Bring us home here, brother. Goodness. Yeah, Dick and Liz, you ought to be teaching this. What am I doing up here? Oh, it's so good. So our last session, session 4, is called "The Imperishable Beauty and Influence of a Godly Wife." So let's turn back to Ephesians 5, and then we're also going to flip over to 1 Peter. 1 Peter, actually 2 and 3, because I still want you to see— I hope your Bible reading, I hope this will just hit you that whenever you're seeing marriage, it's typically, there's not, it's not going to be far from an expression of who Christ is and the gospel.
So, in Ephesians 5, just a couple of verses here to wives, and there's a little bit of an expounding upon some of these things in 1 Peter 3. So Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands." in everything.
Then in 1 Peter, so the specific marriage instruction is in verse 3, but again, chapter 2 is in front of chapter 3, and it's for a reason, right? So, why don't we start in verse 13 of chapter 2. So, again, you're going to hear some familiar themes from Ephesians. Verse 13, be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. So he said, remember, so there's a mutual submission going on, but also a recognition of unique submission to specific authorities. So here we go. Servants, be subject to your masters. With all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when mindful of God— we've been talking about that, haven't we?— when mindful of God, not so mindful of the wrong, the inadequacies, the insufficiency of others, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.
'For what credit is it if when you sin and are beaten for it you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.' Why is that? Well, verse 21 answers that. 'For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you've been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but now have returned to the shepherd and overseer of your soul.
So act like there's not a chapter break there. Likewise, like who? Like Jesus. Like, that's what, just like Jesus, here we're back to the gospel, who Christ is, who he is to you and how he wants us to express himself, or to express him to the world.
Likewise, wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be merely external, the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you are her children if you do good. And don't fear anything that is frightening.
6 · The pastor prays for the women in the congregation, asking God to help them hear the beauty and hope in the biblical passages on wifely submission and to give them grace to honor marriage in their role as wives
Well, Heavenly Father, for the precious, precious women in this room, God, every husband here would say, "Oh Lord, you have blessed us beyond measure. We don't deserve the gifts that you've given us." as our brides. So, would You give grace to them to hear these things, to hear the beauty of them, to hear the hope in these passages so that they in their role as a wife could honor marriage among all people. We love You and we praise You in Jesus' name. Amen.
7 · The pastor returns to the Genesis creation account to establish God's ideal design for marriage before sin entered the world, arguing that Adam's need for help was not unique but rather establishes a pattern—every husband needs the help of his wife
So in the beginning, right? Back to the beginning. So many times in the New Testament, you know, you'll hear Jesus say, "In the beginning it was not so." You know, Paul points back to in the beginning, in the beginning, let's go back to where there was no sin, there was no defilement. It's a lot easier to define God's ideal plan in a world without sin. So in the beginning, the first husband needed help. And precious ladies, yours needs help too. So it wasn't just Adam that needs help. Your husband needs help. I need help from Jan. The scripture says Adam was alone and it was not good.
8 · The pastor expounds on the Hebrew word for 'alone' in Genesis 2, explaining through word study that Adam's aloneness signified incompleteness requiring the help of another person—illustrated through metaphors of broken bones needing reset and torn nets needing mending—establishing the wife's role as completing what is incomplete in the husband
Alone in that way is not just the condition of being by himself. Ladies, listen to how there's already such honoring going on here, such needing. So it's like we did with our couple here, how He can't do what God's called him to do without her, without her gifting, her calling, her talent, her help. So the word for alone had some varieties of meaning. So it's not just the condition about being by himself. It was also a word that was spoken about, about a broken bone that could not be restored, that could not be reset. There could be no healing unless there was someone else who helped get the bone in place, to get it reset. That's what God has in mind about giving him the gift of a wife. It wasn't good for him to be alone because what's broken in him couldn't be made whole without her. It spoke of a torn fishing net that couldn't function without mending a tear. The net is torn and they cast the net and there's fish out there, but they keep bringing it in, but they're not catching anything. Because there's something wrong. There's something broken that needs mending. And if it's mended, oh, it's going to bring in lots and lots of fish.
