years old, and what you do in this men's ceremony is you lay out these four principles of manhood, so you give them a vision of what it is to be a real man. And so I thought, man, I gotta do that. And so Ricky's two grandfathers were still alive. So I told them about it and invited him to this ceremony. And Tony Walsh was our pastor at that time, and Tom Wilkins was the youth pastor. So I invited them to come. And so we're having this wonderful dinner, just all men at our house. And so I just asked his grandfathers, what was life like when you were 13 years old? So my dad shared first, and my dad, he was originally born in Mexico. His family immigrated to the United States. And so they were very, you know, they were very poor, so everyone in the family had to work. So my dad was working a job at 13 years old. He'd get up at 04:00 in the morning, and he'd go to a dairy, and he would start work at 430 in the morning, and he would clean the glass bottles at the dairy. And he used to joke that he drank the milk straight from the cow, and that's why he was so healthy and never broke a bone in his life, which is true. He never did. And so then we. So we're all just, like, thinking, like, wow, my life is good. His other granddad, his father, actually abandoned the family, and so he had to step up and assume manhood and leadership again at this age of 13. So it was a great time. And so if you're a father here with sons, I really encourage you to do that.

15 · Brief transition into principle three

So, Robert Louis. So a real man. Principle number three, a real man leads courageously.

16 · Principle three unpacked: Adam failed to lead with God's word; Jesus demonstrated courageous leadership by mastering his passions and wielding truth against Satan's temptation

Robert Lewis says Adam relinquishes leadership in the garden when he refused to step forward with God's word and lead his wife. This inaction is precisely what men are doing in our generation, passively yielding to the feelings and emotions of the moment instead of aggressively leading with God's truth. And our homes and our communities are in chaos because of it. Just as Ricky read in those statistics earlier, leadership demands that men have the courage to master their passions and bridle themselves with the principles of truth. That is the model Jesus provides. On many occasions, but most notably during his temptation in the wilderness, he demonstrated the leadership of a real man. So here's Jesus. He's been fasting for 40 days. Has anybody here fasted 40 days? Just checking. Yeah, listen, I fasted once, three days, thought it was going to kill me, but he fasted 40 days. You can imagine he's hungry, he's feeling weak. So Satan takes this opportunity at Jesus weakest physical moment to come and tempt him. And he takes jesus up to a high mountain and he shows him all the kingdoms of the world. And he says this. All these things I will give you if you fall down and worship him. So what does Jesus say? Well, let's talk about it. No, this is what he says. He says, be gone, satan, be gone. He's in control. He's commanding. Be gone is a commanding cry of manly leadership. The Old Testament quotation Jesus then recites from deuteronomy 613 illustrates his embrace of truth.

17 · Quotation crystallizing principle three

Listen to this quote, guys. The courage to lead with truth rather than surrender to feelings always separates the men from the boys.

18 · Story of the father's father (Ricky's grandfather) overcoming prejudice and adversity through courage and perseverance

So as I mentioned, my dad, he was born in Mexico. He immigrated to the United States when he was six years old. He was a family of ten kids. Not one of them knew English, but of course they had to put him in school. He grew up in Burbank, California. And so you can imagine, here he is. He's a little boy. He's in like first grade. Going to school doesn't understand the teachers. The kids are talking to him. They're making fun of him because he is the only mexican in this school. It's like 1918, if you could imagine. They're making fun of him. They're getting in fights with him. He faces a lot of prejudice. One of his teachers in high school tells him, I don't know why you're even in school. All you're going to do is grow up and be a ditch digger. So this is the kind of stuff he faced in sports. He said he had to be twice as good as the other boys because none of the people, none of the coaches or kids wanted a Mexican on their team, but he did it. He overcame. He played football, played baseball, and he was a great model to me.

19 · Introduces principle four: expecting a greater reward

So, manhood, principle number four, a real man expects a greater reward. Manhood is challenging. It can be interpreted as work only another burden to carry, devoid of joy and satisfaction. The first Adam believed this and defected for another glory being offered him. Clearly, many modern men are defecting for the same reason. But biblical manhood was never intended to be burdensome. Instead, real manhood was designed by God to be liberating and a means of great reward. Jesus set this example for us as the truly authentic man. Jesus embraced his responsibilities. He embraced his will to obey. He embraced the work that God had given him. He embraced the church, which is his bride, because he anticipated great reward.

