How Can I Avoid Tragedy with Relationships, God, and Money?

Ecclesiastes 4-6 August 2, 2026 Pastor Ricky Alcantar
Thesis The only path to a happy life is life oriented vertically toward God in appropriate fear and horizontally outward toward neighbor, rather than bent inward on itself in envy, isolation, religious pretense, or material pursuit.
Series
—
Type
Expository
Tone
pastoralpropheticdidactic
Method
grammatical-historicalredemptive-historicalcanonical
What's in this sermon

The shape of the argument

37 units across exposition, application, illustration, theological claim, and conclusion. The pastor's argument is built from these moving parts.

Pastoral correction · unit #10
"The pastor applies the arrogance pattern to common pastoral scenarios where people are open to counsel during crisis but close off once stability returns, using specific examples of dating and addiction relapse. The application shows how arrogance manifests in declaring autonomy against wise counsel and connects this back to the sermon's thesis about self-focus."
Doctrinal loci· 12 surfaced
Hamartiology · 11 Anthropology · 9 Ethics / Moral Theology · 7 Theology Proper · 7 Sanctification · 6 Christology · 5 Doxology / Worship · 5 Pastoral Theology · 4 Ecclesiology · 3 Soteriology · 3 Bibliology · 2 Eschatology · 1
Bible citations· 23
Ecclesiastes 5:1 | Ecclesiastes 5:7 | Ecclesiastes 6:10 | Ecclesiastes 4:1 | Ecclesiastes 4:4 | Exodus 20:17 | Ecclesiastes 4:7-8 | Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 | Ecclesiastes 4:13-16 | Mark 12:30-31 | Ecclesiastes 5:2-5 | Ecclesiastes 5:6-7 | Mark 12:29-30 | Ecclesiastes 5:10-12 | 1 Timothy 6:10 | Ecclesiastes 5:13-16 | Ecclesiastes 6:1-6 | Ecclesiastes 6:7-9 | Matthew 6:24 | 2 Corinthians 5:21
Illustrations· 5
  1. historical example · unit #5 — Contemporary illustration of a social justice organization leader embezzling funds to purchase luxury homes, used to demonstrate that envy operates identically in both spectacular public scandals and ordinary private moments of commercial desire. The point is universality—the same mechanism is at work.
  2. personal story · unit #17 — Illustrates chattering religion through a marriage counseling scenario where counselees want endless discussion rather than action, demonstrating how many words can function as a mask to avoid substantive obedience.
  3. historical example · unit #25 — Historical illustration of Rockefeller's famous 'my next million' response proving that even possessing more wealth than almost anyone in America does not satisfy the money-focused heart. The illustration demonstrates that the problem is not the amount but the orientation.
  4. personal story · unit #29 — Personal story from a California marina illustrating Ecclesiastes 6's tragedy of unenjoyed possessions through the absurdity of owning an elaborate 'Disneyland-level' boat that is never used, only maintained and criticized. The illustration makes the abstract text concrete and memorable.
  5. cultural reference · unit #31 — Illustrates the futility of experience-chasing through the common pattern of 'trip of a lifetime' never actually being the last trip needed. The illustration demonstrates the perpetually receding nature of satisfaction through experience accumulation.
Theological claims· 9
  1. All paths to unhappiness share a common root—life bent inward on itself—while the single path to happiness is life oriented vertically toward God in appropriate fear and reverence. unit #2
  2. Nearly always, isolation over time is a choice rather than an accident, resulting from warping back in on yourself rather than reaching outward toward others. unit #8
  3. The only path to happiness in relationships is Godward and outward—loving God first, then loving neighbor in light of that love—rather than the self-focused path our culture assumes will make us happy. unit #12
  4. We would be foolish to discard holy reverence for God along with the fulfilled Old Testament rituals, because cavalier religion with closed ears and casual steps is a path to profound unhappiness. unit #15
  5. The path to a happy Christian life is moving away from self-focused religious practice and living an upward and outward Christian life grounded in whole-hearted love for God. unit #21
  6. A happy Christian life results from being so God-focused that you forget yourself—a paradox where you find your needs met precisely by not making yourself the primary focus. unit #22
  7. Wealth itself is not evil, but it brings a host of practical problems including fear of loss and sleepless anxiety that the simpler laborer does not face. unit #26
  8. Jesus offers freedom from the cage of money and experience-chasing not by stopping our fun but by redirecting us to find our life in God, which alone truly satisfies. unit #32
  9. Jesus does what the preacher of Ecclesiastes cannot—He trades His wise life for our foolish one, offering His righteousness in exchange for all our warped, inward-bent failures. unit #34
Quotations· 2
"Happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." — Tolstoy (unit #1)
"the freedom of self-forgetfulness" — Keller (unit #22)
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Full transcript