9 · The pastor illustrates the necessity of the wife's help through a flannel-graph memory of the Israelite spies carrying giant grapes on a pole between two men, arguing that just as the harvest required two people, marriage is designed by God to require both husband and wife working together to accomplish his purposes
It's trying to shoulder— I don't know if you've— this is going way back to— we used to use flannel graphs. Does anyone even know what a flannel graph is? So we used to use flannel graphs in our Sunday schools and all this kind of stuff to tell the stories. And you'd have flannel Jesuses. And you know, and you put them up on a board and you tell the story. And we have a lady in our church that sometimes does this still with our kids. She's one of our best teachers. The kids sit and you know, and you're going, what? They are listening to her. They don't need all the Hollywood media and all that kind of stuff. But anyway, so I don't know if you remember. You know the story of the spies being sent into the Promised Land and the fruit is gigantic. Remember the story? And so there was pictures on— I distinctly remember a picture of two guys, in this situation it was two guys, and they had a piece of wood over their shoulders and on each side were hanging grapes the size of basketballs, you know? And it took two people, 'cause there's no way we can ever bring the harvest in by ourselves. Well, that's the picture of why it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, because he couldn't bring the harvest in by himself. He could— again, you don't have to be married to lead people to Jesus. Don't have to be married to bring glory to God. But there's a unique role in marriage that God didn't design it to be a one-man show or a one-woman show. They needed both people in order to bring in this harvest for the glory of God.
10 · The pastor expounds on the Hebrew word for 'helper' (ezer), revealing through word study that it carries connotations of dignity, honor, and rescue, and briefly testifying that his wife has rescued him from bad decisions through her discernment
The word also in terms of helper, it's a word for dignity. This is a beautiful word. It's an honorable word. It means to rescue him. There's this word for rescue in it. I don't know about you guys, my wife has saved us from a lot of bad decisions. Sadly, I haven't listened to her in some areas that she's experienced I experienced the bad decision that I decided on. But it means to rescue, especially in the area of discernment.
11 · The pastor illustrates his wife's rescuing discernment through a personal story of a woman requesting counseling with impure motives that Jan discerned but Billy initially missed due to naivety, using this to argue that God intentionally reveals things to wives that husbands don't see and that husbands should prioritize listening to their wives
There was a situation years ago, a woman had requested some counseling, and Jan was getting to know the woman a little bit, and she said, "You know, I think that you— I don't think you should counsel her. Offer that— say that I'll counsel her, that Jan will counsel her, or that you and I will counsel her together, but don't." I don't think you should counsel her. And I said, 'cause you guys, I can be so naive. And you know the, I don't know if they still make 'em, but they used to put like these bobbleheads in the back windows of cars, you know? And so you're driving and you're seeing a puppy. I think that describes my naive life in some ways, 'cause I'm just telling Jan, honey, she just wants counseling. It's okay, we love Jesus. You know, I mean, it's just this naive kind of thing. And she said, "I don't know what it is. I just don't think you should do that." So thankful, I followed her thought. Later on, she'd left the church. Later on, we heard that she didn't want to come see me for counseling. Can you imagine? That just alone was crazy. But that she had intentions that were not pure. And Jan's saying these, we need our wives, they rescue us, they reflect God from a different angle to us. There's things, men, there are things that God intentionally does not show you. That's why he's given you a wife. God loves to show things to you from your wife. If any of us think that, oh, I know it, I know it all, Or, "Well, I know I need to learn from my boss," or, "I need to learn from my continuing education," or, "I need to—" And if you don't recognize your wife should be at the top of the list of people you need to be paying attention to, because God will show them things that you're not seeing, and it's okay that you're not seeing them. It's not some mark against your masculinity. God— this is this gospel according to marriage, complementary relationship between husband and wife.
12 · The pastor tells an extended personal story about ignoring Jan's warnings on a narrow bridge in Mexico, resulting in the van's window being destroyed, to illustrate that wives see what husbands miss and that the wife's calling is to rescue, reflect God's perspective, and remind the husband of what he's not seeing
I've told this story so many times, but Rancho 3M, how many of you have been to Rancho 3M? A good number of you. In the old days before all the new bridges and stuff in terms of border crossings, the old days, it was a bridge from hell. The bridge was from hell. And it was maybe— it looked like it could only fit one car, but you could squeeze two cars past each other there. And so we had brought a team down. Jan and I went back into Faban's to get some groceries and things for the team. We had the church van that was one of those big old school vans, and it had side mirrors that looked like Dumbo the elephant ears. Just these gigantic things. And so I'm praying, we're getting close to the bridge and I'm praying, please God, no cars, please don't let another car be coming, please don't let another car. We get on the bridge and no cars coming, I'm going, haha. So we're driving and oh my goodness, not just a car, it couldn't just be a Volkswagen Beetle, it's a truck and it's got some pretty good side mirrors too. And then such an idiot, I'm speaking to me. Guys, have you ever done this? It's like you're driving and there's kind of this weird situation and you know