Being part of an encouraging congregation. Did a great job with those announcements, Jake. At least the church believes you did a great job, or they just feel the need to encourage you. I'm not sure. But, um, well, if you're new here, my name is Ricky. I'm one of the pastors here at the church, and man, it is a joy to be in the house of the Lord this morning.
I was able to participate in a wonderful moment this past week related to our sister church. For many, many years, if you've been part of Crossroads You know, we've had a strong, wonderful gospel partnership with Gracia Soberana in Ciudad Juárez, and those brothers and sisters have been faithfully preaching the gospel across— really, actually, if it wasn't for, like, the international bridge, we could get there in, like, 15 minutes back and forth. It takes a little bit longer, though, with— at the bridges. But that church has been faithfully proclaiming the gospel for 40 years, and all along they have been praying not just for their city but for their nation of Mexico and been praying that that God would raise up a family of churches in Mexico that are faithful to doctrine, faithful to the Word, and faithful to evangelism. And man, I'm so excited because we got to see one part of that dream fulfilled this last week. So I was at the— our denomination, our family of churches, Sovereign Grace Church's council of elders, where one of the things we did is we set them out as the churches in Mexico. There's about— there's a handful of them now, 5, 6. They've just planted 2 more. There's 4 to 6 more being adopted. But they're going to have, by the end of a year or 2, uh, over 10 churches in the nation of Mexico alone. And so we set them out as a self-governing expression of our family of churches, of Sovereign Grace Churches. So they're going to ordain their own pastors, send out their own church plants, send their own missionaries. We'll still be in partnership. But man, what a joy to see a 40-year dream fulfilled by our sister church in Juárez.
And so I wanted to take just a minute and pray for them together as a church, that the Lord would bless them and that we keep our ties to them strong as we move forward. Amen. Well, let's pray. Lord, we thank you. We thank you so much for the saints at Gracia Soberana and also our brothers and sisters at Misión de Gracia on the west side of El Paso. Lord, the way that that church in particular and then those two churches together have invested invested into their nation. Just recently, a few months ago, hundreds of pastors across Mexico coming to Juárez for the Fieles a su Llamado conference as they invest in pastors in Mexico. Lord, I pray that you'd bless this, this new expression of Sovereign Grace Churches. I pray that you'd give them godly and wise leaders. I pray that they would govern well and support one another well. Lord, I pray that the two church plants that have recently— they've sent out would be strengthened and established and encouraged. Lord, I know that they desire to get into difficult and hard-to-reach and gospel-less places in Mexico. So I pray that you would bless the work that they're putting their hands to today in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen.
All right, well, please turn in your Bibles, if you would, to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 as we continue our study of the book of Corinthians, 1 Corinthians. The section we are in is a section about relationships and sexuality and singleness. And marriage, but it's important to remember that all of this, this whole section flows from chapters 1 and 2. Chapters 1 and 2, if you could think of it this way, are the gospel fountain right at the beginning of the letter. And all of the topics that Paul addresses then are the gospel transformation of chapters 1 and 2 is flowing downstream and into all of these various areas of the Christian life. Now, this is a text that I'm gonna be honest, were it up to me to select a text to preach, I may not select this particular one, which is one of the reasons that we are grateful for the passage-by-passage exposition of the Word of God so that the whole counsel of God's Word is applied to the whole of our lives. Amen.
So we're gonna read 1 Corinthians 7:1-16. And let's remember as we read, this is God's Word. Verse 1: Now concerning the matters about which you wrote— and this is what they wrote— it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But Paul says, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now, as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say it is good for them to remain single as I am, but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. And to the married I give this charge, not I but the Lord: the wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And the husband should not divorce his wife. And to the rest I say, I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean. But as it is, As it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? This is God's Word.
And, Lord, give us ears to hear and eyes to see. May we apply the whole of the Bible. To the whole of our lives today. Amen.
6 · The pastor uses his childhood experience of receiving unwanted savings bonds at Christmas to establish the sermon's central metaphor: gifts that seem unwelcome or disappointing can prove valuable over time
Well, I don't know about you, but every Christmas it seems like one or more people receive an unwelcome gift, a gift that you did not ask for, perhaps did not want, would not have chosen, but the gift is being given to you nevertheless. And I remember, um, As a kid, this happened regularly in my grandparents' home. My nana's family was from New Mexico, and so they celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, and we got a variety of presents from that side of the family on that evening. And inevitably, from a young age, I received an unwelcome gift. The unwelcome gift was, you imagine you're excited, you're there, you're at the tree, You receive a little box, you unwrap the box, there's a bunch of tissue paper, you dig into the tissue paper, and you pull out a US Treasury savings bond. Now, what 7-year-old does not desire above all things a US Treasury savings bond? And your excitement as a 7-year-old only increases, right, when you learn this is going to be worth $50 "Eventually." And you're like, "Can I spend it? Can I buy toys? Can I buy candy?" "Yes, eventually." "When?" "In 10 years." And you're thinking, "I'm gonna be 17. I'm gonna be near death in 10 years," right? That's what you think as a 7-year-old. And so my whole childhood, every Christmas, and I think every birthday as well, I received— thankfully, my grandparents were kind enough to provide some small toy as well, some toy that you could open and be excited about. And we began to joke about all the grandkids receiving a piece of paper. "Oh, it's your piece of paper." And so I would be like, "Yay," and then just hand it to my parents and move on with my Christmas. Right? It was not a welcome gift, even though in the end, as I'll share, it proved to be a useful and helpful and good one.