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0 · The pastor frames the sermon by naming the core problem Ecclesiastes addresses: Christians hearing the book's wisdom but failing to apply it in the rhythms of ordinary life

Amen. Good morning. I wanna invite you to turn in your Bibles to Ecclesiastes chapter 4, if you would. And as you turn there, I'm gonna let you know about a handout you'll get on the way out today, because one of the challenges with Ecclesiastes is that it has a lot of good sort of stop signs and speed bumps for us to rethink life. But as we prepare to go back, as kids are going back to school, as we kind of get settled in for the fall season, one of the challenges is that we'd hear everything from Ecclesiastes and then just kind of go back to living the way we were. And I don't think that's what God's Word wants us to do. It wants us— Ecclesiastes is built to get us to rethink our lives, to think about what really matters at the end of life, to think about what really matters today. And so to do that, we're going back to sort of an ancient way of phrasing this, because the early church talked about the rule of faith, and some like Augustine talked about the rule of life. The rule of faith is being thought— thoughtful and intentional about what you believe. And so that's where we find things like the Apostles' Creed come out of that. But the rule of life, really think about it as a ruler in Augustine's terminology. The rule of life is like, this is the pattern of my life. If I do nothing else, this is the way I'm gonna live. Whenever things change, I go back to this pattern. And it helps us think through what do we want our relationship with God to look like? What is one thing I could do each day to grow in relationship with God? Thinking about family, thinking about neighboring, thinking about all of life lived backwards in the words of Ecclesiastes. And so you'll get a little card. It'll fit in your Bible or in your Daytimer or whatever. And— or you can put it on your desk. And I don't want you to put more than one thing, maybe 2, in each area that you think, this is important to me. This is what it looks like for me to apply Ecclesiastes. Maybe for you it's letting go of some things that you're holding onto really tight. Maybe for you it is pausing to enjoy the good gifts of God. Whatever it is, you will get a little card at the end and I want you to take that. We also have a full article on our sort of blog website that you can read for more information. But I want to encourage you not to let Ecclesiastes simply be sort of heard and then put aside, but let's apply it as we work it into our lives.

1 · The pastor reads the key verses from Ecclesiastes 5 that will serve as the theological spine of the sermon, then uses Tolstoy's famous opening line from Anna Karenina as an analogy for Ecclesiastes' structure: the book catalogs countless ways to be unhappy but points to a single way to be happy

All right, now Ecclesiastes chapter 4. I'm gonna warn you up front, we're gonna do a large section of Ecclesiastes because I wanna use 3 sections of Ecclesiastes to emphasize a particular important guiding principle, which we're gonna see as we open to Ecclesiastes 5. We're gonna look at verses 1 and verses 7, verse 1 and verse 7 of chapter 5. This is the thread that we're going to emphasize this morning, and as we read, let's remember this is God's Word. Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice fools, for they do not know, they do not know that they are doing evil. Verse 7, for when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity, but God is is the one you must fear. This is God's Word. And Lord, I pray your blessing over the preaching and the hearing of your Word today in your house. Amen. Well, I love opening lines in classic literature, and one of my favorite opening lines comes from the Russian novel Anna Karenina. And even if you've never read the novel, you may have heard this line or something like it. It opens this way: Happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. But isn't that great? It's just like Tolstoy, just like, boom, I'm going to see— he's not even going to wait, make you wait for 3 chapters in to give you a banger line. He just starts there. And I think it's an observation that we could make from the book of Ecclesiastes because Here's what Ecclesiastes does. Ecclesiastes, for chapter after chapter, is laying out, here's another way to be unhappy. And you're like, what about this way? And the preacher who has surveyed all of human experience and has this vantage point to look at human life goes, yep, unhappiness down there. What about this one? Unhappiness. What about this? Unhappy. He just keeps going, unhappy, unhappy, unhappy. Nope, nope, nope, nope. And yet there is also this, this thread in the book of Ecclesiastes of the one way to live a happy life. And, and what I want you to do is, is see today, we're going to apply this to 3 areas, to neighboring, to religious practice, and to money. But I want to lay out for you very clearly up front, this is, this is the only way to be happy and everything else is how to be profoundly unhappy.