safety should prevail, but for some reason pride is prevailing. And so I'm going, "I'm not a chicken." So, you know, I would typically slow down to a snail's pace, maybe even stop and let him pass and then I'll keep going. No. So here we go. I'm in the van, he's in the truck. And then I'm going, I'm imagining this, I'm sure, but I'm seeing, I think I see the whites of his eyes. And I'm, look at my eyes, guy, you know? And so here we go, like it's some horse, like the old school, two horses and the, what is that called? Jousting, thank you. And then the thought hits me, oh, I have a side mirror. I'll pull that side mirror in. Yeah, you, you, you truck! I'm gonna win this battle of chicken. So anyway, so here we go. And you know my nickname is Boog. So I'm driving and Jan says, Boog. And she's here. Boog, I got this, honey. Bug! I got this, honey! Bug! And the next— I'm sorry I yelled— but the next thing I hear is this bang! Well, if you remember that bridge, in the middle of the bridge, I guess there was gates that they would close sometimes, so the poles of those gates stuck out a little bit. For a normal driver, you would have no problem. But for Dumbo ear vans. So I'm going, I didn't realize there were two mirrors on the van, not just one. So that mirror hits that pole, drives the metal of the door into, into Jan. We get past it, the door pops back out, and then life went into slow motion. And I'm looking, and the glass of the window, it's like, it was like spider web, right? But it looked like it was slow motion, like, kiko liko, kiko liko, kiko liko, kiko liko, kiko liko, kiko liko. And then it just hung in suspended emanation, animation, like to mock me. And then all the glass falls into Jen's lap. Oh my goodness. And on your hair and in the chicken that we were bringing home and everything. Oh, it was horrible. There's a whole story about that too. So I did not get hurt. So you did not get hurt. Thank God for that. So now I'm going to be Jan, right? So remember, she tried warn— she saw all that coming. I didn't see that angle. It's about listening. Honey, I confessed that already. So, so now, so I, you're in the driver's seat and this is Jan. So she looks now at the windowless, the glassless window. Yeah, and we've got to drive 300 miles back to Midland. And glassless window. She looks at the glass in her lap. She looks forward and then she does this. Because I didn't see everything, and she did. She saw what I needed to see. That's the call of a wife, to remind.
13 · The pastor asserts that the Hebrew word for 'helper' is used of God himself in the Old Testament, establishing that the wife represents God's help just as the husband represents Christ's leadership, and that Christ himself models both sacrificial leadership and submission through his relationship with the Father, making submission beautiful and redemptive rather than demeaning
So rescue, reflect, remind is that word for helper that's just so often— the word for helper, the root of the word is a word God uses in the Old Testament to speak of himself. So, the husband is supposed to imitate Christ. The wife is supposed to represent God and his help to us. It's this complementary, wonderful relationship. And he's also— Christ is also our example, not just of biblical leadership, but of submission as well. Philippians 2 talks about that. It talks about Jesus who, though he was equal to God, did not count equality with God as being something to be selfishly held onto. And I think that's a lot of what's going on in our world is I'm equal, so I should do everything. I get to do everything. I should get all the blessings. It's because we're equal. You know, it's equal rights run amok. Great thing, equal rights, but it's run amok when it's pride-driven, when it's self— the ambition is driving it and all that kind of stuff. Jesus wasn't like that. Totally equal to God the Father, God the Son, Totally equal, but He submits Himself to God the Father. That's why I say submission is the most beautiful word in the New Testament to me, because if Jesus wasn't submitted to the Father, I'd still be dead in my sins. I'd probably be— maybe if I'd be in hell without a remedy. Thank you, Jesus, for being a submitted Savior.
14 · The pastor defines biblical submission as respect-driven submission to another's leadership, motivated not by the leader's worthiness but by mindfulness of God, mindfulness of Christ's saving work, and recognition that Christ modeled submission for the mission of salvation
And so that's really— so the sacrificial aspect of Jesus is for the husbands to imitate, but there's a real imitation for the wife to say that I'm going to— though I'm equal to my husband in worth and dignity and love, I'm going to submit to his leadership. I'm going to respect respect. So I think submission could be defined as respect-driven submission to somebody else's leadership. But it's driven by respect. It's driven by the Word of God. It's being mindful of God. It's being mindful of who Jesus is and what he did to save us. It's being mindful that Jesus did this for the mission of our salvation. And so there's— so Christ is the example really for both husband and wife.
15 · The pastor quotes the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood to define submission as a divine calling to honor and affirm a husband's leadership according to the wife's gifts, clarifying that submission is not absolute surrender but a disposition to yield, motivated by reverence for Christ as ultimate authority rather than by the husband's character
This is a couple of quotes. One's from the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, and it says this: Submission refers to a wife's divine calling to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It's not an absolute surrender of her will. Rather, we speak of disposition to yield to her husband's guidance and her inclination to follow His leadership. Christ is her absolute authority, not the husband. She submits out of reverence for Christ. So, see, that's why we're saying that this is the gospel according to marriage. This is marriage in the light of the gospel. We don't want to think of any of our roles and responsibilities without thinking of Jesus. How did He model this? How did He do this for us?