7 · The pastor articulates the sermon's controlling metaphor and main thesis: God's gifts in the relational sphere may not match our expectations or desires but are nonetheless good because they serve his purposes
And that's what this passage is about. This passage is about God— this passage is about gifts that are sometimes unwelcome, often unexpected, but always good. Some of the gifts that God has for us relationally, in marriage, and singleness, and in difficult situations, are sometimes unwelcome. They are often unexpected, but they are always good. That's what this passage tells us.
8 · The pastor establishes pastoral boundaries and qualifications before diving into difficult subject matter
Now, I want to let you know up front that I cannot cover every eventuality in every situation. So if you are in one of these particular situations, I want to encourage you to take in what the Bible says, but then seek counsel from godly and wise people. And when I say godly and wise people, if you're like 20 years old, I don't mean find somebody who's 20 and a half. I mean find somebody with gray hair, somebody who's been married for, like, a decade, or somebody who's been single and following Jesus for a long time. Those are the people you want to find. And I especially— but even before we get there, I want to say, if you are considering separation from your spouse, really want to encourage you, there's no way to apply this into the specifics of every single situation. So get godly counsel, and especially get pastoral counsel on the issues of divorce. And remarriage. And last comment, as preparatory comment, I'll say is this: if you have hurt in your past that maybe even reading this passage has sort of brought up, and you're thinking, "Oh man, I'm not looking forward to this," maybe there's been bad teaching in your past about some of these matters, or maybe there's been divorce in your past, or maybe there's been some sort of abuse in your past, I want to try to be as sensitive as possible to your situation. But I also want to encourage you, I think actually it's better in the long run to engage with the text, to wrestle with the text, with your own relationship with God and with others, and through that find healing as you find clarity through the Word of God.
9 · The pastor announces the sermon's three-part structure and introduces the first main point: marriage and sex as God's unexpected gift
3 unexpected gifts that we do not normally want to find under the tree, but the Lord has placed there for us. The first is this: marriage and sex as unexpected gift.
10 · The pastor provides historical-cultural background on Greek compartmentalization of relational needs, explaining why sexual fidelity in marriage was not the cultural default
Now, remember, in the Greek world, the Greeks kind of separated out the various parts of their life. They saw friends or co-philosophers or teachers as meeting their emotional, philosophical mental needs. They saw a spouse as meeting domestic needs, the need to have a social standing, the need to produce children. And then they saw affairs or prostitution as meeting your physical bodily needs. And so they would find these different things in different places. And often, one of the reasons this passage is written is that often it would not be the default in Greek culture that you would think, your spouse is the place for sexual delight and satisfaction. Rather, you just think, "Well, that's just for procreation, and then I'm going to go be in a relationship over here." And Paul says, "No, that's wrong."
11 · The pastor identifies two opposite errors in the Corinthian church: those who adopted cultural sexual license and those who rejected all sexuality as unspiritual
And in the church, the response to the culture was one of two things. There were some that took on the mindset of the culture and said, "Yep, we're just—" like we talked about last week, just that your body has needs just like everyone else, and so you just do what comes naturally. And the Lord will forgive you, or he doesn't mind. And Paul addressed that last week. But this week, Paul is addressing another crowd in the church. And this crowd in the church said— against this culture, they said, no, we're going to reject our culture. And in fact, we're going to be more spiritual than our culture. And in fact, even if you're married, you should not be doing anything physical. You should be praying and seeking the Lord. And those are the really spiritual people here. And we're gonna take a stand for this. And nobody touch anything and separate bedrooms, separate beds, et cetera, right? That was, it's gonna be like the I Love Lucy show where everyone, everybody has to keep their feet on the ground and in separate twin beds, right? That's, we were just watching I Love Lucy and it's kind of funny to watch that now. That's what they were advocating.
12 · The pastor articulates Paul's biblical correction to both Corinthian errors: sexuality in marriage should be characterized by mutual self-giving that honors God and serves the spouse, a radically countercultural vision both then and now
And now Paul says, "Okay," to the Corinthian culture, "You're wrong." To the licentious, he says, "You're also wrong." And to the people saying, "Never do anything," "You're also wrong," right? Everyone's wrong, and he's going to bring a biblical perspective. And here is what he brings. He brings the idea that even the most intimate areas of marriage, in sexuality, spouses should be self-giving, and focused on honoring God and serving others. That's his perspective. And this could not be a more stark contrast with Corinth or with even with our culture as well.
13 · The pastor critiques the dominant American approach to marriage as fundamentally self-centered—people make vows to a mirror, committed to their own happiness rather than the other person's good
I think that the default in American culture, if I could just call it the way I see it as a bystander of American culture and American marriage, is that most people get married for reasons like this. They say things like, "when I'm with this person, I never feel more amazing than when I'm with them," or, "they make me feel whole and satisfied, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with them," or, "they complete me," right? And a lot of times what they're expressing are, "this is what I experience when I'm with them." And so here, I know this is an odd picture, but it's as though most people go to the altar and the vows they're making, they're really making their vows in a mirror. And what I mean by that is they're saying, they're looking at themselves in the mirror saying, "Self, I love you. And you know what? This person makes you feel amazing, so I'm gonna stick with them because they make you feel amazing. And they complete you, and they make you satisfied, and they give you what you want." And that it's no then surprise when the other person stops making you feel that way that you break the vows. Why? Because your vow was really to yourself to seek your own happiness. Not for the other person's good. That's the default in American culture.
14 · The pastor grounds Christian marriage in its typological function: marriage images Christ and the church
And Paul is saying, "No, that should not be the case." Christian marriage is shaped by the fact that, as he says in Ephesians 5, Christ and the church are pictured, they are imaged in the story of the man and the wife, meaning that God and his people, that mystery is embedded into marriage, and therefore, The purpose of marriage is one serving the other as a picture and image of Christ serving his people and his people serving and following Christ. That is what is at hand. So, therefore, Christian marriage should not be, "You make me feel amazing, so I'm gonna make a lifelong commitment to making me feel amazing." It's, "I so love and respect you." and believe God has called me to lay down my life for you, right? That's Christian marriage.