2 · This unit establishes the sermon's central theological dichotomy: all unhappiness flows from a common source—life bent inward on itself—while happiness is found only in life oriented vertically toward God

What we're going to see is this: to be profoundly unhappy has a common thread in Ecclesiastes, and it is life bent inward on itself. Meaning that your life begins and ends with you, and in a sense you bend inward onto yourself. And basically what Ecclesiastes is saying is kind of like Tolstoy. Yep, there's a million ways to bend in on yourself and become unhappy. Money, you know, chasing sexual pleasure, trying to accumulate things, trying to be the smartest in the room, trying to get degrees, all of those ways. Yeah, I've seen them all. They all bend back into unhappiness. But there is one way to be a happy Christian, to be a happy, in a sense, human being. And it's laid out very clearly in verses 1 and 7 and 10. Look at verse 1 again. Guard your steps when you go, to the house of God. So this, this book that's been very vertically oriented all of a sudden reorients vertically for a second. And look at verse 7, when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity, but God is the one you must fear. So, so you're thinking, what about me? What about myself? What about my stuff? All of a sudden it reorients you to go, what about God? And verse 10 is also critical here. It says, whatever has come to be has already been named, and it is known what man is, and that he is not able to dispute with one stronger than he. What's Ecclesiastes doing? The preacher is saying, listen, you're living your life in light of all of these realities of money and pleasure and what's moving and shaking in the world around you, but you are missing the reality, which is that you have a Creator that stands over and above all things, and your life is meant to be lived vertically in the appropriate fear and reverence of God.

3 · Signals the structural shift from theological foundation to three-part application, introducing the first area (neighboring) and the metaphor of 'tragic scripts' that people follow unthinkingly

So with that as a foundation, we're going to walk through 3 areas of life and we're going to go, here's some ways to be unhappy, and then hopefully end with, here is the one way to seek happiness truly in this area. So first area is this tragic neighboring. I'm calling it scripts because imagine it like a script where you get handed and you just start reading lines, right? These are all scripts that the people around us read and pursue, and yet they all end in tragedy.

4 · The pastor expounds Ecclesiastes 4:1-4, demonstrating how the text first appears to diagnose oppression by the powerful but then pivots to expose envy as the universal human problem that drives both oppression and our ordinary discontentment

So, look at the area of neighboring. Ecclesiastes 4:1, again, I saw all the oppressions that are done under the sun. And behold the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them. On the side of their oppressors there was power, and there was no one to comfort Them. And so you think, okay, finally, I know Ecclesiastes finally has got the problem. The problem is the people up there at the top of these things, the top of these companies, the top of these governments. The problem is people with money and wealth. And we're about to go like, yes, we got to topple the rich and powerful. That's the point, right? Except the preacher, right as we're getting ready to like topple the people above us, holds up a mirror and says this, then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbor, and this is vanity and a striving after wind. Basically what the preacher is saying is, you wanna know a whole host of ways to be unhappy? The common denominator is envy. Envy, this endless craving in your heart for what others have. If you have power, It often leads to using that power to oppress people, to take what they have. But listen, the fact that, that all of us deal with this is very apparent, isn't it? If we were to look at all of our— I remember going through an evangelism exercise one time where somebody was like convinced that they had never broken any of the 10 Commandments. But the one that got them was do not envy your neighbor or your neighbor's wife or your neighbor's possessions. And so finally, you know, he was like, well, maybe that one. Okay, maybe, you know. It's like, no, no, no. We all have, right? We've all envied watching television, or driving by our neighbors seeing their new SUV or whatever. We've all envied those things. We walk in during football season and we think, that screen is way bigger than mine, right? We've all been there. But the writer of Ecclesiastes is saying, listen, that envy, once it's fed, it only grows and grows and grows.