16 · The pastor quotes John Piper's definition of 'biblically informed submission' as an attitude that delights in the husband's leadership but refuses to follow into sin because Christ is King, clarifying that submission is not agreement but rather following leadership with the confidence that God directs even through the husband's mistakes for the couple's good
John Piper goes further and he puts it this way. He said, "A wife's biblically informed submission," don't you love that? Biblically informed submission. I've heard, ladies, I think you'll really like this. I've heard other people call it intelligent submission, right? You're mindful of the Lord. You have the privilege of imitating Jesus. You have the privilege of showing what the world, showing our children what the joy of being a Christian and what it means to, to follow the Lord with joy and trust and faith because you represent the church as well. So back to the quote, a wife's biblically informed submission brings about an attitude of heart that says— this is just so good— you know, I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I'm glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don't flourish when you're passive, and I have to try to make sure the family works. It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want me to follow you or to not want me to talk with you about it. You know I can't do that. So do you hear that? See, this is biblically informed submission. It's not agreeing with everything. It's not agreement. Jen and I disagree, but she would still follow my leadership mindful of God and that God will direct. Even my mistakes can only be used for our godly good. Not that I should be willy-nilly about that, but isn't that a good safety net for us? She says, you know, or this is, Piper says, you know I can't do that. I have no desire to resist your leadership. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond creatively and joyfully to your lead. But I can't follow you into sin. As much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage, Christ is my King. Isn't that so well said? So well said.
17 · The pastor asserts the sermon's first main point—the beauty of Christ's example—declaring that a wife's submission is modeled after Christ and is not contingent on the husband's qualifications but is motivated by imitation of Christ for God's glory and to position the wife for divine influence under authority
So there's the beauty of Christ's example. This is why we're talking about the imperishable beauty of a godly wife. 1 Peter 3:1, it starts off with saying, likewise, and it points back to Jesus in chapter 2. As the wife follows Christ, her submission was not based on her husband's qualifications or his character or whether he was a good leader or a bad leader. She was simply called to submit in imitation of Christ for the glory of God and for God to use her influence under authority to accomplish his divine purposes.
18 · The pastor transitions from the first main point (Christ's example) to the second main point (Christlike motivation), signaling the structural progression of the sermon and identifying the supporting texts
So then we go further. So the beauty of Christ's example is your example, just like it was for the husband. In his sacrifice. Second point is the beauty of Christlike motivation, and we see that in 1 Peter 2:13-19, 3-4.
19 · The pastor expounds on the motivational structure undergirding 1 Peter's commands on submission, emphasizing that the repeated phrases 'for the Lord's sake' and 'for the sake of conscience toward God' reveal that submission is God-ward rather than human-ward, and that a wife's primary motivation flows from her union with Christ rather than from her husband's character
So here, listen for this, and I hope you, even when we were reading it, I hope this jumped out at you. Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake. Okay? I don't, again, do we, are our minds tuned like that? Are our hearts? Tuned like that. I'm not just hearing the command, I'm hearing it's about the Lord's sake. So often I just focus on the to-do list. It's for the Lord's sake, the one who died for me. For the Lord's sake to every human institution. 1 Peter 2:19, God grants favor or grace to the submitted servant when his or her submission, this is a great phrase, is for the sake of conscience toward God. Toward God. 1 Peter 3:4, "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, which is imperishable, the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." I mean, they're constantly called to look into the beautiful and smiling face of Jesus. As a foreshadowing of her eternal future, it's obvious that this wife is motivated to respect and submit and serve and help more by her marriage to Jesus than her marriage to the husband. And it really— we could say that about— she should be able to say that to the husband too.
20 · The pastor illustrates the concept of Christ-driven motivation through a story of a wife who spoke well of her flawed husband, which prompted an observer to conclude she was 'more married to Jesus' than to her husband, revealing that her primary union with Christ enabled her to honor her earthly husband despite his failures
I actually heard somebody tell a story like that. They were watching this precious Christian wife, and she would talk about her husband, and the guy's going, "I'm not even going to interrupt her, and I'm not going to argue with her." I know her husband. She's talking about these qualities about him that I don't see often. What is the deal? So he was telling this other guy that. And he said, you said she's a Christian, right? And he said, yeah. And he said, that just shows you she's more married to Jesus than she is to her husband. And she's desiring her husband. To know the Jesus that is worth submitting to. Isn't that great? Are you more married to Jesus? Because isn't that salvation?