15 · The pastor applies the servant mindset directly to marital sexuality, explaining Paul's radical teaching that each spouse's body belongs to the other
And Paul brings that perspective all the way down to the most intimate detail of your life, which is your sexuality, your sex life in marriage. And he says even that most intimate part of your marriage should be shaped by a servant mindset, this mindset of laying down your rights. So, were you saying, The wife's body belongs to the husband, the husband's body belongs to the wife. What is he saying? He's saying this: your body, then, is something you give as a means of loving someone, not as seeking your own satisfaction, but being freely given to seek the satisfaction of the other. It is about giving yourself to another, not taking another for yourself.
16 · The pastor anticipates and answers an objection: mutual service in sexuality is not burdensome or mechanical but produces genuine joy and satisfaction for both spouses
Now, Do you know, though, what happens when two people come into the bedroom, each intent on serving the other? Well, neither of them, I think, are complaining. Neither of them are just like, "Well, got to put in another day's work here," right? That's not what happens. There is a joy and a satisfaction and a pleasure on every level that happens when two people are intent on serving one another.
17 · The pastor expounds Paul's practical argument: sexual abstinence in marriage increases vulnerability to temptation in a sexually immoral culture
And Paul adds another reason. He knows that Corinth was awash in temptation, and so he— sees some of these married couples who are like, "No, no, no, we're just going to be spiritual. We're just going to be spiritual. We're not going to give ourselves to each other. We're just going to be spiritual here." Paul is like, "Okay, let me just say on a practical level, that's stupid." Because you live in a culture awash in sexual immorality. And one of the means of grace God has provided for you in your life is your spouse giving— you and your spouse giving yourselves to each other. So he's like, listen, if you want to have a prayer retreat, go pray, but then come back together, if you know what I mean. That's what Paul is saying. And it's a good and right and beautiful thing. And he's echoing all the way back in Genesis where the Lord has the man and the woman who are naked and unashamed, who are united on every level of physical, emotional, familial, domestic, every sphere of life, the two become one, and it is a glorious and good thing. And that's what Paul is advocating.
18 · The pastor signals a shift to specific application while acknowledging the mature subject matter and defending his treatment as faithful to the text
So, I'm going to try to keep this PG-related, even though the text itself, in my defense, is verging above a PG rating. But it says some specific things to married couples.
19 · The pastor applies the text diagnostically: sexual intimacy functions as a check engine light for marital health
First, Your— if I can say it this way, your sex life is an important check engine light in your marriage. Because I have found that it is a major warning signal if you are not intimate. If you have, you know, if it regularly is weeks or months or years that you and your spouse have not given themselves to each other, that often indicates, man, something else is likely wrong. Unless there's some physical limitation, there is something that needs to be examined there. Though I will say, having a regular pattern of intimacy does not mean that your marriage is healthy. It's not like, "Great, we do it a lot, so we're healthy." No, that's not what Paul's saying. But he is saying that if there is none of that, one, you're putting yourself in a temptable place, two, you're not fulfilling God's design, and three, there's probably more going on there that you need to examine.
20 · The pastor applies the mutual-belonging principle negatively: sexuality must never be weaponized through coercion or withholding
Next, it's also clear in the text that no one should be pressuring or coercing their spouse with sex. Neither should anyone be withholding sex to pressure or coerce their spouse. You're not using that sexuality as a weapon to get what you want. You are going into marriage thinking, "Who I am is yours." That's your mindset.
21 · The pastor addresses a male-specific temptation: compartmentalizing sexuality from the rest of marriage
And often, let me just say this, this is one specifically for men, often for men, I think one of our temptations is to separate sex from the rest of our marriage relationship. Often we can do almost what the Corinthians do, where I think often, and unfortunately, the way that our culture has gone is to separate sexuality. When people say, well, it's just sex, it's just porn, it's just whatever, I'm slicing this part of my life out. Listen, in marriage, that is impossible. And so you have to cultivate the emotional, the spiritual, the other aspects of your relationship with your spouse in order for the whole of your relationship to be healthy. That, I think, is what scripture would encourage.
22 · The pastor applies the servant posture practically: sexual intimacy requires intentional work, communication, and planning just like other areas of marriage
And then let me just say this, the married posture towards sex should be leaning in as a servant. You have to want your spouse work on this aspect of your relationship just like you work on other aspects of your life. You have to work as a couple on your communication, your budget, your schedule. And I think so many times our culture has done a disservice to us to say this: your sex life is healthy when it requires absolutely no work, no planning, no communication. It just happens like in a movie, and the score is soaring, and the lighting is soft, and it just is happening and beautiful all the time. And listen, man, I've been married for 15 years and I think sex is great, but that is not a regular pattern, okay? And if you are waiting until you as a couple, both of you are 100% great, no physical injuries or sniffles or whatever, if you're waiting until everybody's got a great night's sleep and nobody has any other responsibilities and everybody's feeling wonderful and you can sleep in the next morning and you're feeling romantic, if you're waiting for all those things to align, you're gonna be waiting a long time, okay? It's true. And so here's what I wanna encourage us with. I think this is the way the text would encourage us. If this area is one of the check engine lights in your marriage, what is it saying? Is it healthy? And what would your, let me just really challenge you, what would your spouse say?
23 · The pastor adds a Spirit-prompted application emphasizing the necessity of communication about sexuality in marriage
I didn't say this in the first service, but I think it— I think the Lord's putting on my heart to say now. I think so many issues I have seen develop over time come from just not communicating about this area with your spouse, just assuming the issues will resolve themselves, the expectations will be unstated but perfectly aligned, right? I think communication has to be part of the way we serve one another in this area.