5 · Contemporary illustration of a social justice organization leader embezzling funds to purchase luxury homes, used to demonstrate that envy operates identically in both spectacular public scandals and ordinary private moments of commercial desire

And we would be fools to think, well, we wouldn't do that. I remember a number of years ago, one of the— there was an organization founded in the wake of a tragic death, and the organization was aiming to raise money for racial and economic justice. That was their purported mission statement. And they quickly raised upwards of $90 million, but the whole organization was thrown into scandal when it was revealed that one of the founders was using the money they had raised on things like multimillion-dollar homes, right? And you're thinking, how could they? I'll tell you how they could. For the same reason you and I watch a commercial and just wish we could have it. It's envy, right? That's, that's the path of unhappiness, right?

Where this fits

Recent preaching context

The three sermons immediately preceding this one in the preaching schedule.

Jun 21, 2026
To avoid wasting your life, you must avoid distraction from the gospel, embrace discomfort for Christ's kingdom over personal comfort, and devote yourself fully to good works that advance and adorn the gospel.
Titus 3:8-15
Jul 5, 2026
Life feels pointless when we grasp at fleeting things under the sun, but when we submit to God's sovereignty and align ourselves with His eternal purposes, we discover true meaning and are freed to enjoy His gifts.
Ecclesiastes 1
Jul 26, 2026
Acknowledging the reality of death frees us to release what is passing and embrace both the daily gifts of this fleeting life and the imperishable life secured by Christ's defeat of death.
Ecclesiastes 9:1-10
August 2 · This sermon
How Can I Avoid Tragedy with Relationships, God, and Money?
The only path to a happy life is life oriented vertically toward God in appropriate fear and horizontally outward toward neighbor, rather than bent inward on itself in envy, isolation, religious pretense, or material pursuit.
Ecclesiastes 4-6
Take it further

Discuss · apply

Small-group discussion

6 questions for your group this week

  1. In Ecclesiastes 4:1-8, the Preacher observes three different forms of unhappiness: oppression and isolation, envy, and meaningless toil. Which of these three resonates most with what you're seeing in the lives of people around you right now—in your neighborhood, workplace, or family?
    Ecclesiastes 4:1-8
    → What do you think all three of these have in common, according to the sermon?
  2. The sermon claims that 'nearly always, isolation over time is a choice rather than an accident.' Do you agree or disagree with that claim, and what would you point to as evidence?
    Ecclesiastes 4:7-12
    → If isolation is often a choice, what choice do you think people are actually making—what are they choosing instead of community?
  3. According to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and the sermon's teaching, what does the Preacher say is the antidote to isolation and meaninglessness in relationships?
    Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
    → Why do you think 'two are better than one' specifically addresses the unhappiness the sermon has been naming?
  4. The sermon contrasts 'empty religious ritual' with genuine fear of God and reverence for Him. How would you describe the difference between going through the motions in your faith and actually approaching God with reverence and openness to His voice?
    Ecclesiastes 5:1-7
    → Where do you find yourself tempted to choose the motions over the substance—and what would it look like to shift?
  5. In Ecclesiastes 5:10-16, the Preacher observes that wealth brings sleeplessness, anxiety, and fear of loss in ways that simpler labor does not. How have you seen that play out in real life—either in your own experience or someone else's?
    Ecclesiastes 5:10-16
    → If the problem isn't money itself but what money does to our hearts and our focus, what would it mean to handle money in a way that keeps you oriented toward God rather than toward security in wealth?
  6. The sermon's core claim is that all unhappiness shares a common root: 'life bent inward on itself.' Jesus, by contrast, offers us freedom to live 'so God-focused that you forget yourself.' What would it look like this week to make one choice—in a relationship, in your finances, or in your faith—that orients you upward toward God and outward toward neighbor rather than inward?
    Mark 12:29-31
Daily readings · Monday–Friday

5-day reading plan

This week, we walk through the path to happiness by examining three areas where life bent inward on itself leads to tragedy—relationships, religious practice, and money—and discover that only a life oriented vertically toward God and horizontally toward neighbor brings true satisfaction.