21 · The pastor applies the preceding illustration by pressing wives to examine whether they are more motivated by their salvation and union with Christ than by their husband's behavior, urging them to feed on gospel truths during difficult seasons of following imperfect leadership
So, that could be a weird way of saying it. It's salvation. Are you more driven by the grace of your salvation, your union with Christ? He's your hope in glory. Christ in us is our hope in glory. Greater is He who is in us is in us than he who is in the world. Are you feeding yourself these truths when it's not the easiest time to follow your husband's leadership?
22 · The pastor asserts that 1 Peter 3:1-2 establishes a second motivation beyond pleasing God—that a wife's submission carries evangelistic and sanctifying influence, functioning as a means of grace by which God works in the husband's life by magnifying Christ's presence through her conduct
Chapter 3:1 and 2 give you an additional motivation that it's not just great in the sight of God, it has influence. It carries spiritual influence. So to be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them are disobedient to the word— boy, what a powerhouse this is. They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. God will use your submission as a means of grace in his working in your husband's life. In a unique way, your submission magnifies and manifests Christ's presence to your husband. It puts him in a position to not only grow in his admiration for you, but also feeling the weight and need for him to pursue you. And glorify God Himself.
23 · The pastor illustrates the evangelistic power of godly submission through Augustine's testimony about his mother Monica, whose faithful submission to her pagan husband caused Augustine to observe his father gradually melt as Monica's life-sermon caused her to step aside and let Jesus confront the husband with his sin
Augustine speaks of that in regard to watching his parents' marriage. Apparently, his dad was a scoundrel, and his mom was the godly woman, the trusting, the Christ-trusting woman. And he said he just watched his mom. She wasn't silent. We'll talk about that in a minute. So gentle and quiet doesn't mean silent. She knew when to speak and she knew when to listen. She knew when to pray. She would not compromise her walk with the Lord because of his commands and all these kind of things. But Augustine said, he said, "It took time," but he said, "I saw my dad gradually melt." Because what was happening was it was like when my mom would follow the Lord, even though Dad wasn't worth following, but she would still follow his instructions, still want to submit to him, still enjoy keeping prayer for him. He said it was like Mom got out of the way and Jesus stepped in. Dad had to deal with Jesus because of Mom's demeanor. This is the way she was winning him. She used words, but her life was I think this is one of the best ways to say it. Somebody once said that a pastor's best sermon should be the pastor's life. I think that could be said for just any vocation or calling. The wife's best sermon is her life. And so as she's doing these things, she's following and obeying the Lord, and it's almost like she just steps aside and Jesus steps in. 'You have sinned.' And now that man has to deal with Jesus. Isn't that what we need? An angry husband or an angry wife's not gonna convince any heart. Raising my voices to my boys, which I did way too often, all I did was put them in the presence of an angry dad rather than usher them into the presence of a holy God. So I think that's what this is talking about.
24 · The pastor articulates the complementary parallel between husband and wife roles in gospel witness, asserting that husbands influence through sacrificial leadership and wives influence through submissive conduct, both displaying different aspects of Christ and the church
In his role of representing Christ's leadership, a husband influences through the godliness of his sacrifices. In her role of representing Christ's church, a wife influences through the godliness of her submission.
25 · The pastor illustrates the trans-generational power of godly submission through Queen Esther, arguing that her submission to the pagan King Xerxes under God's authority saved Israel from annihilation, thereby preserving the messianic line that led to Christ's birth and ultimately to the salvation of all believers
So, wonderful stories to go back and read. If you haven't read Esther recently, great, go back and read it. What a godly influence Queen Esther had on King Xerxes. Thousands of Jews were saved thanks to her powerful position under the authority of her husband. And this was a pagan king, right? And so she's submitting in fear of God to this pagan husband. You know, oh, oh, oh, this thought just hit me. We're sitting here as believers today because Esther Esther followed God's word in submitting to her husband. What do you mean by that, Billy? Well, by Esther submitting to the Lord in submitting to her husband, Israel was saved. You could say, 'cause remember what Xerxes was gonna do? Off with their heads. Every Jew was gonna be killed, wiping out the people that God had ordained to bring the Messiah to the world through. But here's this precious woman trusting God for the sake of conscience toward God, submits to her husband. All the whole thing, you know, go read the story, so I'm not gonna tell you the whole story. But the Jews are saved through that because the Jews were saved through that. On this day in the city of David, a child was born. You talk about the beauty of a godly influence. Talk about transgenerational. And because that Savior was born, you and I are born again. All because of what God did through a godly wife. Oh! Oh! I just want to hug her. I just want to hug her. Oh!