24 · The pastor shifts from married couples to direct address of single people in the congregation
And then next, the singles, I want to say a word to you.
25 · The pastor warns single people that pornography trains them in habits antithetical to God's design—taking rather than giving, using rather than serving
And this is my encouragement for you if you're single. The way that you live will carry over into your marriage. And I specifically want to address pornography, because if God's design for sexuality is this, it is that you give of yourself to your spouse and they give of themselves to you, And in that mutual giving, there is joy and a fulfillment of God's design. Pornography cuts that off at the knees because pornography trains you to do two things. One, to take and to see other people's bodies as something you take. And second, there is no ability to serve that person. So it's a one-way street where it's training you to take and take and take and never serve. And then when you're married, it is no surprise that you seek to take and never serve because that's what you've trained yourself to do. Or even in sex outside of marriage, that often is what we're doing. We're taking and never serving and then bringing that into marriage. And so, let me encourage you, your self-control will carry over into marriage. Your servanthood will carry over into marriage.
26 · The pastor concludes the first major section by restating the central metaphor: marital sexuality as unexpected gift that requires cultivation and treasuring
And it is perhaps an unexpected gift, but one that the Lord calls married couples to cultivate and treasure.
27 · The pastor announces the second main point of the sermon
Second, singleness and celibacy as unexpected gift.
28 · The pastor uses humor to acknowledge the congregation's likely resistance to the idea of singleness as gift, building on the savings bond metaphor
Now, if you're a single, you have thought, "That is not what I want for Christmas." Do not want to go to the tree and unwrap, "Oh, look, it's celibacy. I'm so excited for this." It's worse than a savings bond.
29 · The pastor establishes Paul's credibility on singleness by reconstructing his likely biographical situation
And Paul— listen, Paul knows what he's doing here because Paul is single, and it's very likely that either because of his age he experienced one of three things. He either was previous— because a rabbi of his age would have been married by normal standards in the Jewish community. So either he had been married and his wife has passed away, he'd been married and his spouse had left him when he became a Christian. Or third, he had not gotten married, which would have been its own difficulty and challenge within the Jewish community. So he understands everybody asking year after year on Thanksgiving, "Is there anyone in your life yet, Paul?" And he's just like, "Oh, no, no, no, no." One of those things he knows. One of those three things he knows.
30 · The pastor contrasts the expected stoic resignation with Paul's actual joy in singleness
And so you expect him to go, "Listen, I'm single." "and it's the worst, but we're gonna be dead soon and with Jesus, okay? So everybody just suck it up. We'll be dead before we know it." That's not what he says. That's not what he says. In fact, he says, "I wish everybody had this gift that I have." He unwraps what's under the tree and he says, "This is the best. Now, you might not think it's the best, but I think it's the best." And I don't think Paul is making a comparison as if singleness is somehow more godly than godly marriage. I don't think that's what he's saying. I think what he's saying is, I experience the goodness and gift of singleness, and I wish everyone could experience the goodness and gift of singleness the way that I do, but not everybody has this gift.
31 · The pastor uses a personal illustration about differing gift preferences to explain Paul's posture: Paul genuinely delights in what others might not want, and the proper response is curiosity about why it's valuable to him
So it's almost like if you've ever given a gift to a family member that you think, this is weird, and I don't like this at all, and I would hate to receive this, but I hope they enjoy it. Like, Jen loves strange kitchen gadgets, advanced polymer spatulas, these special pots. I remember one time she got these, like, these just dishware that she's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited." I'm like, "It's a dish. Okay, great. Happy Christmas." You know? I didn't want that. Don't give that to me. But she loves it. That's what Paul is doing. He's saying, "I love this." And we should be asking and leaning in and going, "Well, why does he love it? What's so—" good about it.
32 · The pastor clarifies that Paul is not talking about a rare supernatural gifting but addressing the universal reality that everyone experiences singleness at some point
The key question here is, is Paul talking about this somehow supernatural gift of singleness, quote unquote, where people just have a supernatural ability to never want to be romantic and they're just going to be happy and they just watch Hallmark movies and just go, "Ooh," you know, like that's— and they just want to serve the Lord and pray instead. I don't think that's what he's addressing. Now, I do think there is a scriptural category for people like Paul who are called maybe for a lifetime to be single and who can be content, not seek marriage, not pray for it, not desire it, and do it with a unique joy for the purposes of serving God. I think that's possible. But I also think what Paul is addressing here is more broad than just maybe that specific thing, because Paul is speaking to the entire Corinthian church. Church. And in any given church, this is my observation as a pastor, everybody starts out single. Some of you are, like, thinking about that. Yep, we're all born single. Most people end their life single. And there is a lot of singleness in the middle, either periods of singleness, seasons of singleness, or a life of singleness. And so Paul is saying that too, whether it's a season or a life, can be a gift.
33 · The pastor reframes the entire concept of 'gift' away from personal fulfillment toward service opportunity
He talks much more about this next— in the next passage we'll cover in a couple of weeks. He talks about how there are some unique benefits. He's able to serve the Lord in unique ways. He's able to move frequently. He's able to do difficult, dangerous things for the sake of the gospel. And you might look at that gift that Paul has, that Paul loves, and say, "That is not a gift I want." That's not a gift I could ever enjoy. I don't like that. That won't make me happy. I want a gift that makes me happy. And I think that's thinking about what Paul is saying related to gifting in the wrong way. I think it's more accurate to say that the gift of God is not finding something that perfectly fulfills and satisfies us. The gift of God is being given a context to serve.