20 · Hebrews 12:1-2 exposition showing Jesus endured the cross "for the joy set before him

In it all, listen to Hebrews twelve, one, two, and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of God. That's our encouragement to us men, Jesus is with us. He's not just saying, well, just tough it out. Suck it up, guys. Hope you make it. No, he, what did he tell his disciples? He said, you know what? It's better for me to go. Why? Because if I go, I will send the Holy Spirit to you. So now he sends us the Holy Spirit. We have the Holy Spirit to strengthen us, to empower us, to help us to do these things. So what kept Jesus in the race? What internal motivation carried jesus to the cross? The anticipation of joy. The anticipation of great reward. Quote, it was the joy set before him that allow jesus to finish strong. Every man needs to have the same perspective if he is to succeed.

21 · Moses example reinforces principle four — he chose suffering with God's people over Egypt's pleasures because he was looking to the reward

Moses was another one that was certainly energized by this principle. In Hebrews 1124, it says this by faith, Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, rather choosing rather to endure ill treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin. Why? For he was looking to the reward. See, guys, this is what helps us. This is what motivates us. We're just passing through this world. We are just passing through. Our citizenship is in heaven. That's our destination. Jesus. So if you think the call to manhood is a call merely to every responsibility and dutiful sacrifice, then you've completely missed the example of the second Adam. Yes, real manhood is at time rigorous. Yes, it demands encourage. Yes, it requires sacrifice. Nevertheless, it is primarily a call to life.

22 · Three scripture texts emphasize the abundance and reward God has prepared for those who love him

Listen to these words that Jesus says in John 1010. I came, that they may have life and might have it abundantly. First Corinthians, two nine. But just as it is written, things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love him, please hear this, guys. All that God has prepared for those who love him, first Timothy four eight. For bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also the life to come.

23 · The father's decision in 2015 to sell his business rather than expand it illustrates principle four

So in 2015, I was approached by some friends who were in the customs brokerage business in California and Arizona. And I had been ordained a pastor in 20 1414, after I'd been a pastor in training for about 30 years. But they wanted to become partners with me. They wanted to buy into my company, become partners with me. And these guys were rockets. I mean, these guys were, you know, super successful AAA guys. And I knew if they became my partners, my company would explain. And so I thought, wow, man, this could be really good. But then I had to stop, and I had to think, and then I had to pray, lord, is this what you want me to do right now in this season of my life? And so I did. I prayed, I thought about it. I talked to my wife Kim about it. And so I talked to Russ Jones, one of the owners, who also was a Christian. I said, you know what, russ? I've been thinking about this, and I've been praying about this, and I think, if you're interested in my company, why don't you just buy it? Just buy the whole business. And I have an opportunity to serve my church as a pastor, something I dreamed about, hoped for so many years, like 30, and here it was. And so that's what we did. I sold the business, and they took it over. And, yeah, I'm still involved with that business as a, like a consultant. And that business has grown about five times as big. So, yeah, they've done really, really well.

24 · Recapitulates the four principles as the answer to the sermon's title question

So what is a real man? From the lives of Adam and Jesus comes the following powerful reply. A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward, God's reward.

25 · Evangelistic appeal directly addressing non-Christians

So you may be here this morning, and you may not know this Jesus that I've been talking about. Jesus is truly heroic. And he says these words in Luke 923 and 24, and he was saying to them all, if anyone wishes to come after me. Let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it. But whoever loses his life for my sake, he is the one who will save it. Jesus Christ is supremely meaningful. He is the way, the truth and the life. And no one comes to the father except through him. So this morning, you can respond. You, your life can be changed. You can be forgiven. If you do not know this Jesus, perhaps you've never acknowledged that you are a sinner and in need of a savior. Today you can surrender your life to the one who paid the penalty for your sins and received forgiveness and salvation.

26 · Transition back to Ricky for closing charges to three groups: fathers, sons, and mothers/sisters

Amen. Well, as we close, I just have a brief charge and encouragement for the fathers in the faith, sons in the faith, and then for our mothers and sisters.