26 · The pastor makes the counterintuitive claim that submission establishes rather than undermines a wife's authority in the home, warning that attempts to seize leadership cut off her strength, and pressing wives to examine whether they are God-conscious or husband-conscious in their submission since husband-consciousness breeds excuses for disobedience
So when a— this is another little phrase. When a wife submits to her husband as unto the Lord, she's not destroying or subverting her authority in the home. She's establishing it. When a woman tries to undermine her husband's position in order to become the boss of the family— you ever hear— I don't know if kids say that anymore. My sister and I used to say, "Who made you the boss of me?" Right? In order to become the boss of the family, she's cutting off her own strength and weakening her position in the Lord— or in the home. So, are you God— ladies, are you God-conscious in respect, in your respect of and your submission to your husband, or are you more husband-conscious? The more husband-conscious you are, the more excuses you're going to find ultimately to disobey the Lord. Instead of obeying the Lord, sometimes it's counterintuitive, God's going to actually work a change through your obedient heart to him.
27 · The pastor expounds on 'weaker vessel' in 1 Peter 3:7, arguing that it refers not primarily to physical weakness but to the voluntary weakness a wife assumes by placing herself under her husband's leadership in obedience to God, which should move husbands to reverence rather than exploitation, and that weakness in God's economy becomes a position of strength
So respect, help, submission are used by God to motivate husbands to loving leadership. And that's why he says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel." So let me talk about that real quick. That's been a debated verse, and some people say, "Well, that's just because men and women are made differently. Men are typically stronger physically than a woman." I don't think I don't think that that's all it's saying. I think it's saying, guys, this should make us tremble in our shoes and our boots. Our wives are equal to us. Their salvation is just as real in them as it is to us. The reason if they're weaker, it's because they're following the Lord, and it's because out of obedience to God, they have put themselves under our leadership. I told you, Jan is the smartest in our family, but out of obedience to the Lord, she puts herself under. She makes herself weaker. You know, does that make sense? And we ought to cherish that. I mean, this precious, capable, competent woman follows my leadership? Yeah. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, right? And so that's where that's coming from there. And the other thing I think it's also that I think sometimes we're living in a world that despises weakness. Oh, there's weakness, you're canceled. Oh, weakness, you're canceled. What do you do? I had a problem with my elbow. A month ago, and oh, it was hurting. So what did I do? Did I say, "Off with you! I despise weakness in my body. So Doc, you wanna cut this off?" No, I nurtured and cherished. I went to seek help to get the weakness healed. So that's what this complementary relationship is, but also when we place ourselves in the position of weakness in ourselves, oh, it's amazing the strength that comes from the Lord to do it.
28 · The pastor transitions to the third major theme—imperishable beauty—by referencing 1 Peter 3's contrast between external and internal adornment, and signals that he will close with an extended quotation on the meaning of a gentle and quiet spirit
The Scripture goes on to say the beauty is imperishable, so don't let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or clothing you wear. Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That's precious in God's sight. This is, you know, this is sort of a, Yeah, I really want to get— it's a long quote, but I want to get this in before we stop.
29 · The pastor contrasts worldly responses to marital conflict (fight, flirt, fit) with biblical teaching on inner adornment, then quotes Scott Hubbard at length to define a 'gentle and quiet spirit' as a heart at peace with God that operates from spiritual strength and repose, deciding when to speak and when to remain silent, and trusting that quietness is itself a weapon against the kingdom of darkness
The Bible is an amazing book, and it's so diagnosis— diagnosis as humanity. How does the world respond when there's conflict in a marriage? The wife's not getting what she wants, the husband's not getting what she wants, and you could put it under the categories of 3 Fs. One is they fight to try to get what they want, right? If fighting is not accomplishing what they want, sadly— this happens to so many couples— "I'm not getting what I want from home." It's amazing how more open I am to what I can get in the world. So if I'm not getting what I want by fighting, maybe I'll get what I want by flirting. And then, in this whole thing of flirting, There's this whole thing about getting fit. Do you notice what it's saying here? Wives, be careful with your words. Let your gentle and quiet spirit make much of Jesus in the home. You know, don't just let your adorning be external merely of all this kind of stuff. I mean, so that whole fit thing, you know, I just— the culture we're living in, I hear this phrase increasingly, oh, she's got her revenge body. What? Did you ever think of giving, making all that effort for your marriage? You're going to go out and get a revenge body. But isn't the Bible diagnose that? You know, 1 Peter 3 is essentially saying, "Let's don't be like the world." I love this. This was just put out this week in Desiring God. This is by Scott Hubbard. Long quote, but I think you'll be blessed by it. We might describe quietness then as the atmosphere of a heart at peace with God and its place in the world, in his world. Calm and well-ordered, a quiet woman hopes in God and knows herself cared for by him. And then from that place of spiritual strength and repose, she decides when to remain silent and when to speak. Quietness does not mean standing on the sidelines of life, walking through the world without making a whisper of difference. It means rather refusing to believe that the noise of self-assertion is the best way to get God's work done. It means trusting that a quiet life under God is itself a weapon, a danger, a threat to the kingdom of darkness, ever blaring with the uproar of sin. When we hear quietness, we ought to imagine not the absence of speech, but the presence of calm and peace, of fearless hope and endless beauty. And we ought to dress quietness in the brightest, most wonderful colors we have. For though hidden from our sight, the heart of a quiet woman holds the attention of heaven. Oh, don't you love that? Oh, you gotta love that.