34 · The pastor articulates the parallel structure: both married and single are called to the same thing—following Christ sacrificially and serving others—in different contexts
Okay? So, if you are married, your call is this: follow Christ sacrificially by taking up your cross, laying your life down, and serving others. And your context, if you're married, is your spouse. But if you're not married, your call is also to follow Christ, to take up your cross, to serve others. It's in a different context though as a single. So, Paul is saying, "I see my singleness as a platform through which to serve others, and that's a gift." And others may have a platform to serve others in the context of marriage and family, and that's a gift. Either way, you're serving. Neither of them are, "I want that thing, that situation, that person to make me fully happy, fulfilled, give me a future and a hope." It won't happen. If you look at that, if you pursue singleness that way, you're gonna end in disaster. If you pursue marriage that way, it's gonna end in disaster. The only way forward for the Christian is for them to say, "All I have is Christ. Jesus is my life." And then either do it in marriage or do it in singleness. That's it.
35 · The pastor grounds the service ethic christologically and creational
And so if you're thinking, "Well, I was single and I really hope my girlfriend would make me happy for—" No! That's not what Paul is saying. Paul is saying that the gift is being able to serve as Christ has served you. Look, Christ served us. Christ laid down his life for us. Christ shed his very own blood for us. And then we as Christians, in the pattern of Christ, then are sent out into the world to image Christ and serve him by serving others. And here is the magic of it, though: when we do that, we actually find shalom. We actually find peace, fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy as we serve the Lord and serve others because that's what we were made to do.
36 · The pastor traces the service ethic back to the creation narrative
Think about the garden. God gives the first couple, Adam and Eve, he gives them the gift of himself and each other. And what are they called to do? They're called to serve one another and rule over creation as serving God, right? That is it. It's a gift of a platform for service.
37 · The pastor provides two concrete examples from his own congregation of single people using their singleness as a platform for service: caring for a family member with dementia and serving at a children's home
And look, let me just say to the singles here, when you use this gift as a platform for service, it is a beautiful and precious thing. Look, I know a brother in our church right now who is single and who is— he has the gift of being able to spend unhurried time with a family member of his who has dementia. The family member doesn't even remember their conversations, but he's able to spend unhurried, unhindered time with this person. That's a gift. And the rest of his family sees it. There's another sister who's part of our church who is working at a children's home and able to give more of herself than she'd be able to give as a kind of a wife or a married person. She's able to give up kind of 110% right now to serving kids at this children's home. And that is a beautiful, precious thing in the sight of God. That's not, as our culture would say, a tragedy. That's a beauty in the eyes of Christ.
38 · The pastor adds a third example: Hugh, a long-term single elder and pastor at a sister church whose life is characterized by joyful service
I just met another brother, one of our sister churches in Midland, and this brother, his name's Hugh. I love this guy. Soft-spoken, kind, and he has been an elder and a pastor at this church in Midland for, I don't know, what, like 30 years, Dad? Something like that? And he's at least 30 years, maybe since the beginning of the church, and he loves to serve. He has the biggest smile and he serves. He clocks out of his job and then he serves the church. That's what he does. That's not a tragedy. That's beautiful in the eyes of God.
39 · The pastor applies directly to singles: receive singleness as gift and blessing; approach relationships sacrificially as a powerful countercultural testimony
And so, let me encourage you singles to— it may be unwelcome, it may be difficult, but there is gift and blessing in where the Lord has you, whether it's for a season or whether it's for a long time. And let me also encourage you that the way that you do this, the way that you approach relationships in this sacrificial, Christ-honoring way is a powerful testimony, a powerful pointer to the gospel of Jesus Christ in a world that has a profoundly destructive view of relationships. There are broken, charred bodies everywhere in our culture because of this selfish pursuit of you make me happy now, Or I will leave you. And the Christian, the Christian is better. The Christian says, "Listen, all I have is Christ. Jesus is my life. And I'm going to serve for whatever season God has me in. I'm going to serve." And that— the world does not know what to do with that.
40 · The pastor transitions to the third and most difficult point with humor and empathy, acknowledging that this is the hardest 'gift' to receive
Alright, third. You're thinking, "Okay, those two gifts, it seems like they're getting more challenging to receive." And you would be right. The third gift is difficult marriage and separation as an unexpected gift. And, again, you're thinking, "I do not want to find this under the tree." Please, Lord, not a difficult marriage. Nope. That's what's under the tree. And here's why.
41 · The pastor repeats his earlier pastoral boundary-setting: he cannot address every situation; listeners must seek counsel
Now, I want to make a qualification here before we jump into this. I'm, again, not going to be able to tease out every possible situation, every application of Paul's counsel here. I want to encourage you to apply this to your own life situation with the Bible in one hand and good counsel around you, especially pastoral counsel on matters of divorce and remarriage. But I think we can learn from the specific situations Paul is addressing here and then broaden that out to kind of many more difficult situations.
42 · The pastor defends Paul's authority when he says 'I, not the Lord' by clarifying that this means no recorded Jesus saying exists, but Paul's words are still fully inspired and authoritative Scripture
So, first Paul addresses the issue of divorce and separation. And in case you're thrown off, Paul is not saying that his words, when he says, "The Lord says, the Lord doesn't say, but I say," what he means is that there's no recorded sermon from Jesus on that issue. So he then is going to comment. But we as Christians believe all of the Scriptures are God's breathed-out word. And that's why I think, frankly, I think sometimes red-letter Bibles for some people are unhelpful, as if the red letters are more inspired, right? All of it is preserved by the Word and all of it is authoritative. And so Paul is saying there's no recorded sermon from Jesus, but under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he's going to speak. And that is the Lord's word on the subject.