Monday Mark 12:29-30

Jesus names the foundation: love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. The sermon exposed how our culture bends life inward—toward envy, isolation, arrogance, empty ritual, money—but here is the vertical anchor that resets everything. When we orient ourselves upward toward God first, all other loves find their proper place and weight.

Tuesday Mark 12:30-31

Notice the order Jesus establishes: love God then love neighbor as yourself. The sermon showed how isolation and envy poison relationships when we make ourselves the center. But when God is first, neighbor-love becomes possible—not as duty, but as the natural overflow of a heart already satisfied in God. This is the horizontal movement the sermon called us toward.

Wednesday Exodus 20:17

Coveting—wanting what your neighbor has—is the inward warp that kills community. The sermon showed how envy isolates us, how we compare and withdraw rather than celebrate or help. God's law forbids this not to restrict joy but to protect it: envy poisons the well of human connection. Freedom from coveting is freedom to genuinely see and love the person next to you.

Thursday 1 Timothy 6:10

Paul names the root: the love of money, not money itself. The sermon traced how wealth creates new anxieties—fear of losing it, sleeplessness, complexity. But notice what Paul identifies as the real tragedy: those who love money wander from the faith. The inward bend toward accumulation pulls us away from God. The path to contentment is not more stuff but a heart already full in Christ.

Friday 2 Corinthians 5:21

Here is the gospel move the sermon points toward: Jesus becomes our sin so we can become His righteousness. Every inward bend—every envy, every isolation, every arrogant ritual, every money-chasing—He takes and absorbs. And in return, He gives us His life oriented perfectly toward God and neighbor. We are freed not by our own effort but by His exchange, to live the happy life we were designed for.

Sunday-evening family table

Life Bent Inward or Outward?

For the parent

This conversation invites your family to notice where their own hearts are pointed—toward themselves or toward God and others. Listen for moments when your kids recognize envy, isolation, or self-focus in their own week, and gently help them see the alternative path Ricky described: looking up to God and out to others.

Ricky talked about life being bent inward on itself—like when we're jealous of someone else, or lonely because we've pulled away, or so focused on getting something we want that we forget about the people around us. Where did you see that happening this week? It could be you, it could be someone at school, it could be something you noticed. And then—what would it look like to bend outward instead, toward God or toward somebody else?
works for ages 7+; younger kids can share observations with help; older kids and teens will recognize the pattern in their own lives
Couples · three questions over coffee

Life Bent Inward or Outward?

  1. Where did you feel the sermon most convict you—in how you relate to each other, in your practice of faith, or in your relationship with money? What specifically stirred?
  2. As a couple, are we bent inward on ourselves, or are we living upward toward God and outward toward our neighbors? Where do you see us getting trapped in envy, isolation, or self-protection instead of reaching toward each other and others?
  3. What is one way Jesus has freed you from self-focused living this week, and how can we pray for each other to keep our eyes on Him rather than on what we lack or fear losing?
Memory verse this week

Ecclesiastes 4:4

Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

Why this verse: This verse captures the sermon's central diagnosis: that all unhappiness springs from life bent inward on itself, particularly the envy and self-comparison that isolate us from both God and neighbor. Memorizing it anchors the listener in the root of the tragic scripts—envy—that the sermon spends the entire message unmasking and calling away from.

Where this was preached

About the church

Cross of Grace Church
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# Cross of Grace Church

A church preaching expository sermons through the books of the Bible.

## Sermons
- [How to (Not) Waste Your Life (Titus 3:8-15, 2026-06-21)](/CoGElPaso/sermons/how-to-not-waste-your-life-2026-06-21)
- [Why Does Life Seem Pointless Sometimes? (Ecclesiastes 1, 2026-07-05)](/CoGElPaso/sermons/why-does-life-seem-pointless-sometimes-2026-07-05)
- [How Do You Live Well Knowing You'll Die Someday (Ecclesiastes 9:1-10, 2026-07-26)](/CoGElPaso/sermons/how-do-you-live-well-knowing-you-ll-die-someday-2026-07-26)
- [How Can I Avoid Tragedy with Relationships, God, and Money? (Ecclesiastes 4-6, 2026-08-02)](/CoGElPaso/sermons/how-can-i-avoid-tragedy-with-relationships-god-and-money-2026-08-02)

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