30 · The pastor transitions to the next theme by noting that the Hubbard quote already illustrated the beauty of hope in God, signaling a shift to Sarah as the biblical example
The beauty of hope in God, that's pretty self-evident. She's put her hope in the Lord. That Scott Hubbard's quote just even modeled that.
31 · The pastor expounds on Sarah as an example of hoping in God despite Abraham's failures, recounting Abraham's cowardice in twice claiming Sarah was his sister, subjecting her to kings' harems, and drawing a parallel to Adam's passivity with Eve, warning husbands that they sometimes fail to protect their wives from satanic temptation while wives are called to maintain hope in God regardless
Sarah was a great example of putting your hope in God. You know, Abraham was not a great husband. If you haven't read it lately, but you gotta remember, so at that time, there's persecution is rampant. Husbands were so tempted to compromise or abandon their faith to avoid conflict, and they made decisions in their family that the wives would not agree with, but so often had to be subject to. And Sarah faced those experiences with Abraham, afraid of persecution. Remember, he was afraid that he would die. His wife was— I said this about Jan— I guess Sarah was a fox. Right? And so she's being noticed by the king, and to the king's knowledge, she's not a married woman. And Abraham just affirms that, "Yeah, she's a sister. She's a sister." And he subjects his wife. It's so much like Adam. Satan is talking to Eve, and Adam just sits there and does nothing. I think, guys, we do that sometimes today. I think our wives are tempted by just who knows how many things in the media, and sometimes from extended family, and there are just so many things, information overload, and most of it's not good. How many times it's Satan trying to tempt the wife to find your hope in something or someone else, not in God. And we don't do anything. Well, Abraham didn't do anything. He did the wrong thing, and Sarah never compromised. Her hope was always in the Lord.
32 · The pastor expounds on the significance of Sarai's name change to Sarah, noting that Sarai means 'contentious' while Sarah means 'princess of the Lord,' possibly suggesting salvation transformed her character, then testifying that his own wife Jan retained her 'feisty' personality after salvation but now channels it godly through union with Christ
She went from showing— well, I don't know what to think of this. One commentator said this, before the covenant with God was made, her name, remember that her name got changed? She was S-A-R-A-I, Sarai. The word means contentious. I don't know, does that mean that she was a contentious woman before, before the covenant was made with her? Maybe. Sarah, S-A-R-A-H, means princess of the Lord, princess of the king. It'd be nice to think that that's what salvation does, doesn't it? Listen, I mean, Jan's feisty. She's feisty. And she's got 5 brothers. She's one daughter with 5 brothers. I know those brothers. I love my brothers-in-law. Maybe I shouldn't say anything because nowadays things get broadcast over the world. They're getting old. Yeah, I can run faster than them. Yeah, I can. I love these guys, but none of them know Jesus yet, guys. None of them know Jesus yet. And they were rough. They were a rough group. And I think you just had to survive, you know. So she's a— Jan is a feisty, feisty girl. And then Jesus saves her. And he preserves in you all the great things about you being feisty. Sometimes I think we just think we read the Bible and we just go, "Gosh, I don't think I can be like that," until you remember that when Jesus saves you, he becomes one with you. He joins his life to your life. You're in union with the living God through the person and work of the Holy Spirit. That's how you can be like this. That's how I can be like this.
33 · The pastor transitions to the final point on fearless faith by citing 1 Peter 3:6, which calls women to become Sarah's daughters by doing right without fear
So the last part is the beauty of fearless faith, and it's 1 Peter 3:6, and it says this, "And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."