43 · The pastor interprets Paul's instruction on divorce/separation as addressing 'irreconcilable differences'—not abuse or adultery
And so, what he's addressing here is the issue of divorce, the matter of separation. And what I would say is I think he's addressing here what we as Americans often call that vague category of irreconcilable differences, right? When you file for divorce, often there's some kind of label you give for it, and there's not an abuse, there's not— Nobody's cheated, but there's a vague category of irreconcilable differences. And that's not— I'm not using that in a technical sense. I'm just saying that, that I think is what Paul is addressing here at first when he says, "Don't pursue divorce. Don't do it. Don't separate." Now, you might think, "Okay, well, he says that." And then the very next phrase he says, "But if you do separate," So, what's up with that? Well, what he's saying is this: don't separate, and if it becomes necessary to separate, don't remarry. And don't do that because, as we'll get to later, the marriage itself is a precious picture of the gospel. So, that is his counsel. There may be separation, and there are in Scripture grounds for divorce that are biblical and narrow, but Paul's general pathway of encouragement is stay together. Stay together, work things out, even if you must separate for a time, reconcile. That's his encouragement.
44 · The pastor expounds Paul's counsel on mixed marriages: if the unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is free and may remarry
And then second, on the issue of being married to an unbeliever, Paul goes into more specific counsel. And this again is one of the reasons some scholars believe Paul may have found himself in this situation. Often in the first century, the gospel would sweep into town and perhaps one spouse would get saved, but the other spouse would not become a Christian. And so they're left wondering, what do we do in this case? And Paul says that sometimes the spouse will leave. The spouse will say, I don't want anything to do with your Christianity. I don't want you following Jesus in our house, influencing our kids, and leave. And Paul says, if that happens, you're not bound. To them anymore. You are freed and may remarry. But Paul says, if they are willing to stay with you, there may be— despite that being a difficult gift, there may be blessing and good things that can come from that.
45 · The pastor acknowledges the profound difficulty of being married to an unbeliever—missing spiritual partnership, shared priorities, unified parenting—while affirming Paul's counsel that this can still be a platform for gospel display
Now, Paul is not meaning— he's not minimizing how difficult it is to be married to somebody who does not share your faith. That, man, I have— My heart's been broken as I've talked to people and encountered people who they're a Christian, their spouse is not. And as they just say, "Man, it is so hard. I so wish," as I hear other people talk about it, "there's somebody I could read the Bible with in the morning or pray with at the end of the day. I so wish they had the same priorities as me, the same parenting philosophy as me." And it is surely a difficult, difficult place, but Paul says there can be. A way to see even that as a platform to serve as a way of displaying the gospel.
46 · The pastor reiterates the sermon's central thesis applied to difficult marriages: these too can be platforms for unique gospel display
Just as with marriage in general, just as with singleness, a difficult situation might also be the very place that you have a unique opportunity to shine the gospel out.
47 · The pastor issues a critical pastoral qualification: Paul's counsel on staying with an unbelieving spouse does not apply to abuse situations
Now, one important qualification here is that this is not counsel written into the situation of abuse. Physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, etc. And in cases of abuse, we as pastors would encourage separation depending on the type and severity of abuse, and then prayer and counsel once separated about how to proceed further. We do believe that there can be a case of an unbeliever abandoning a marriage by refusing to fulfill the most basic functions of marriage, which are to protect the spouse. So, there may be situations that that is permissible. And so, in all cases though of abuse, we would counsel separation, prayer, and consideration of the Scriptures about how to proceed.
48 · The pastor summarizes the core principle: difficult situations are gifts when redefined as opportunities to serve Christ through serving others
But Paul's broader point is this, that difficult situations can still be a gift if we see that gift as being defined by an opportunity to serve Christ by serving others.
49 · The pastor clarifies Paul's use of 'holy' for the unbelieving spouse and children: not salvation by proxy, but being 'set apart' to have a front-row seat to observe the kingdom of God through the believing spouse's life
And Paul jumps in then to the difficult case of a believer and unbeliever married. Paul says— Paul uses the language of holy and set apart. Now, make no mistake, Paul is not saying as long as one person in the couple is a Christian, then the other person kind of gets in like a plus one. You know, they get to the gates of heaven, it's like, "It's you, but we did have a plus one." Like, "Oh yeah, my spouse." And so the spouse gets in. That's not what Paul is saying. The word "holy" in this context means "set apart." So, what Paul is saying is there is a sense in which here is the kingdom of the world and here is the kingdom of Christ, but by virtue of one of the spouses being a Christian, it's like the spouse, in a sense, moves next door away from the world next to the kingdom of Christ. They're not in, We're praying that they would be saved. We're praying that they would come to the kingdom, but they have a front row seat to observe the kingdom of God. And so it is the case with their children. Their children then have a front row seat to observe perhaps one of the spouses caring for, laying their life down for the other, even when the other doesn't always respond, as that Christian spouse images Christ not only to their spouse, but to their children. And there's a unique benefit and goodness to that.
50 · The pastor emphasizes Paul's hopeful vision: faithful perseverance in a mixed marriage may lead to the unbelieving spouse's or children's salvation as they witness Christ shining through the believing spouse
And Paul is so hopeful. He says, "Look, we don't know what God's providence would be. We don't know what will happen in their heart. But who knows, friend, whether these small moments of sacrificial service to your unbelieving spouse would not turn their heart to the gospel? Who knows whether your children, even as they watch you persevere through a difficult situation, would see the light of Jesus Christ shining through you and come to know the Lord the Messiah?" And in that way, Paul says, it can be a unique gift to the people in your household for you to persevere and shine the light of the gospel.