27 · Charge to fathers in the faith emphasizing their critical role in mentoring young men

So for our fathers in the faith, I just want to encourage you, brothers. You do not know how important you are to the men in this room. Even sociologists know how important you are. And you may not know this. One of the things in that large study about masculinity around the world, one of the things that was found is that boys generally had to be ushered into manhood and into what it means to be a man by other men. And that seems to be a key link missing today. According to the researchers, many of the men talked to for the research said that they had troubled relationships with their fathers, or no father figure in their lives at all. And the data bears this out. Since 1960, the percentage of boys living apart from their biological fathers has nearly doubled, from 17% to 32%. So that's about one in every three men now grows up without their biological father. And then of the remaining two out of three men, about half or less would say that they have a good example in the home of what it means to be a man. And that is why, fathers in the faith, that is why you are needed more than ever. Maybe in God's providence, you are not a physical father, but you are called to be a spiritual father in and around the church of Jesus Christ. You see a beautiful example of this in one Timothy one, two. Paul greets Timothy in this letter, and he says to Timothy, my true son in the faith. Right? He has a relationship not with Timothy as a co worker or as an employee, but rather as a father to a son, which I think is absolutely beautiful. So a father's in the faith. Let me just encourage you, man, we need you. If you're like, well, great, I don't know how much I have to contribute. Listen, you have lived life and probably walked with Jesus longer than some of the young men here have been alive. You have things to contribute. Even your own mistakes are things to contribute and help young men with. So my plea is this. Find young men in the church, build relationships with them, care about them, encourage them, and keep doing that until Jesus calls you home. That is my encouragement and my plea for our fathers in the faith.

28 · Charge to sons warning against Internet masculinity gurus offering half-right, half-wrong messages

Second, for the sons in the faith. My charge to you is to listen to the word and listen to your fathers in the faith, not to the world around you. There are so many conflicting messages about what it means to be a man. And actually, in recent years, sort of the Internet communities around manhood have exploded. And you can find all kinds of stuff from all kinds of people about how to relate to women, how to work out, how to get ahead in jobs, how to do this right. And you've got these, like, dudes on tons of steroids telling you about how many people they've slept with and how much money they're making, and you're like, is that masculinity? Is that what we're supposed to do? No. And here's the challenge. Some of the things out there in the Internet world about masculinity are half right, which makes them only more dangerous. So, for example, they may sell you to treat women well and to always open the door for them and to be confident when you ask them out so that you can get what you want from them, right? And you're like, okay, that's half right, but all wrong. Right? And what's the solution? The solution is this. Look to the word and look to the godly men in your life more than you look to the world about what it means to be a man.

29 · Specific instructions for sons: study Jesus as the model, then actively seek out mentors rather than waiting passively for a program

Proverbs two one says this, my son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments, you will understand the fear of the Lord and the knowledge of God. So my charge to you is, one, spend time with the model for what it means to be a man, which is Jesus. Spend time with him. When you're floundering, when you don't know what to do, you have the words of Jesus Christ and the model of his life. Go to the word and then seek out men that you respect and want to learn from. It's funny, every once in a while I'll get asked by maybe a young man or somebody like, hey, man, I'd really like to get matched up with somebody for mentorship and discipleship. And occasionally we'll do some things and try to connect people. But for the most part, my response is this. If somebody's like, hey, man, I really like a mentor. I really like to get matched up. I'm like, awesome, great. There's guys all around, go find somebody. And they're like, well, I was hoping there's kind of a program where I kind of put in an email and you kind of do the hard part of going up and talking to people. For me, I'm like, okay, again, first principle, reject passivity to accept responsibility. You can go up and find your own guy. Like, awesome, awesome. Is there a sign up list or a waiting list I can get on? No. Find somebody that you respect and go say, hey, listen, sir, I would like to learn from you and I will buy your lunch. Do I have to buy the lunch? Yes, you have to buy the lunch, right. That is my call to you, my plea to you. These, they are here among us. Find them in your community group. Find them on your service team. Look for men who love their wives and families. Look for men that have held down a job for a long time. Look for men who look tired when they walk in on Sunday morning and go to them.