34 · The pastor addresses common fears wives express about submission being exploited or misinterpreted, applying 1 Peter 3:6's call to fearlessness by urging wives to root their hope in God rather than their husbands, to fight the temptation to withhold encouragement as leverage for change, and to trust that encouragement increases faith for growth while withholding it drives husbands deeper into darkness
And I think from what, you know, over the years have done this marriage seminar, I do get some fairly consistent feedback from wives that said that they're just afraid that if they do these things, the husband is gonna take more advantage of them. And it's possible that that could happen. But this passage says, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Because your hope is not in your husband in the first place. It's in the faithfulness and wisdom and love and power and purposes of God. Fearing the circumstances surrounding your marriages, fearing failure, fearing that your respect and submission for your husband won't work or be taken advantage of, they're all temptations that have to be fought. Or fear that if you respect your husband, he's gonna interpret it as though there's no need for him to continue to grow in his life. I've heard that a lot, that I, You know, is your husband just evil all the time? No, no, almost. No, he's not evil all the time. Don't you think it would be helpful if you encouraged him in the areas where you see God's grace working in his life? Because no one ever grows from a lack of encouragement. No one ever grows. So it's just this thing that says, I'm gonna withhold. So like people talk about withholding sex. I think here's what we do way more often. I'm gonna withhold encouragement. He'll change then. Does that, has that helped you grow? Or does that send you even deeper sometimes into your darkness? To never know that God's at work in your life at all? But the argument has been, "Yeah, but Pastor Billy, he's got all these other issues." I know, I know. "But if I encourage him, he's going to think that he doesn't have to pay attention to those other issues." Not if your hope is in God. Keep doing the right thing. Encourage him in the fact that God is working in these areas. And you know what that does? You mean really? You're seeing something godly about me? Oh, that is so exciting. You know what that does? It builds my faith to address the stuff I don't do well or I'm sinning in. But if I'm never being fed things that increase my faith, then is it any wonder that I resist change in other places, right? So that's the way it closes to the wife. Don't be afraid. Remember, the goal of your submission is the fulfillment of Christ's mission for marriage, and Christ's mission is unstoppable. That's why you don't need to be afraid. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I'm with you. Do not be dismayed, for I'm your God." I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
35 · The pastor closes with a prayer asking God to inscribe the weekend's teaching on hearts, to fill listeners with the Holy Spirit for obedience, and to give them an eternal vision of seeing God face to face and witnessing their spouses rewarded by grace
Heavenly Father, how we love you. Oh, there's just so many things to talk about, and there's never enough time. Please, God, would you— would you write on our hearts the things you want us to remember from your word, from this weekend? God, would you give us— would you fill us with your Holy Spirit that we could have the strength and power to obey You. And would You give us a vision for eternity and the beauty that is awaiting us to see You face to face and to see our spouse rewarded by grace for all that You want to give them for the person You made them to be. And for the little part we got to play in it. In Jesus' name, amen.
36 · A moderator transitions the meeting from the formal sermon to a Q&A session, bringing Jan to the platform by popular demand to join Billy in answering rapid-fire questions from the audience
Amen. Hey, Billy, can we do just a few rapid-fire questions? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jan, do it with your— Okay, we're going to do a rapid-fire Q&A. And Jan, Billy would love for you to come up. With him. By popular demand, Jan— we've seen several requests for Jan to come back up and do something. So I think everybody likes that you're feisty, Jan, as Billy says. I love it. Okay, so we're gonna do— I'm gonna pick specifically— there are some really good big questions people submitted that we probably cannot answer, like, in a minute. So if you've got like a— if your question, if you submitted a question that had like several questions in it, come talk to Billy and Jan after the meeting. We'll stay as long as anybody wants to talk. They'd be happy to do this. But just a few more rapid-fire here. Actually, I'm going to move this out of the way so people can actually see you from over there. Sorry. A few rapid-fire questions.
37 · The pastor begins answering a practical question about joint vs
First one is really practical. From last night, "Should a couple have a joint bank account or is it okay if they have separate bank accounts?" Oh, great, great question. So, Jan does the bookkeeping for us. Well, actually, you're better at it. That's what I'm trying to say. So, again, if I had my gospel glasses, I'd put on my gospel glasses and say, "Guys, this is the lens we see everything." So, this is a great thing to talk about bank account. Guys, this includes the marriage bed. You know, there's this thing about sacrificing yourself for the joy. I love Piper talks about that. Are you seeking your joy in the joy of your spouse? Well, that's a great way to live, isn't it? So, covenant would inform that answer in terms of two bank accounts. Accounts. Now, again, I don't know you, so I don't know, you know, so if there's two bank accounts because you're an entrepreneur, you have a family business, there's needs to be separating, you know, and not