51 · The pastor applies the principle broadly to disability and other difficult situations
And this, I think, is applied broadly then to not just that specific situation, but any place a marriage is uniquely difficult or your status is uniquely difficult. One example here is disability. Often we hear the vows, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." But life is long, and sometimes a spouse will become disabled, and their mental faculties are not what they were before. Their physical faculties are not what they were before. There's no ability to be romantic or to have a sexual relationship, and so what then? Would the Lord say to a spouse of someone disabled? Well, I think the same principle applies. The principle would be this: could this, friend, be a platform to serve God and serve others and display the gospel? To display the gospel in a unique, chaste, persevering way. That the rest of the world does not have any category for? Could it be that the Lord desires to bring Himself glory and to draw others to Himself in that situation? That and many others. Any situation that you think, "Man, this is perplexing. This is difficult. What happens? How do we persevere?" Paul's question is, "Could this be?" a gift, a sometimes unwelcome, often unexpected, but always good gift, if the gift is serving the Lord and serving others.
52 · The pastor signals a shift from specific application to the theological foundation undergirding the entire passage
Now, as we close here, I want to make a turn. I want us to back up from this passage and see something, because Paul has a set of assumptions in 1 Corinthians 7 that I think the church would have been well taught by Paul and would have been familiar with. And so Paul, in a sense, only references and assumes some of these things, but become clear later in places like Ephesians 5.
53 · The pastor articulates the foundational biblical theology: marriage from Genesis to Revelation is designed to picture the relationship between God and his people
And what I think we should see in this passage is that all of this is grounded in God's design for marriage. And his design for marriage, as revealed from Genesis to Revelation, is this: that marriage is a picture of the relationship between God and his people. Right? That assumption undergirds all of these things and makes sense of all the countercultural advice Paul is giving in this passage. And he then walks through these situations as places we might display the reality of Christ and his people.
54 · The pastor introduces an extended metaphor of stained glass: its beauty is only revealed when clean and backlit
Now, think of it this way. A few years ago, my mom started working with stained glass. It was something that she'd always wanted to do because her uncle, worked with stained glass. My parents have this beautiful piece of stained glass in their living room that was like a Mount Cristo Ray, and it was— it's a great piece. And here's what you notice, though, about the piece. On a cloudy day, or— well, let's say cloudy day— on the cloudy day, you see the stained glass, but not a whole lot of the detail. It looks like some nice glass, you know. It's like, oh, that's Oh, that's nice. Or there are other times where the glass will be smudged on the outside. Lots of grime and dirt will be up, you know, get up there. And usually somebody like me as a teenager would have to get up there and clean the glass off the back, right? Clean that dirt and grime off the back. But when you clean it and on a clear day, oh my goodness, The light behind that stained glass brings color and clarity and illumination and beauty shining all the way down. I remember even if the light hits it right, the light, literally the colored light, shines down on the ground in this beautiful kind of moment. And so as my mom has begun working with stained glass, you see the pattern over and over. You might see the stained glass on a table in the dark and you're like, "Oh, that's fine." And then you hold it up to the light and you're like, "Whoa, that's amazing," right?
55 · The pastor applies the stained glass metaphor comprehensively: the gospel is the light shining through marriage, singleness, and difficult situations
So it is with our relationships. And what Paul is saying is this: the light that shines through our marriage, through our singleness, through difficult situations is the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And so when a husband and wife commit to love one another and serve one another on every level of their marriage, on the physical, the emotional, the spiritual, when they give of themselves to the other and the other gives of themselves to them, it is a beautiful shining image of the relationship between God and his people that shines out into a world that desperately needs it. And that shines out one to another. And the light is bouncing around everywhere, dazzling in beauty. But it is no less true with the single. Listen, a single life lived for the glory of God, as the light of the gospel shines through, as the sufficiency of Christ shines through them, as they, in a world that says, "Listen, without relationships, without sex, without this, you're going to be stunted. You're not going to be whole. You're not going to be happy." But if they say, "No, no, no. All I have is Christ. Jesus is my life." If they confess that and the light of the gospel shines through their life, the world has no category. For what to do with that. Because that person may experience suffering, they may experience loneliness, but they also experience the wholeness that comes from being in Christ. They experience the future and the hope of being in Christ. And the world has no category for that. Even in a difficult situation, even in the case of an unbeliever and a believer, or disabled spouse, or any other difficult situation, when the spouses in that relationship seek to act like Christ. They shine the light of the gospel through them to the world outside.
56 · The pastor captures Paul's pastoral heart: he addresses sin in relationships not primarily to condemn but to clear obstacles so the gospel can shine through into a needy culture
Look, this is what Paul is after. Do you see what he's after? He's after this. He's saying to the Corinthians, "There is gunk and dirt all over your relationships. And my heart for you is, as a father, I'm not just coming to you saying, 'How dare you?'" He's coming to them and saying, "I want you to clean the glass that the gospel of Jesus Christ and that light might shine through you." into a culture that desperately needs it.
57 · The pastor applies diagnostically: examine your life for areas where the gospel light is obscured—addiction, sexuality, communication, care
And so that's, I think, our application today, church, is this: where in your life might you need to clean the glass a bit so that the gospel of Jesus Christ shines through? Maybe it's a private addiction to something like pornography or a private struggle you've not let someone in on, but you know, "Man, I'm not shining the light of the gospel through there." Maybe in your marriage, maybe it is the area of sexuality, or maybe it's the area of communication, or maybe it's the area of care. Or maybe it's some other area, but you know, man, in that area, you can kind of see the gospel if you squint, but it's not real clear, you know? If you're a kid— let me just say this— if you have kids, your kids hopefully, by God's grace, shouldn't be squinting to see the picture of God and his church through our marriages. They shouldn't be going like, "Well, it kind of looks like that," right? And that's our heart.