30 · Charge to mothers and sisters in two parts

And last. So, mothers and sisters, here's what I want to ask for your help with. Hold the men in your life to a high standard and then encourage them toward it. Hold them to a high standard. Look for the moms in the church. Let me encourage you. Do not raise wimps that you treat like babies until they're 16. Right? They need you to call them forward, give them responsibility and expect them to hold that responsibility. Right. You are more needed than you know, even if you have no children of your own. In romans 16, Paul references one of the moms in the church, saying, she has been a mother to me as well. So here's what I love about that. Even the apostle Paul needed a mom, right? He needed the encouragement and challenge of a mom in his life. So you can be that, whether they're your own children or the, the moms, you're a mom to many in the faith and then sisters. I want to encourage you. Call your brothers to this. Expect this of them. Hold them to a high standards. Look, if you're seeking to find a godly husband, do not date men that act like boys. Have godly standards for what you expect them to do. And here's what I found. When you do, they often will rise to meet those things. Give them that opportunity.

31 · Balances the high standards with the necessity of encouragement

And then moms and sisters, encourage the men in your life. You do not know how powerful your encouragement is. To the men in your life. I still remember after a few years of marriage, or I say a couple years of marriage, I was taken on something difficult in the church world, and I came home tired and kind of feeling beat up. And Jen, my wife, said something that almost brought me to tears, and it was so simple. She just said, ricky, I'm proud of you. This is a hard day. I'm proud of you. And I was, you know, choked up, and I was like, mm, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You know, but it really penetrated my heart because, man, I didn't realize how much I craved that. I longed for that. Your encouragement is life to the sons and brothers in the church. So let me encourage you. Anytime you see someone in your life, a man in your life, taking a tentative step in the right direction, tell them, well done. Right. When your husband leads the worst Bible study in the history of family, Bible studies say, husband, thank you for initiating and trying. We'll get him next time. Thank you. Or when, you know, maybe a son or brother in the faith or a husband gets interviewed for a job and they don't get hired, and they feel beat up, encourage them for trying. Right. When your son asks a young lady out and gets shot down, tell them, good job being clear and respectful. Keep going. Right? That's what they need. They need to hear, I'm proud of you. In those moments, you do not know how valuable your encouragement is.

32 · Closing pastoral word addressing men who fear repeating their fathers' failures

And so with that, let me. I want us to. I'm gonna invite you to stand, and I have a closing encouragement. It's interesting. The Lord gave me one particular one for the first service, but I feel like the Lord is putting a particular encouragement on my heart for the second service. And it's actually related to one of the songs we sang. The first song we sang today was a new song, and I love. I love that side note. I love that on Father's day, John Vogan is like a fourth generation or more musician. Is it four generations of music? Music people in your family? So he, he actually, John wrote the music for the first song, which I think is absolutely killer. So if you're like, oh, that was a nice new song, I wonder where it came from. It came from John. No, it came from four generations of Vogue's also. If it's terrible, it also came from. Yeah, that's true. If you didn't like it, that's fine. If you didn't like it, most of the lyrics are John Milton, and he wrote Paradise Lost, so I don't know what to tell you, but that's. But here's what I want to point out. This is really the impression I felt like the Lord put on my heart for this particular service. So if this is you, this is the Lord putting his finger on something. In verse three, it says, let us therefore hold the thread of all he's done and all he's said. The story told and then retold in my life will now unfold. And here's just the impression I felt like the Lord put on my heart. Particularly for men who do not feel that the story their father told with his life is the one they want to tell, and they fear they may write the same one. Maybe it's the absence of your father. Maybe it was the presence of your father, but not a happy presence of your father. And as you look down into the years of your life, your deep fear is, I do not want to be like that. Here's the good news. You have a better story to live. God, the father desires to write a better story, a new story, a story of the gospel of a sacrificial protecting, laying down his life leader that you can follow and imitate. So if that's for you, let me pray for you today.

33 · Closing prayer specifically for men who fear repeating their fathers' failures, asking God to fix their eyes on the gospel and give them confidence in God's love to write a new story

Heavenly Father. Lord, I pray particularly today for any of those brothers who may have grown up without dads or may have grown up with dads who are not commendable, who fear retelling that story. Lord, I pray that you would draw their eyes to the story of the gospel of a father who loves so much that he sent his son, that whoever believes in him may not perish but have everlasting life. Lord, they've been brought into a new story, a better story. Lord, I pray that as we sing, that you would give them a confidence that they are held by the love of God. And with the love of God, they have the power and ability to write a new story and a better story for the future. I pray that you would empower all of us as sons and brothers and mothers and sisters that we might.