58 · The pastor grounds the call to holiness in the gospel: conviction should lead to Christ's cleansing, not self-effort
Listen, and remember, remember what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6. If you're condemned, if you're feeling conviction, and such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you are justified by the blood of Jesus Christ. That's what cleans you. That's what cleans you, friend. Not you getting up there and just using your good works, like, "Oh, I'm going to try harder." No. It's allowing the application of the gospel into your life and saying, "Okay, Lord, take away all this. I want to shine clearly."
59 · The pastor completes the savings bond story: the unwelcome childhood gift became valuable at the precise moment of need, funding his honeymoon
Now, I'll end with that. Finishing up that story of my savings bonds. So I know because a lot of you are wondering, what did Ricky do with the savings bonds? And it's a good thing that I forgot the savings bonds, because if I had remembered them at age like 15 or 17, I probably honestly would have just bought like a cool compact disc player. And for the Gen Zers among us, you can Google that later. It was an amazing technology at the time. The non-skip Walkman that you could run with was just like It was like, we're never gonna get beyond this. This is amazing. And so I finally remembered the savings bond when, I think early 20s, I was engaged. I was a broke college student working for a church where a third of my job was like digging out sprinklers and I wasn't making tons of money. The church couldn't pay me tons of money. Jen is moving here from Maryland, from the D.C. area. And I know this, apparently girls want to go on a honeymoon of some kind, and apparently also not like to truth or consequences, New Mexico. You know, they're hoping for something more. And I just remember thinking, okay, I've got this much money. Like, I'm trying to figure this out. And then I remembered the bonds. And so I went and I found— I had like— this is not exaggeration. I had like $1,000 of savings bonds from my childhood. And that money meant something because my granddad, again, was a general contractor. He didn't have tons of money. And so this was— this was a gift. And so I still remember walking into the bank with these pieces of paper I thought were useless as a kid, receiving $1,000. And do you know what I did with that money? I gave it to my wife.
60 · The pastor interprets the savings bond story as a parable of the gospel economy: receive from Christ and give to others, finding greater joy in the giving than in the keeping
And that, I think, is what this passage is about. It's about us receiving from Christ his care, his sacrificial service, his love, him laying down his life for us, and then us receiving it and saying, "Lord, thank you," and then turning around and giving it away to others. And I could not have been happier. And that's the secret our world doesn't understand. When you receive from the Lord and give it freely in sacrifice and service, you're actually more full of joy than keeping it to yourself.
61 · The pastor issues a final charge using the stained glass metaphor and transitions to closing prayer
And so, with that, friends, let's clean the windows and allow the light of the gospel to shine through. Would you stand? Let's pray.
62 · The pastor closes with pastoral intercession for teenagers, college students and young professionals, married couples, and older singles
Lord, I pray— I want to just walk through and pray for the various people represented in a group this size. Lord, I pray first for the teenagers. In our church, Lord. We— this may have been a weird message for them sitting next to their parents, but we're so glad they're here. And, Lord, I pray your protection over them. They're growing up in a culture with a warped view of relationships, a warped view of sexuality, a warped view that if you just have a girlfriend, if you have this experience, if you do this, then you will have life. Then you will be fulfilled, then you'll experience wholeness. And, Lord, it is a lie. It is a lie. Pray you'd protect them from the lie and that they would be able to look at Christ and say, "Listen, I don't know what the Lord has for me in my life, but I know this: the Lord has laid his life down for me and I want to lay my life down for someone else. And if the Lord allows me to get married, help me to get married with with that in view. And if the Lord keeps me single for a while, help me to serve with that in view. I pray that their perspective would be changed by the cross of Jesus Christ today. Lord, I pray for those who in our— and especially I want to pray for those in our college and young professionals group. Lord, they— we joked about it, but, Lord, they face those questions if they are single this Thanksgiving, this Christmas, from their aunt, their well-intended aunt: "Mijo, have you met someone?" and they are waiting and seeking a spouse who wants to follow the Lord. And everything in the world is pulling them away from that vision, saying, "Just have this, just do this, just don't wait for this." And yet they are year after year seeking the Lord. And I pray that today they would say all they have is Christ. Jesus is their life. He's better than a relationship. He's better than a marriage. He's better than that experience. I pray that they would feel that today. Lord, I pray over our married couples. Lord, I pray that we would faithfully image the story of Christ in the church. Lord, I pray that we would remember that is a holy and beautiful thing and a precious thing and a sober thing, and that it extends to every single part of our lives, from our budgets to our bodies to our calendars to our communication. And I pray all of it, all of it would be done in a way that we remember that we've been served by God and serve our spouse in return. And Lord, I pray for our singles that are older, those who are widows or widowed. Lord, I pray, Lord. And brothers and sisters, the Lord gave me this picture in the first service and I just feel led again to share it. Lord, I pray for those who may feel, as they see the next decade or two, as a tunnel that is dark and there's no light of relationship that they can see at the end of it. Lord, I pray that you would lift their eyes and fill that hallway, that long hallway with light coming from a future and a hope beyond this world that is full of more beauty than they can imagine, more wholeness than they can imagine, more safety than they can imagine, more love and sacrifice than they can imagine. Lord, I pray that they would feel your hand on their shoulder today and would feel the immediacy of their future and their hope in Christ so that they know whether the next year they're alone or the next decade they're alone, Lord, they are not alone. You walk alongside them. They— if any of these singles, Father, today never experienced the shadow, they will all experience the substance. They will all experience that thing toward which marriage points. And it is not a wedding day on this earth, but it's a wedding day that will define all heaven and earth. And Lord, I pray that we would live our marriages and our singleness with We're looking forward to that day when the people of God are united with their Creator and Savior again forever. Lord, fill our eyes with it and let the light of it shine through us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.